9:40pm

my mom finally went to bed. but she made me eat dinner first. i got rid of it though. fed most of it to my dog&purged the rest. i love my dog. she can eat anything. plus my sister got a puppy so food has a way of disappearing.

my sister will be home in an hour or so, just in time to find a movie or something. but i have a 'stomachache' so i wont be eating any junk food. starting abc tomorrow along with a few other people. anyone else in? 122 pounds as of this morning. i can live with that but not for long. if only i were a couple inches taller, eh? oh well.

think thin for 2010, darlings.

thinspo for your dreams is twiggy:

or:

nevernevernever.

xoxo

zette

1:00pm

nightmares. not fun.

so aside from taking up residence in crazytown&missing my friend alot, today is okay so far. all i've had is water&i've done twice as many stretches&exercises as i usually do. i'll have skinny legs someday. oh yeah&i'm doing nothing for new years. boooo. but hey, we could all use a new start, right? so forget the fasts you've broken&all the stupid binges, just think thin&know you'll be thinner this time next year.

thinspo for today:

 

 

OR:

xoxo

zette

11:49pm

people are bloody awful. my friend didn't make it so i'm trying my best not to flip out. cocaine isn't worth overdosing on shit&dying, kapeesh? whatever. today was stupid. let's pretend it didn't happen.

fasting tomorrow, even if i have to fake sick&stay in bed all day.

thinspo for your dreams:

xoxo

zette

10:52am

i don't know how i'm going to fast today, my mother&sister will be home all day, they've both got the day off. so...should i just complain of a stomachache all day? tips would be appreciated.

xoxo

zette

8:34pm

boo.

gallon of water=0

candy cane=55

huge dinner=600

all day=655

super frustrated. &i totally broke down earlier. cutting again. old habits die hard, i guess. am i the only one who feels like she's going insane sometimes??

oh well. tomorrow is another day&i'll be in control. i can do this. i want to do this. i have to.

xoxo

zette

11:20am

nevermind, staying home, my stomach hurts like hell. should be better by tomorrow though. usually takes a couple days to adjust. well, time&alot of water. bought some apple juice in case i need it later. nothing i have to get done today, so i'll prolly be watching movies all day while i do leg exercises. i might run a few miles but it's cold&i've just gotten over being sick. oh well. at least when i'm sick i don't have an appetite. by the way, is anyone else loving candy canes lately? they take up a few calories, but mostly it takes me forever to finish them&the taste chases my hunger away. &ice cubes. i love ice.

my mom should be home around 4, but if i leave a couple packages in the kitchen she won't ask. we barely speak to each other, but i still have to be careful because typically when she finds out i have a problem, she won't get me help but she'll tell the whole world about it.

my buddy is in the hospital, prolly too much cocaine. she's crazy. i hope she'll be okay, though. if she isn't that'll be 9 friends this year i've lost. maybe i should find smarter friends.

oh well. thinspo for the day is legs.

 

unless you prefer these:

xoxo

zette

10:29am

good morning. i think i like morning best, as far as feeling goes. my stomach hurt a bit but water can fix that. going with my sister to work today (at the mall) so that's 6 hours i don't have to eat. i did pretty well yesterday, until my sister came home. then i ate dinner with her&i wasn't able to throw it up because she stayed up. boo.

but that as yesterday, today is today. wish me luck.

p.s. not weighing myself for a while, it's easier to stay empty when i just use the mirror.

xoxo
zette

5:29pm

 

or we would always end up like this:

 

nevernevernever.

xoxo

zette

5:15pm

cut the crust off a slice of pizza&left the crust on the plate. gave the rest to my dog. doing things like this makes it so much easier. not that my mom would care if i didn't eat, but she'd tell people, &those people might care.

so here i am, empty except for all the water i'm drinking. water won't hurt me though. so for now, i'm okay.

xoxo
zette

11:28am

running 4 miles always makes me smile. i'm strong. i can do it. 120, i'll be there soon.

xoxo

zette

10:38pm

i'm supposed to stay at 125. ideal body weight is apparently 130-140. GROSS.

shooting for 120. first goal weight in a while.

xoxo

zette

5:10pm

time to double workouts or i'll never be in shape in time for summer. leg workouts are my favorites, because they burn so many calories&boost my metabolism for the day. also, drinking a glass or two more of water to fill me up so i'll quit overeating. 

zette

8:39 am

not eating today. i look disgusting. fml.

 zette

8:25 pm

so cold. the weather isn't too bad, but i'm always freezing these days. p.s. christmas, you're coming too quickly.


zette