10:21am

i wake up around 8. i stare at the ceiling&tell myself today will be fine. an hour later, i roll out of bed to wash my face, brush my teeth, &pour a glass of orange juice. my stomach hurts so i let myself have a spoonful of yogurt, too, even though that is not in the plan. i grab a straw for my juice&sit indian style in front of the computer. i read all the blogs posted while i was sleeping&comment if i have something to say. i go to my dashboard&open a new post. i type what is on my mind, then i find pictures of girls who are thinner than i am. then i sign out&do my morning crunches. the rest of the day is a blur. i might hang out with a friend, i might not. i might go running, it might be too hot. i might wear the dark shorts&i might wear the light ones. i might see my thighs in the mirror&hide them in jeans instead. my life is back to the monotony i appreciate. the boring habits i so carefully formed&control. my life is fine. despite my injured kitten, my drunk sister, my dead nephew, my backstabbing friend, my irrelevant father, my apathetic mother, &my huge thighs, i'm going to be okay.

thinspo:

or:

some people are small&some people are not. luckily for the people who are not, this problem has a solution. i will be small. i can't make myself shorter but i can make my tall frame more bearable. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. have i mentioned how happy i am to be back? cause i am. i missed you girls tremendously.

10:05am

well i took your advice&let myself have some fun with my sister. i think my favorite part of the trip was going to garden of the gods. at the end of the trail there was a sign that said "warning: serious injuries&fatalities have occurred beyond this point. play it safe-stay off the rocks" seriously? is that a dare? so we climbed waaay past it. example:

ignore my huge legs. but it was so fun. one part was tricky. crazy steep with bats living in the wall on our left. another fun part was just driving up the mountain. you know, where there's a rock wall on one side&a dropoff on the other? the greatest. there were parts that weren't great. met up with my brother-in-law's old buddy J. he's an ass. one of those guys who talks about nothing but getting laid, yet so ugly that all you can think about is "what blind old grump would fuck you?" cause of my braces, he named me "ugly betty" &proceeded to call me so for the duration of his stay. i pretended it didn't bother me. i even put on my glasses, said an ugly betty line, &laughed with him. wrong move, apparently, cause then he called me fat. just a couple times a day. but i did wait for everyone to fall asleep&then inspect every inch of my body in front of the mirror in the bathroom. that turned out to be a good thing. motivated me to eat less while i was there. lost 2 pounds&gained 1. boo. &now i'm home. 

i really don't like being home. first of all, it's in the high 90's here. i stepped out of the airport&melted instantly. but surprise was happy to see me. i was walking from the baggage claim when i spotted my mother with my dog on the leash. so i called her&everybody "awww"ed at our little moment. unfortunately, my mother ignored what i said about keeping my kitten indoors at all times&let her outside. she told me she has a "sore" on the back of her neck. by sore she means gash. it was healing but i cleaned it, which made it itch, which made her scratch, which made the scab start peeling. fail. i feel bad for my kitty. if i had any money i'd take her to the vet. instead, i'm going to get ginormosaurus bandaids to cover it. on the bright side, it looks disgusting. totally killed my appetite. i'd post a picture but i don't want those of you with sensitive stomachs to lose your carefully planned breakfast.

but now that i'm home, i can focus on one thing:shrinking. my dramatic friend says i act this way cause i want to disappear. she tends to put meaning into things that don't have any meaning at all. she's just one of those people who could ask "why?" over&over until you say "just because". but in a way she has zero grasp of being sensitive. she's as blunt&stubborn as i am. so she practically jokes about me not eating&i don't tell her but it hurts my feelings big time. boo for insensitive people. fuck. after that wad of rambling, thinspo:

or:

just saying. it's alright to whine about being big. but just be sure to restrict&exercise, too. whining doesn't actually burn many calories. &please don't give me shit for the bony thinspo. i like it. kapeesh? wow, apologies for the bitchy attitude. hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:11pm

make a wish, bitches. zette is back. i miss you all so much&i'm glad some of you bravies emailed me. that helped. i'm going to bed in 5-4-3-2-1 but i'll write a real post in the morning, pink promise.

miss athletic has a knee injury? at least she gets off her ass&does something. screw you, fatties. we're shooting for thin, right? right. so stop eating whatever you're eating&do a couple crunches or something. goodnight, lovelies, stay strong.

xoxo

zette

9:50pm

hey i'm leaving in about 5 hours for colorado. please email me while i'm gone. ilovezette@yahoo.com

i'll be back the evening of the 28th. stay strong, lovelies. oh&today my sister said "she's getting so thin.." success. okay, bedtime. get ready, get zette, go.

xoxo

zette

10:32am

shit. my sister will be here in a few hours. sorry i didn't post last night, met up with some friends at a very crowded harbor&then came home&crashed. &i had a dream last night that i was a hooker. if i ever choose that profession, please stop me. yikes. so...really nervous about seeing my seester. but totally stoked. i miss her tons. even if she is smaller than me, whatever. it's gonna be a blast.

thinspo:

 

 or:

g

smaller wins. always. i'm wondering why there's a measuring tape in this picture? whatever. anyway, i'm gonna do my morning crunches (200) before my sister gets here. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

12:56pm

my orthodontist got married. he's more friendly now. but my mouth hurts like hell. got bananas&juice&some low calorie soup at the store. &applesauce. unsweetened cause it's 50cals whereas the sweetened is 100cals. i've got to babysit soon so i don't have much time but i'll post thinspo later. pinky promise. also, i love love love checking my email&finding comments from new people. cause then i have to to go their profile&check out their blog. you guys are fantastic. stay strong today, lovelies.

the or:

fatty&skinny&average, oh my.

xoxo

zette

11:57am

didn't sleep very well last night. then got up at 5:30 to stretch&run. run seems a bit extreme. i only went 2 miles or so. then came back home&crashed, thus the morning post at noon. i was just thinking about how much i dislike silence when the cicadas started up. when i was a kid my sisters&i would go out at night with flashlights&pick them off trees, cause they'd be in their shells. then we'd take them home&set them somewhere&watch them crack their shells&dry their wings. the next morning their wings would be dry&we'd let them go. when it would storm we would sit on either the front or back porch, depending on which way the wind was blowing. those were good nights. we'd all have a blanket&talk about whatever. i do have a pretty great family. at least i have good siblings. my parents weren't raised very well so they didn't raise us well either. so they're sort of irrelevant. what started that? oh, my hatred for silence&the cicada cure. okay, trip down memory lane over. 

my sister will be here friday evening. that's 2 days of restricting&workouts that i thought i had&don't now. i've already lost a little, but i need to lose more. but with only 2 days..suuuure. that'll happen. okay, so i'm a little frustrated. no worries. i have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow mornings&then i babysit my niece at 1. the rest of the day will be filled with painting&laundry&all that fun stuff. i swear i had something to say when i logged into blogger. oops.

thinspo:

or:

well....again....at least the correct girl is in stripes. stripes are great when they cover something that fits well. otherwise they stretch apart&it looks like fat is trying to escape out of prison.

xoxo

zette

8:49am

okay, this is as close to a pep talk as i'll ever give. i'm only being nice cause so so so many of us are struggling right now&that kinda bums me out. anyways, a little venting first. oh sure, "big boned". bones don't jiggle, dumbass. fat people are not fun to look at most of the time. it's bad enough when they know they're fat&hate it, or even know it&accept that they're unhealthy&love their bodies anyways. but when somebody is obviously overweight&they make excuses for it? ew. at least we see room for improvement&are doing something about it. maybe we're a little extreme but most changes won't kick off with a whisper. anyhow, kudos to you for being proactive. also, i leave for colorado in 5 days.i'm really excited but also nervous...what if my sister lost more weight than i did? i doubt it, she's not that self conscious&she's pretty healthy, but what if i still look huge in comparison? fuck. maybe i'll find something that i'm not obsessive about&give my brain a chance to focus on something that doesn't matter. maybe.

&to those of you who are down, add something new to your plan. something new to focus on usually helps get me going. personally, two of my rules are 1) never ever ever get seconds, &2) never ever ever finish a whole serving. that goes for everything. you don't have to follow those. just examples. another thing that helps (if you're on the computer alot or always carry your phone) is to change your background image to our favorite thinspo. just for the day, or as long as you can get away with it. looking at someone smaller than i am always makes me just a little less hungry. besides that, you know the rest of the tips. hang in there. here are people who are skinny&happy.

thinspo:

or:

well some people are small&some people are....not. let's be small. we've chosen this already so let's keep it up. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. let yourself laugh today. charr sent me this yesterday&it made my day. oh chubsters...

1:45pm

hi kids. alot of you seem down. or frustrated. or something. cheer up, ladies. i know motivation comes in waves sometimes&that's a bummer but it'll be back. just do your best.

thinspo:

or:

okay so none of them are huge. but i like best the one on the left. excuse the dr. seussical rhyming. anyways, i've had 300 calories today&it's not even 2 yet. oops. water water water until dinner, which will have something to do with eggplant. stay strong, lovelies. i leave in 6 days. i'll miss you so pretty please email me.

xoxo

zette

p.s. your comments made me laugh yesterday. mental "or" category. iloveit.

4:03pm

well....nothing new. 7 days til i go to colorado. i don't think i'll post there (it'd suck if i got caught) but i'll be emailing. ilovezette@yahoo.com if you have anything at all to say.

thinspo:

 or:

oh boy. at least the thinny is the one wearing stripes&not mcfatty. some fat girls do that&it hurts my eyes.

xoxo

zette

8:04pm

so i've logged on like 10 times today&had nothing to say. so here's the 11th. i'll just spill. alrighty, so today at chikfila (not gonna lie, best fast food ever when allowed) had an event. dress up like a cow, get free food. so my oldest sister took me&my niece to get some lunch. it was fun. she was all dressed up&i put black eyeshadow on both our noses. we ate our food&then my sister&i played a word game while my niece made friends. it was fun. unfortunately, that took me over my calorie limit. so i'm going running tonight, pretty soon. it's raining, but i like running in the rain. also, my skinny sister (9 more days) left her epilator here. since pain has always been a release for me in a sort of morbid way, i've been using it. it hurts like fuck. but my legs will be smoothe. &it helps me calm down when i get stressed. noisy little thing though....anyways..thanks for all the comments, kids. you make me smile.

thinspo:

or:

i always try to post real girl thinspo but i couldn't help myself. you can have your cake&eat it too but you'll be huge huge huge. ohh forgot to tell you about my dream last night?? it was weird. but basically it was me&a few other girls&thinspo had become illegal, so we were smuggling&selling it. oh boy. cheers for thinspo being so readily available when my mind wanders. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. to you email people, thanks for being as hard on me as i am on you.

9:26am

i feel like i'm moving in slow motion. i keep typing things backwards&walking to the other side of the house for...something? oh well. good morning, ladies&madzaq. blueberry morning, that is. a tiny tiny tiny serving of this blueberry cereal for breakfast. by tiny i mean a serving is 1 1/4 cup (huge, yes?) &i'm having 1/4 cup. go me. i think. also i can't find my midol&since it's that lovely time of the month i'm cramping. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. it's a do month. awesome. nothing planned for the day. going to do some more algebra&maybe a load of laundry. oh, &finish this episode of pretty little liars. cause whatsherface has tiny arms&i like that. i want to have smaller arms. but that will happen as i do things like have 1/5 serving of cereal. i hope i can find something to make me feel better. i need to do double workouts again. my sister will be here in 10 days in all her 5'5" skinny glory. i love her but she makes me feel like a whale. bigger than a whale. like...i don't know, an island? i'm an island&she's just a tiny little person. i'll never forgive myself for letting her have smaller legs than i have. but i will have smaller legs than hers one day. this fat won't stay forever.i really wish i had more energy though..

thinspo:

or:

&here we see a fatty in her natural habitat, pretending she is not huge compared to her friend. maybe if she didn't eat twice as much as her friend she wouldn't have to pretend. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i keep forgetting to answer this question. i get my thinspo through google images. i find a good thinspo xanga&pick a few pictures from one of their posts from like a year ago. oldies but goodies.

12:57pm

my sister will be here to take me to colorado in just 12 days. i'm huge. i'm frustrated. i'm sober. i'm tired. i'm stupid. it's going to be a long day for me.

thinspo:

or:

legs, legs, legs. to be fair, the 3rd picture needs to be cropped to lose the girl on the left. anyways, the reverse is the same as always. chances are those girls are that size naturally. we aren't. that's fine. just means we have to work harder at it&we will. at least i will. you will too, right?? stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

8:49pm

oops. didn't mean to disappear on you guys. my (alcoholic) sister came into town to visit so i was with my family all weekend. it was interesting. friday my sister got a 6pack&2 cans of beer. by friday night she had a can&2 beers left. drunk people are great when i'm drunk too. but when everyone else is just chillin it's not cool for one person to be stumbling around. &who got stuck babysitting her? yes, the youngest person there. i didn't appreciate it. functioning alcoholics aren't even entertaining. they're just loud&repetitive. she's also the most affectionate&emotional out of the 5 kids in my family&even more so when she drinks. so lots of hugs& "are you okay?'s"&crying over whatever. but saturday was fun. hung out with my awesome niece&went swimming. sunday was fine. hung out with the alcoholic (don't get me wrong, i love her plenty, she just annoys the hell out of me)&then we went to my oldest sister's husband's family farm for food&fireworks. yes, food. cause you can't hang out without eating, right? ugh. i had salad, 1 piece of brisket, watermelon, &sorbet. not great but i stuck to tiny portions. &nobody noticed cause i helped chase around all the little kids. maybe i burned off the calories? doesn't really matter cause i did 150 crunches before bed just to make sure. today i've had half a cliff bar (120) &sugar snap peas&a salad. salsa&a few chips, too, around 500 total today. boo. enough rambling, i suppose. well that&i just woke up from a nap so my everything skills suck until further notice.

thinspo:

or:

comparison of legs. yikes.

xoxo

zette

10:00am

good morning, little ladies. morning for me anyway. sugar snap peas&a 0 calorie flavored water. good breakfast. lunch will be very similar. maybe spinach. i think i'm caught up on your blogs but half of you aren't posting. i went through my list&took off the people who haven't posted in 3 months or more who didn't post a reason for the absence. not being harsh, just getting rid of clutter. not much to say today. just thought i'd hop on&post some thinspo.

oh, i painted part of a wall in my room last night. a drab grey color. it's dry now&i think i like it. it's been a year since my mother announced to me that we were moving in with her fuckbuddy. &it's been about 8 months since he got sick of us&moved out. so he took all his stuff&we took up paying all the rent. works for me. he was a nasty old man anyways. he's a photographer. most of his picture are of topless women. apparently that's art. i remember once when i was much younger i was riding my bike in our neighborhood. i some kid smacked into me&i busted my lip. lips bleed alot so i flipped out. ran all the way home but nobody was there so i ran across the street to the fuckbuddy's house. banged on the door. no response, so i went around the house to the fuckbuddy's window&banged on it&yelled for a few minutes until my mother answered the door in a sheet. great parenting. at least my childhood wasn't boring. was there a point to this...oh, i was just going to say i'm finally getting around to decorating my room. cheers for a little summer project. in other news, my sister told me to pack light (easy, i'll just use all her stuff) for colorado. basically i'll bring an empty suitcase&we'll go to all the thrift stores up there. this means i have to lose weight. always, but especially so before i see my sister. or rather before she sees me. yikes. i'm going to need you guys for real.

thinspo:

 or:

 the girl on the right is average, or "thinish". but next to her chubster friend, she looks pretty good. so you can either show some discipline&fight the fat away, or propose to never be near a thin person again. stay strong, lovelies. alot of you are doing well&i'm so so so proud of you.

xoxo

zette