10:58am

well, shit. wriggled out of doing algebra for quite a while but i'm going today. i'm watching "losing it with jillian". those who know me know i love love love jillian michaels. she's a badass. anyways, had half a wheat pancake&some kefir for breakfast. lunch will be half a cliff bar&dinner will be the other half or soup. gonna run my ass off tonight. i feel good today physically. i actually have energy. emotionally&mentally i'm completely drained. do nightmares do that to you, too? they wear me out. whatever.

thinspo:

or:

check out the pale chubster in the back. beefy arms are not cute. if you're going to have big arms at least work them out so there's some definition going on. fatties gross me out&lazy fatties piss me off.

xoxo

zette

10:21am

i've got to start getting up earlier. maybe i should find a job. besides being a stripper, cause if i behave myself properly then this body will not qualify. bony strippers don't get tips. anyway, i stumbled upon a blog i like alot. not many guys in our little world so i thought i'd share. http://mdzq.blogspot.com/ check it out.

well since i just woke up, (yes, posting for you guys is a priority) i'm empty. i'll get a glass of water&a rice cake when i get off here. or maybe a granola bar? hm..80 calories or 90 calories...maybe the rice cake&a banana. only allowing this much cause i'm going running later&i'll be doing all my workouts double today. man i'm lucky to have you guys. i don't always have the motivation to rid my body of this unnecessary cushion but your blogs&comments manage to get me going again. cheers for our little community.

thinspo:

or:

i always say "or" cause it is a choice. nobody made you fat but you. &nobody can make you skinny but you. so go for it. okay, i know the smaller girl isn't even that great of thinspo but i do love comparison. let's be small. stay strong, lovelies. &thanks so so so much for your support.

xoxo

zette

11:39am

good morning, kiddies. well, morning for me. i had half a cliff bar&some water for breakfast. 120 calories. maybe going to my brother's for algebra later. if not, skating to my sister's to swim with my niece. i miss my skateboard. it's sitting there in my closet. i haven't gone skating since i fell on my shoulder&chickened out. plus skating is for boys, or so i was told a thousand times. so....last night was fun. went with my family to a fireworks thing. there was a tallish water slide my niece wanted to go on. she's 4years old. but when it was her turn she got scared so i took off my shoes&gave my phone to my sister&went with her. my shorts were heavy&falling off the rest of the night. when the sun went down&the fireworks started it was great...except it was breezy. being pelted with fireworks debris made my legs itchy. but it was fun anyways. wore me out completely. or i thought it did. then i came home&energy came from nowhere. so i was up until 3 writing lyrics&playing piano. the little artist in me woke up. (okay i really didn't mean that to sound so creepy..)

19 days to lose weight before my sister gets here. although the place i eat is the same place i do all my exercises, they seem completely different. when i eat i turn everything off&usually sit on the floor. sometimes i get grossed out hearing myself chew&only get through half a meal. when i work out i have a tv show on or some loud music, like ke$ha or lady gaga. oops. i'm kind of all over the place today. sorry about that. my mind wanders.

thinspo:

or:

again, i made it huge so you guys can compare as heartlessly as i did. i wish i could be shorter. i feel as if even when i reach my goal weight&pass it, i'll always always always be a giant. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. skittles: puke the rainbow. for real. i opened a bag of skittles the other day&left them in my room. a big bag, mind you. i gave in&had a few&then purged. it was very colorful. my throat burns.

2:59pm

i guess ana hope is better than regular hope cause i'm feeling much better. a little tired but doing all my normal exercises. only two more hater emails left to reply to. funny how they have so much courage to stand up to me...anonymously. really? whatevz. i'm at around 200 calories for the day. 300 but i purged&i'd rather underestimate how much i got out. toothbrushes are so handy....wow, my brain is all over the place. my sister is driving down here on july 18. i have to lose weight by then. i will not be the fat sister.

thinspo:

or:

back fat alert. also, i'm addicted to all the "fitting in fail" pictures on epicfail.com...i can't even help myself. they make me smile. i'm a little bit evil, yeah? oh well. being judgmental isn't a compliment i suppose but it keeps me focused. stay strong today, lovelies, wherever you are.

xoxo

zette

p.s. not gonna lie, 215 crunches kicked my ass today. ouchh.

6:23pm

to put it plainly, i've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. clear? oh goody. okay, so i'm sick. had a sore throat yesterday&woke up today feeling all grody. not a big fan of being sick. but if i'm not going to help my immune system along by feeding my body then i suppose i should get used to it. to be fair, i can take vitamins. but i never seem to remember. so sick it is. hope you guys are doing better. also, can i just remind you how amazing you are? i'm not sure what i'd do without you guys. prolly talk to my cat. i'd be a crazy cat girl. yikes. thanks for being my saviors from that weird fate.

one of my friends, we'll call her chels, talks all the time about how fat she is&how much she wants to lose weight, etc. but when offered legit weight loss advice she said it was too hard&gave up after...wait for it....2 days. wow. the thing is, she actually is fat. so instead of getting "chels shut up you're not fat." she gets "i told you how to lose weight&you blew me off." i offered for her to come running with me in the mornings. but she doesn't like to run. of course she doesn't. she'd rather eat a fucking 400 calorie muffin for breakfast. luckily she's dramatic so once in a while she starves herself for attention. maybe if she gets really desperate she'll get skinny. fingers crossed, let the drama ensue.

thinspo:

or:

oh god. the fat friend strikes again. fat comes much faster than it leaves. hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:16pm

just had dinner. water&lemon for you curious ones. the party yesterday was alright. i had to leave early so i never even had to get in the pool. which is good cause i was having a fat day for real. check it out, i'm the one in the giant pink shirt.

yikes. flabby legs. isn't flabby a gross word? i think it is. &i think it suits me. i want to see more bones. my collarbones stick out no matter what i weigh&my ribs&hips show too but my back has a nasty layer of fat&my legs are huge.also, my arms have gone soft. they got bigger&my muscle ran away. can't starve&have muscle, i suppose. just means i'll have to be extra disciplined. which i am. but my goddamn family keeps me from my goals. sometimes i wish i could be alone with my disease. anybody else? just me? alright, i'm crazy. i know.

thinspo:

or:

before&afters can be painful. instead of ballooning, let's go backwards&shrink. i want to be small. &i'm guessing you want to be small. &since it's possible, we should go for it. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:25pm

algebra will be the death of me. it's lame being the stupid child in a family of geniuses. academically i'm a little...slow. goodbye summer. i'm sorry algebra had to break s up so soon. okay anyways, i can't do abc. i can do my best but i can't follow it. not with my mother bitching at me&my sister watching. sorry, kids. at the moment i'm watching hell's kitchen on hulu. they're serving food&i'm sipping water. home alone until this evening, then a birthday party. oh god. it's a pool party with "tons of food". i'm fucked. i'm not going to eat but i still look like a whale in a bikini. a beluga, cause of my pale skin. on the bright side, i'm going to my best buddy's house tonight. well, we were best buddies for quite a while. then we grew up. her family got better&my family got worse. pretty stoked to hang out with her though. &as a bonus, her family already knows i'm weird about food so they won't make me eat. i might get a talk but no calories necessary. pretty swell setup. i'm going to reply to all your emails&then clean my room. should take plenty of time&then i'll be off to the party. cheers.

random thinspo:

or:

well...if you want to be thinner you'd better skip dinner. stay strong today, ladies. i'd write more but i just finished a blackberry-banana-almond milk smoothie&i feel sick so i'll go get rid of it.

xoxo

zette

9:21am

well i stayed under 500 yesterday. &why didn't i do this sooner? my food journal looks to pretty with "abc" written in it. i just woke up so there's not much to say. day 2 will be easy, i'm home alone as usual. rice cake&half a banana for breakfast. oh, i got up at 5:30am to run again. but my legs are shot so it turned into sort of a slow jog instead....then i walked home. so i'm only doing crunches today&i'm running again thursday night. i hate when i wear myself out. i don't mean to, i just get frustrated about how much i've eaten&when it's too late to purge i need to burn calories. this obsession is going to kill me someday. but hopefully i'll die skinny. shabam.

thinspo:

or:

i made it huge so you could see the fat white legs behind her. not a difficult choice. you can be the beautiful girl or the fatass next to her. ana is simple but i know it can be hard. all the shit that comes with losing more weight than some people choose to will be worth it. it's okay to be dizzy if you look good, right? hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

for the haters who are apparently still reading my blog, fuck off. i can only waste your time if you let me.

2:54pm

binged last night. dinner with the family. salad=fine. green beans=fine. steak=big no no. fuck fuck fuck. got home too late to get any exercise so i crashed. then my mother stuck around longer than i thought she would this morning. so i just got home from running. only ran about a mile&a half. lame, i know. i could have gone longer even though it's 100 degrees outside. but surprise was worn out after a mile. so i carried her the half mile back.now she's on my bed in front of the fan. but under a sheet, cause she's eternally snuggling. love that dog. anyways, my mother will be home around 6 but i'm hoping we'll go to the grocery store immediately so we can get things to make salsa. chips&salsa isn't awful. so dinner should be fine. lunch was skipped&there will be no snacking. breakfast was a banana&a rice cake. anyways, 100 degrees is a little warm for running. i get dizzy when i run in the heat. it's the same feeling i get sometimes when i stand up to fast&everything goes dark&fuzzy&my head hurts for a second or two. maybe weakness, maybe strength, depending on how you look at it. i'm prolly going to start abc soon. i forget who i was going to start it with. zette memory is terrible.

thinspo:

or:

just a little innocent comparison......but look who's snacking? unfortunately, not all of us can have perfect bodies&eat goldfish, too. stay strong, ladies.

xoxo

zette

9:08am

happy saturday, kiddos. half a serving of almond milk for breakfast - 20cals. sorry the reverse thinspo disappeared yesterday. damn disappearing pitchas. anyways, i'm out of the zero calorie sodas. boooo. so no more pictures of my giant collarbones. maybe i'll never win. cause when i'm fat, well...i'm fat...&then when i start losing weight i complain of a giant ribcage&big collarbones&hipbones that could be used as weapons. i'm pathetic. i was going to get up at 5:30 to run this morning but i forgot to set an alarm&i don't wake up that early on my own so i'll run tonight. i'd go now but it's so fucking hot outside i might keel over after a mile. oh, &i'm trying to catch up on emails. most of the haters' emails are sitting there still. i replied to a few. used my manners so i can pretend i would never sink to their level. but i would. i'm such a bitch. but you guys already know that. anyways if you emailed me&haven't gotten a reply this is my apology, i'm getting to it i swear. &keep them coming. ilovezette@yahoo.com

thinspo:

or:

personally, i don't want to see more curvy models. i prefer models to be something i dream of being, not something i already am&don't want to be. that's just my personal opinion. feel free to share yours, as always.

xoxo

zette

11:21am

buddy of mine told me he's "tired of diet zette." as if i'm a soda? oh boy. apparently i'm boring&flavorless now. which is fair cause over the past couple months i've been less of a bitch. i haven't been nicer. i just haven't gone out of my way as much to throw rude comments around. i just have no energy. seriously. it's not just after i go running or at the end of the day. it's as soon as i wake up. when i get in the shower, when i'm doing laundry, when i'm sitting on the floor putting makeup on. i want to go to bed&sleep for about a week. but i know i'd wake up tired. being tired all the time is just so....tiring? does that even make sense? i'm not sure. but it's getting old. i guess C will have to get used to diet zette cause unless i get fatter again i'll prolly be mellow for a while. no food=no energy but no food=smaller body. fair trade, don't you think? flavor today is kiwi strawberry.

 best necklace ever. i like owls. why does my neck look so weird?

thinspo:

or:

it's a good idea to invite your fat friends to take pictures with you. then even if your arms are flabby, at least you don't have fucking side boobs in comparison. gross. anyways, stay strong today. as always, email me if you need me.

xoxo

zette

3:20pm

so....got up at 5:30 this morning. stretched&did a few lunges&crunches&then went running just before 6. got back home after 7. i like being the first at the park. it's quiet. &here in my hometown it's 80 by sunrise&90 by 10am. 90degrees isn't fun to run in. sometimes i run at night but then i cramp up more. anyhow....i'm kind of in love with diet natural soda. sick of diet coke. the flavors are pretty good. flavor for today is peach.

thinspo:

or:

i can't get over beach pictures. they make me happy. i don't even like the beach. but the comparisons are fantastic. i wish the fatties would at least get a tan. don't require a tan, ladies. thin girls can be pale if they want to be. fatties can't. thin is a great accessory&i cannot wait to wear it.

xoxo

zette