9:13am

girls with eating disorders are sometimes extremely thin. i am in neither of those categories. so my dream last night sucked. my friend told a youth pastor who told my parents (why was my dad there?) that because of my weight i needed to go somewhere for inpatient treatment. so, okay, i'm thinking fat camp. but it was a rehab. they dragged me into a room to sit alone for a few hours. so naturally, i slapped&kicked the door screaming, "i'm not even skinny" to nobody.

then they came in&forced me to eat. not normal food, like cereal or egg whites or celery or spinach. but a big greasy fast-food burger complete with drippy fries&a milkshake, which wasn't melting because the place was so goddamn cold. i was pissed. they kept telling me i needed to put on some weight before i could see the other patients.

some loony came in to "evaluate" me. to every question asked i would answer, "why am i here? i'm not even skinny." after a while they left me alone, until the next meal, which was the same. then the next. then i woke up. i was relieved to find that my stomach is still flat, sinking in a little when i'm lying down. my fingers are still cold, my rings still fall off them. i stood up to go check myself out in the mirror&all i could say was, "i'm not even skinny." disappointing morning. but i won't have to eat today. only two days of fasting total but i'll take it.

or:

skinny vs. average. whose side are you on? stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. edit on the fast, i'm going to have a v8 so my total will be 70cals.

p.p.s. to claire, i want to be a marine biologist. if i'm too stupid for that, my backup plan is to be a trucker.