12:12pm

so this cold feeling is here to stay, i think. my fingers move slowly&my brain lags behind, too. i've got my curtains open so the sun is warming my room. i'm about to jump in the shower. i take long showers. being cold makes me stiff&achy&a long hot shower is amazing. also, got my period for the first time in a while. cramps have already left. they come the day i get it&the day it leaves. kind of like a warning. so it works out fine. what now....oh, duh.

thinspo:

or:

little black dresses are for little girls. pale whales with chin(s)-length haircuts need something with arm&cankle coverage. just saying. i'm off to shower. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. winter is going to kill me. tips on staying warm?

3:27pm

costco. i love costco. for those in the dark, it's a store where you can buy things in bulk. i don't shop there much but i love being in there. i feel so small. since i don't feel small very often, it's nice when i do. anybody else get that? thanks for the input on how you count cals. i cannot stress enough the importance of keeping a food journal. it helps me tons. if you have trouble writing in every day, it helps me to write the date&my weight first thing in the morning. that way i can look at yesterday&see if what i did helped me to lose or if it made me gain. just saying. no rambling today.

thinspo:

or:

what have i said about matching outfits? only allow it if you look better in it. not even crazy zebra print can hide her size. the spaghetti straps do nothing for her flabby arms. bad choice. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. what's your favorite kind of tea? my current favorite is a tie between the peppermint or apple cider tea i have. they're both pretty swell.

9:30am

good morning, ladies. i'm having my favoritest breakfast: rice chex cereal with vanilla coconut milk: 150 cals. okay, so discussion....how do you add up your calories? for me, i take the ingredients of things (since most of my food is homemade) &add the cals that way. i write down all the exercises i do but i don't write down what i burned. if i purge, i take away 50cals. so my total is simply what i ate. buuuut some of you have your intake&then subtract what you burned in your workout, giving you a smaller total for the day.

i suppose everyone does it different. most of you aren't as mean to yourselves as i am to myself. which you get kudos for. although i've decided that i might like my cheekbones. they're crazy high cause of the native american genes on my mother's side. so that means i like two things about myself. yes, i'm still okay with my left eye. i'm not sure if this post is making sense or not. oh well.

thanks for all the insight about why i might be cold. the calorie thing makes sense. but i'm not willing to fix it so i suppose i should quit complaining about it. another thing i should quit whining about? my feet. they hurt. all the time. but it's only because i take my trusty razorblade&cut them open when i get frustrated. &when i wake up from a nightmare. my nightmares scare me like none other. so i cut, just to get out of my head. it works. don't hate. though sometimes i wish i hadn't started 5 years ago. i'd say how old i was but i don't put my age on here, though i know at least two of you know anyway&the rest of you could prolly guess. i obviously don't share my weight, either. that's my number one rule, just before 'never finish an entire serving of anything' & 'never go back for seconds'. just three rules&lots of guidelines. does anyone else have a never again list? all i have on my list are pie&donuts. i like to give myself realistic guidelines. i'm not sure if i should or not. but i do. so that's that. stubborn little thing, i am. whoa, rambling like none other. sorry. i've just missed posting. anyway, our computer just had spyware&i took it off so now we're good. cheers for that.

thinspo will be different today cause i found pictures of this girl&couldn't stop myself.

pretty self-explanatory. i wish my arms were that small.

i want to be able to wear tiny clothes like that someday. someone get that blonde some sleeves though.

arms from left to right: thin, average, thin, chubby. the mexican man behind them is not included in the comparison but he gets creeper points.

oh, also she is crazy tall. which works for her. cause she's skinny. it doesn't work for me. cause i'm not skinny yet. but i'm getting there. points for trying? maybe. stay strong today, lovelies. lets be the skinniest out of all our friends.

xoxo

zette

p.s. so so so happy to be back. off to comment now. &thanks for the emails, kids.

10:38am

couldn't post cause i was at my sister's. &my mother may have given our home computer a virus. i'll keep you ladies posted. sorry for the absence. gahhh i have so much to tell you but i've no time right now. thinspo is a must, though. warm thinspo, cause i am freeeeeezing.

thinspo:

or:

i think we've talked before about fatties having great hair. either they have amazing hair or awful hair. either they work their only asset or they don't try at all. either way seems kind of a lame way to live though, don't you think? maybe it's silly but i dream of the day i won't have to cover myself with big long-sleeved shirts&baggy pants. stay strong today, lovelies. enjoy the sunshine if you have it there.

xoxo

zette

p.s. random question, anybody else cold when they shouldn't be? i'm not underweight but i'm freezing anyways. i used to sleep in short&a tank top. now it's sweat pants&a hoodie. always always always cold.

10:58pm

almost bedtime, but i owe you guys an update. well i've lost two pounds. &i'll be seeing my friend for sure monday afternoon, but maybe sunday evening as well. i'm incredibly nervous. she's one of three people i'm really close to. &all three of those people are in different states: oregon, kentucky, &colorado. anyway, i'm just going to work on maintaining this weight. my sister will be out of town. i'm prepared. i bought quite a bit of target brand sparkling flavored water. zero calories. i love them. so i'll survive on those plus lots of exercise to include swimming in her super cold pool. hopefully that'll wake up what's left of my muscles. any encouragement would be greatly appreciated. i'm really sorry i haven't been commenting. i have to clean my sister's house tomorrow but after that i'm going to set some extra time aside to comment&reply to more emails. until then, hold my apologies.

reverseee:

ignore the boy. the girl on the left is lovely. the one on the right is...well, okay.

the girl in the yellow is not smaller than i am, but she is better proportioned..tan girl needs help. stripes ought to be on what not to wear. the other one..well she's just incredibly average.

pink leggins got it goin' on. well, her weight anyway. the outfits i'm sure were for some 80's occasion. so, stay strong, lovelies. i really do i miss you all tremendously.

xoxo

zette

p.s. got pulled over for the very first time today. friggin state trooper. luckily it was just cause the car my mother&i are using has illegal blackout plastic over the brake lights. still. boo.

12:10am

forgot to mention to you guys that i'm still breathing. so....i am.

thinspo:

or:

251 is perfect. i'm about the opposite skin color (porcelain doll ish) but dang, she has amazing legs. i feel like i've used one of those photos before..hm...oops. oh well. stay strong today, lovelies (unless it's bedtime where you are like it is for me. in that case sweetest dreams to you.)

xoxo

zette

10:22am

zette is going to scream. cause people keep telling her she's a bad person. that picture post was a bad move. bad bad bad. that she should stop complaining about being fat when she's 'so not'. the support doesn't cancel it out anymore&it's starting to hurt. zette is hoping she chokes or drowns or breaks into pieces cause zette is done.

thinspo:

or:

zette isn't a fan of the haircut. but she'd rather be thin&wear a hat than fat as a walrus&still have ponytail ability. if you'll excuse her, zette is going back to bed. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. deleted the post so fuck off, abigail.

10:34am

good morning, kiddies. i'm feeling much better. sore all over&i deserve it. i kinda hate&i kinda like how every time i'm down you guys throw my advice back in my face. i'm always telling you guys not to beat yourself up for binges but what did i do? work out every chance i got. ended up being about 5 hours throughout the day. yeah, i slept well. today i've gotta pack some stuff up to go to b&c's house. they're at a camp thing so i'll be over there to keep their house company&feed their dog. beth was listing the things in the fridge&freezer&pantry&said i could have anything i want. um...i think i'll bring my own food. fruit&veggies&eggs. what was my point....oh well for starters i lost a pound instead of gaining. damn. didn't see that coming.

&i won't be blogging this weekend cause i only blog on my computer. so...you can email me though. what else....oh, wedding tonight. took me forever yesterday to pick out what to wear. finally settled on a grey sweater dress with purple heels&a black blazer. loose enough to hide my fat but not so loose that i look like a trash bag. i'm stoked about staying at their house though. i love it. &the pool is cool so i'll go swimming, maybe burn some extra calories cause of the temperature. someone told me the other day "zette you're going to kill yourself with this goddamn diet." it took everything in me to not say "so?". sometimes i wonder how much i'm willing to sacrifice to be thin. then i remember: everything.

thinspo:

or:

even if all you could see were the faces, you'd be able to tell. fat girls have fat everythings. well except hair. fat girls usually have lovely hair. why? cause they can put lots of makeup on that face but no bronzer can hide multiple chins. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. thanks for all your support yesterday. you ladies are the greatest. kelly thanks for saying they'd kick me out. lovelybones i highly doubt they'd ;et you in but i know it can feel like it. blah.

p.s.s. i love this thinspo cause it's still real girl but it just looks so lovely.

3:33pm

whatthefuck? no no no i hadn't binged in so long. fuck. my friend will be here in 16 days. she's going to think i'm huge. why? cause i am huge. fuckfuckfuck. looks like i'ma be a cow for halloween. 1200 calories&it's not even 4pm. seriously? zette=fail.

thinspo:

or:

so maybe she doesn't know what's going on but at least she can stand there looking pretty. the fatasses better know the dance. hopefully they burned some calories.

that's all i got. i don't feel like i have room to bash fatties today since i seem to have signed up for the chub club. stay strong today, lovelies. stronger than me.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'll get around to catching up. eventually. sorry.

1:11pm

okay..so.....last night i had ice cream...&soup....&i went over 600. so i purged. but even when i purge the most i ever subtract in my food journal is 50. i don't want to cheat. i tend to round up when i eat something with no specific calories. like a teaspoon of ice cream that is prolly ten i'll call twenty, etc. went running this morning&if i'd eaten breakfast it would be on the grass at the park. i want to run but i can't&it's so frustrating. kinda got mad at myself for not being able to handle it so i came home&did 200 crunches 500 jumping jacks. gonna keep today around 300cals. just cause i can. i feel huge. &i look huge. that means i'm huge, right??

thinspo:

or:

i love this. the girl in yellow is lovely, though i'd dress her differently. but the girl in athletic shorts is a ginormosaurus. rawr. if you ever see her, run. she looks like she might eat people. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i feel like i'm running out of nice things to say. i'm not a nice person&it's hard to say something positive to all of you. i do mean what i say. just takes me five minutes to think of it.

p.s.s. i'll be gone all day so i'll answer all the emails tonight. i didn't forget.

10:55am

shmood shmoring, ladies. (when V lived with me we said things like that..shmood shmorning, gatorshmade, &shmeshmoderant.) anyhow, intake yesterday was high. 620. oh well. two buttons on my phone aren't working correctly so i'm going to sprint today to see if the can fix it. they might just say it's water damage&send me off. they do that sometimes. hmm.....well, i had ice cream last night around midnight. one teaspoon. i purged, drank 4oz of water&then did 50 crunches. fuck you, ice cream. i win. then i stayed up&did jumping jacks for ten minutes (which is hard for me, without stopping) &then sparring (boxing alone).

i want a punching bag. i'll beg everybody to pull together for christmas for a new camera. my family might actually go for it. they're big on that sort of thing. especially V&her husband. so i'll save up for a punching bag. cause that'd be nice. something to hit when i get pissed off (which is pretty often. shocker, right?)&i'll be burning calories.

in other news i can't seem to run much anymore. i get dizzy quickly&every time a foot hits the pavement i feel as if it's my head hitting it instead. i'm having a hard time accepting this. i want to run 4 miles every morning at 5:30am. but i'll have to cut back, which makes me sad.

fortunately there are tons of other exercises i can do that won't hurt. &i was wondering what kind of music you guys listen to during your workout? i usually put on paramore cause it clears my mind&i lose track of time. but sometimes i put on mangry music like linkin park&three days grace. ho-hum. i've been trying to comment on just about everything. what else...oh, right.

thinspo:

or:

does any other state do homecoming mums? i think they're retarded. &they're expensive. however, fatty could have used one here to hide her size. "hi, i'm blonde. so you should like me even though i'm a pig&don't dress well." oops. putting words in peoples mouths again. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. does anyone else paint their nails more than once a week&sleep with a nightlight? just curious.

p.s.s. isla lynn, thanks for being so awesome.

2:40pm

went grocery shopping last night. got some good stuff&some naughty stuff. all of it easily portioned though. here's what i added the the fridge:

deli meat chicken (okay) one slice is only 13cals

pepperjack cheese (okay) one slice is 60cals

bread (okay) one slize is 70cals

broccoli sprouts mix (good) serving is about 20cals

iceberg lettuce (good) about 10 calories a cup

snow peas (good) 10 pods are 14cals

wheat saltines (okay) 5 crackers is 60cals

tuna (good) half a can is

canned tamales (bad) serving size is 2 tamales which would be 190. i eat half of one, so 50cals

oatmeal cream pies (badbadbad) 170 a cookie, i only eat 1/4 so 45cals

neopolitan ice cream (badbadbad) 1/2 cup is 130cals, i eat a spoonful only so i call it 40cals

italian vinaigrette dressing (good) 2 tbsp is 30cals

capri sun waters (good) 30cals for one

orange juice (good) cup is 120cals but i dilute it.

rice chex cereal (good) 1 cup is 100cals

pretzel sticks (good) about 2 cals each, i carry 25 in a ziploc bag with me.

so not terrible. but not great. i'd much rather get all fruits&veggies&juice&maybe fish. but i need my mother to think i'm normal. &the bad things are bad but they last me a long time. so it's not as if they'll be gone within a week. okay, i'm just trying to make myself feel better. whatever. i have a headache again today. but i'm going running after my brother takes me driving. gotta learn how to drive a standard. blah. thanks tons for all the encouragement. you ladies are great. sorry i seem so cold. i'm not meaning to me. i really do appreciate it. sorry. i'm trying.

thinspo:

or:

little black dress was a good call. the girl on the far left looks great. the others..well...they're just average. average with a pretty face. lazy asses. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i honestly don't understand how i could be an inspiration to anybody. but having 256 followers. damn. when did that happen? i remember being so excited to have 26.

9:27am

i'm shaky. i'm cold. i get dizzy during exercise. my head hurts. my stomach is sore&beginning to reject certain things of the edible variety. i can't think straight all the time. but i'm shrinking. that's all that matters. someday i'll be small, like these girls.

or:

a night out. well...the girl on the left has her shit together, though i'm not sure i approve any of their outfits. still. at least she doesn't look like she eats vehicles for lunch. you can tan all you want, fatass, but we can still see you. i'm doing my best to ignore the balding one. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'm not trying to ignore your sweet comments about my update pictures. it's just...nothing is affecting me lately. sorry. you girls are the greatest, though. maybe i'll accept compliments when i reach my goal weight? i don't know.