11:57am

didn't sleep very well last night. then got up at 5:30 to stretch&run. run seems a bit extreme. i only went 2 miles or so. then came back home&crashed, thus the morning post at noon. i was just thinking about how much i dislike silence when the cicadas started up. when i was a kid my sisters&i would go out at night with flashlights&pick them off trees, cause they'd be in their shells. then we'd take them home&set them somewhere&watch them crack their shells&dry their wings. the next morning their wings would be dry&we'd let them go. when it would storm we would sit on either the front or back porch, depending on which way the wind was blowing. those were good nights. we'd all have a blanket&talk about whatever. i do have a pretty great family. at least i have good siblings. my parents weren't raised very well so they didn't raise us well either. so they're sort of irrelevant. what started that? oh, my hatred for silence&the cicada cure. okay, trip down memory lane over. 

my sister will be here friday evening. that's 2 days of restricting&workouts that i thought i had&don't now. i've already lost a little, but i need to lose more. but with only 2 days..suuuure. that'll happen. okay, so i'm a little frustrated. no worries. i have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow mornings&then i babysit my niece at 1. the rest of the day will be filled with painting&laundry&all that fun stuff. i swear i had something to say when i logged into blogger. oops.

thinspo:

or:

well....again....at least the correct girl is in stripes. stripes are great when they cover something that fits well. otherwise they stretch apart&it looks like fat is trying to escape out of prison.

xoxo

zette

8:49am

okay, this is as close to a pep talk as i'll ever give. i'm only being nice cause so so so many of us are struggling right now&that kinda bums me out. anyways, a little venting first. oh sure, "big boned". bones don't jiggle, dumbass. fat people are not fun to look at most of the time. it's bad enough when they know they're fat&hate it, or even know it&accept that they're unhealthy&love their bodies anyways. but when somebody is obviously overweight&they make excuses for it? ew. at least we see room for improvement&are doing something about it. maybe we're a little extreme but most changes won't kick off with a whisper. anyhow, kudos to you for being proactive. also, i leave for colorado in 5 days.i'm really excited but also nervous...what if my sister lost more weight than i did? i doubt it, she's not that self conscious&she's pretty healthy, but what if i still look huge in comparison? fuck. maybe i'll find something that i'm not obsessive about&give my brain a chance to focus on something that doesn't matter. maybe.

&to those of you who are down, add something new to your plan. something new to focus on usually helps get me going. personally, two of my rules are 1) never ever ever get seconds, &2) never ever ever finish a whole serving. that goes for everything. you don't have to follow those. just examples. another thing that helps (if you're on the computer alot or always carry your phone) is to change your background image to our favorite thinspo. just for the day, or as long as you can get away with it. looking at someone smaller than i am always makes me just a little less hungry. besides that, you know the rest of the tips. hang in there. here are people who are skinny&happy.

thinspo:

or:

well some people are small&some people are....not. let's be small. we've chosen this already so let's keep it up. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. let yourself laugh today. charr sent me this yesterday&it made my day. oh chubsters...

1:45pm

hi kids. alot of you seem down. or frustrated. or something. cheer up, ladies. i know motivation comes in waves sometimes&that's a bummer but it'll be back. just do your best.

thinspo:

or:

okay so none of them are huge. but i like best the one on the left. excuse the dr. seussical rhyming. anyways, i've had 300 calories today&it's not even 2 yet. oops. water water water until dinner, which will have something to do with eggplant. stay strong, lovelies. i leave in 6 days. i'll miss you so pretty please email me.

xoxo

zette

p.s. your comments made me laugh yesterday. mental "or" category. iloveit.

4:03pm

well....nothing new. 7 days til i go to colorado. i don't think i'll post there (it'd suck if i got caught) but i'll be emailing. ilovezette@yahoo.com if you have anything at all to say.

thinspo:

 or:

oh boy. at least the thinny is the one wearing stripes&not mcfatty. some fat girls do that&it hurts my eyes.

xoxo

zette

8:04pm

so i've logged on like 10 times today&had nothing to say. so here's the 11th. i'll just spill. alrighty, so today at chikfila (not gonna lie, best fast food ever when allowed) had an event. dress up like a cow, get free food. so my oldest sister took me&my niece to get some lunch. it was fun. she was all dressed up&i put black eyeshadow on both our noses. we ate our food&then my sister&i played a word game while my niece made friends. it was fun. unfortunately, that took me over my calorie limit. so i'm going running tonight, pretty soon. it's raining, but i like running in the rain. also, my skinny sister (9 more days) left her epilator here. since pain has always been a release for me in a sort of morbid way, i've been using it. it hurts like fuck. but my legs will be smoothe. &it helps me calm down when i get stressed. noisy little thing though....anyways..thanks for all the comments, kids. you make me smile.

thinspo:

or:

i always try to post real girl thinspo but i couldn't help myself. you can have your cake&eat it too but you'll be huge huge huge. ohh forgot to tell you about my dream last night?? it was weird. but basically it was me&a few other girls&thinspo had become illegal, so we were smuggling&selling it. oh boy. cheers for thinspo being so readily available when my mind wanders. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. to you email people, thanks for being as hard on me as i am on you.

9:26am

i feel like i'm moving in slow motion. i keep typing things backwards&walking to the other side of the house for...something? oh well. good morning, ladies&madzaq. blueberry morning, that is. a tiny tiny tiny serving of this blueberry cereal for breakfast. by tiny i mean a serving is 1 1/4 cup (huge, yes?) &i'm having 1/4 cup. go me. i think. also i can't find my midol&since it's that lovely time of the month i'm cramping. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. it's a do month. awesome. nothing planned for the day. going to do some more algebra&maybe a load of laundry. oh, &finish this episode of pretty little liars. cause whatsherface has tiny arms&i like that. i want to have smaller arms. but that will happen as i do things like have 1/5 serving of cereal. i hope i can find something to make me feel better. i need to do double workouts again. my sister will be here in 10 days in all her 5'5" skinny glory. i love her but she makes me feel like a whale. bigger than a whale. like...i don't know, an island? i'm an island&she's just a tiny little person. i'll never forgive myself for letting her have smaller legs than i have. but i will have smaller legs than hers one day. this fat won't stay forever.i really wish i had more energy though..

thinspo:

or:

&here we see a fatty in her natural habitat, pretending she is not huge compared to her friend. maybe if she didn't eat twice as much as her friend she wouldn't have to pretend. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i keep forgetting to answer this question. i get my thinspo through google images. i find a good thinspo xanga&pick a few pictures from one of their posts from like a year ago. oldies but goodies.

12:57pm

my sister will be here to take me to colorado in just 12 days. i'm huge. i'm frustrated. i'm sober. i'm tired. i'm stupid. it's going to be a long day for me.

thinspo:

or:

legs, legs, legs. to be fair, the 3rd picture needs to be cropped to lose the girl on the left. anyways, the reverse is the same as always. chances are those girls are that size naturally. we aren't. that's fine. just means we have to work harder at it&we will. at least i will. you will too, right?? stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette