12:39pm

spent the morning going in stores to ask "hi, are you hiring? or taking applications?" then they'd answer&regardless of their answer i'd smile&say "okay, thank you so much, have a great day". i hit my knee on my sister's car door&limped around for ten minutes or so. it still hurts. i'll let you know what color the bruise is. anyway, petco&ross&dots fashions are hiring. i'm fine with working at any of them. i just won't work at a restaurant. i don't want to work around food. at one clothing store i went in to ask, the store manager told me they're not hiring but she gave me an application&asked about my availability. so...maybe? anyway, i'll spend my afternoon at starbucks doing homework&filling out job applications. cheers.

thinspo:

or:

what have we said about matching? only if you look the best in it. the girl on the left is darling. the girl on the right is average but on her way to the middle girl's category: fat. stay strong today, lovelies. you don't have to be big.

xoxo

zette

p.s. yes, i clean the cuts on the bottom of my feet every day&i never go barefoot. also, stop emailing me please why i need to take care of myself. i'm fine. i'm still relatively healthy, there's no reason to worry about me.

10:30am

i've got to keep my ass out of bed after running. i tend to get up at 5:20am, stretch, run&get back home by 6:30am, then go back to bed&sleep. it makes me feel lazy. also, ran across this quote today&i like it quite a bit.

"I have enough things on my plate today so I don't have to worry about food not being on it." - Thinspodiary

i'll just have to keep myself busy enough that my stomach growling is drowned out. anyway, i'm looking at places around town to work at because tomorrow morning my older sister is taking me to grab applications at a few places. i really don't want to. at all. i want to be lazy&alone. but i should grow up. so i will.

intake yesterday was 95 until my mother&i went to target to get cotton balls&shampoo. then afterward she was 'starving' (the quotation marks because she weighs about 250lbs) so we went to a mexican restaurant. i got spinach quesadillas. took my time nibbling, &even put two of the pieces in the napkin in my lap. that way when i got up, i could slip it into my hoodie pocket to trash in the bathroom before i purged.

the best things ever to keep in your purse are wisps. the little on-the-go toothbrushes. a brush on one side with something minty in the middle, &a pick on the other side which is good for braces. good for after eating&great for after purging. i suggest you go get some. i buy them at dollar tree. i'm rambling again. oops.

thinspo:

or:

she's so tall&thin in tan. the other girl is so...blah. looks like her date didn't even dress up for her, really. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'm a hypocrite for putting that as my last p.s., i'm disappointed in myself. my new red flats have dark red blotches on the inside. i wouldn't have started cutting if i'd known it would still be this addicting 5 years later. on a more cheery note, i took photos of surprise doing what she does best. it was cold, thus the shirt. but she's the best running buddy i could ask for.

11:32am

"perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." -antoine de saint-exupéry

 

carrot juice for breakfast-70, which technically leaves me 530 for the rest of the day. but i'll be seeing my friend tomorrow that i haven't seen in a month or so, so i'm nervous. going running tonight for sure. it'll be late though, so it might only be an hour or so. but i'll take it. i'm just happy to be feeling better. i have a headache, but i took ibuprofen so maybe it'll go away soon. i'm about to take surprise to the park. i close the gate to the baseball diamond&let her run around as fast as she can. little creature is pretty fast. this is surprise, in case you're confused.

she's an italian greyhound, which is like a miniature greyhound. some people think she looks like a rat. i disagree. whatever. on to the good stuff.

thinspo:

or:

the skinny is the blonde in the black dress, hiding a bit behind the whale in the leopard print dress. animal print rarely looks good. be careful with it. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. if you're someone who cuts, don't do it today. if you're someone who doesn't, don't ever, ever start.

11:57am

so...news...finally feeling better, tangerine for breakfast, my kitten spinny just crawled in my window, i got rawhide sticks yesterday&surprise loves them. lexi that's totally creepy but it made me laugh so thanks for that. you're all darling for telling me my sick face is pretty. &for a piece of honesty, i'm nervous because the more weight i lose the more my super high cheekbones stick out&i don't like them anymore. i did for a little while. ugh. what is it in me that requires me to hate myself? oh well.

also, i guess i was forgiven for slacking off because i'm down one pound. not taking it for granted though. i'm going running as soon as my mother leaves for work. cheers for running. i almost always run in the black pants i got with my sister at target. i got small&she got medium. i didn't notice til we got home. we have the same length legs so maybe she's finally getting a butt. she's always been so flat. &i've always been so jealous. anyway, on to the good stuff.

thinspo:

or:

we've all done this once or twice, don't lie. okay on first glance, the girl on the left looks thinnish. but look at that thigh. big thighs, small calves. the girl in the buggy (or cart, or whatever you happen to call it) is tiny. she's perfect. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. it's about 30 degrees here&it's sunny. no excuse to skip running. anyone else run outside or are you all treadmill dwellers?

4:38pm

woke up a few minutes before noon today. ughh. my head is hot, my body is cold. but no fever, i checked. my head is heavy&aching which just adds to my dizziness. &my mother just shouted from the back door reminding me to be productive while she's gone. fuck my life. i haven't weighed myself today. i just got up to update&post thinspo&then i'm going back to bed. screw being productive, i've done 300 crunches&i'm going running tonight&that's all. may the ana gods forgive me for being a slacker.

thinspo:

or:

okay obviously the skinny is on the left today. the girl on the right is in the group i call "average". she's not unhealthily overweight. but she's not half as darling as her friend. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. this is my best friend today. i've been drinking tons of juice. i have makeup on because i had to run some errands but the dark circles under my eyes are relentless.

10:13am

wtf? monday i woke up feeling like i got hit by a car. tuesday i woke up feeling a bit better. then i wake up today feeling like a hit&run victim again? oh, &my mother is super considerate. she came in my room to let me know she's leaving for the day. cool. i sat up&told her i feel like crap. so she leaves a package of decongestants or whatever. cool. then she picks up my violin, tightens it, &starts screeching out notes. if you've heard someone try to violin when they can't, you're prolly already cringing. so i told her verbatim "my head hurts. please stop playing that." so she gave me a dirty look, shut my door halfway, &continued. whatever is giving me this headache didn't appreciate it. long story short, i feel like shit&apparently refuse today to be grateful for the things i have. ugh. whatever.

oh, except i'm way happy that i have you little misses. when i have a good day you cheer me on&when i have a bad day you shove in my face all the positive things&tell me it'll be okay. sometimes you even throw back my own advice, like "don't beat yourself up about it" or "the thing about gaining weight is that you can always lose it again". thanks for everything. 

ew that sounds like a goodbye speech. swear i'm not leaving. so, on to the important stuff.

thinspo:

or:

awwh, blonde best friends with build-a-bears. how cute. look how little the girl on the right is. now look at her friend. not as little. thin vs. average strikes again. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. since i'm home alone all day, i'll hop back on&leave comments when i'm feeling less dizzy.

12:51pm

putting makeup on. going to leave around 3 to sit at starbucks for a few hours doing homework, then hanging out with friends. hoping my voice sounds normal by then. i'm wishing these dark circles under my eyes away too but they're stubborn. i've slept about 30 of the past 48 hours but i'm tired anyway. fortunately the sun is out today for the first time in a while so i'm feeling a little better inside&out. to those of you who emailed&commented about how amazing i look in that picture, aww pretty little liars. you're sweet. &if you need someone to look up to, i can recommend other bloggers who are doing much better than i am. but you can always stop by for the good stuff like...

thinspo:

or:

cute little sports fans. except for the whale, who has side boobs between her arm&shirt. gross. stay strong today, lovelies. 

xoxo

zette

p.s. yes i know it's rude to go out&spread my germs but it's sunny&i refuse to sit at home&pout. also, does anyone else like fishing? i really want to go fishing but none of my friends are into it. boohoo.