9:51am

so......it snowed here again. only a wet inch or so. last time i woke up to my little town under 5 inches. which is a lot, for this far south. we are not used to it. which means we suck at driving in it. well i don't, because i got lessons in colorado, but my mother does. we're going to the store anyway though. i'm babbling. lovely.

but i was wondering if you guys hate it as much as i do when people worry about you. i want to say, "i'm not underweight. when i'm underweight, come find me&shove your logic&psychoanalysis down my throat. until then, fuck off." but i don't. i'm getting better at not saying things like that. about keeping this whole piece of my life under wraps. except for you little misses, of course. i'll always spill my guts to you. have you seen the movie 'ramona&beezus'? "i'm going to say a bad word....guts!"

thinspo:

or:

okay, so the skinny needs to work out her arms, but besides that she looks fantastic. i love this photo. they're even in the same post. gross. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. have you ever gained weight in preparation for seeing someone in particular? i have. it's terrible. but she was worried. i want her to leave me alone. (she said i looked great, by the way.)

p.p.s. instead, she insisted we talk calories&she gave me the book 'hollow' by jena morrow. if you can ignore the religious bits, it's an okay book so far. as with most books, i don't want to read the recovery part. is that weird?

12:12pm

hi kids. nothing to report, really, so i'll get to the good stuff.

thinspo:

or:

what a lovely skinny friend. oh the comparison they face. upside? doing cartwheels burned some calories for her. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. why bitch about my thinspo? shut up&go find thinspo you like.

9:13am

good morning. the high is 50degrees tomorrow. we had snow a couple days ago. probably getting snow again. bipolar weather in this state for sure. anyway, i'm feeling okay today inside&out. v8 for breakfast again. i was going to paint my nails last night but i've got to finish painting my ceiling today so i just did my toes. silver, super shiny. like minnows. it's a good color. i don't know what i'll do for lunch. we have some frozen peas veggies so probably those. that way i can stay around 300 because i'm not sure what my mother is planning for dinner. funny how thoughts always come back to food in one way or another.

thinspo:

or:

 ohboy. skinny vs. average. also, this picture makes me wish i had a tan.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'm wearing two pairs of leggings, sweat pants, a long-sleeve shirt, a hoodie, a robe, &i'm freezing. anyone else have trouble being productive when you're cold?

5:07pm

nothing new. shoulder hurts like a motherfucker. fell in love with v8 all over again. taking a long hot shower&painting my nails later. then plucking my eyebrows to death. then trimming my hair. just a little tender loving care for the body i hate.

or:

mirror pictures are the lamest thing ever. but the girl on the left has tiny legs. kudos to her. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. thought you might get a kick out of this photo. it's old, from october 2009. me&my sister V. thank god i'm not quite that big anymore. i don't know why i was making that face.

1:02pm

currently sitting in my bedroom quietly while the piano tuner is here. just took surprise out for a walk. she's good about keeping her boots on now. i'm maintaining my weight, which is okay with me for now. at the moment i've got a can of v8&some pretzels in front of me.

the first day of snow, i went out to the park. i was the first one out so i had to find the walks under the snow. an adventure for sure. when i got to the park i clicked away, trying to get a couple of good photographs. then i went on the higher side, missed the sidewalk, &fell. my shoulder hurts. it felt okay when i put the hot jet on it in the shower this morning but now it's sore again. blah. no weights, jumping jacks, or pushups for a couple days.

nothing else is going on. i've been reading&drinking tea&thinking lately. kind of ignoring the social life i kind of have. sorry to neglect the blog. figured i should update&post some skinny photos.

thinspo:

or:

school uniforms. cute. fat legs on the left. not cute. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. 1) it took me almost twenty minutes to pick my thinspo, 2) the words 'cute' & 'sure' are pretty close on the keyboard.

5:07pm

still no job, or hope of one. blah. also, i jokingly suggested for someone to be my valentine but he doesn't know me very well so he agreed. oops. maybe time to reign in the sarcasm. but i'm losing weight. down 3 pounds this week. it doesn't seem like much at all. but then i look at something like a bag of sugar&it sure seems like a lot. hmm. anyway, happy to be losing. it's going slow. i'm home alone a lot with lots of food&not much motivation to exercise. i still do my daily workout, of course, but i've been sleepy since monday.

i want the ice to melt away, but we're supposed to get snow tonight&tomorrow. we rarely get wintry weather. this part of the country isn't prepared for it. the roads are bad&the drivers are worse. but no worries. i can cuddle with surprise, nothing on my mind but peppermint tea&a good book. at least, i wish.

but depression seems to drag out all my dreary thoughts. the only art i've done lately was to sketch a bony arm with a pool of blood around it. not a skinny arm, but literally bones. &i wrote a sad sort of lullaby piano piece. i like it. but it is sad. why am i so sad?

thinspo:

or:

a bit of sun for you. who knew they made bikinis that size? stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i know i'm a sissy for complaining about the weather, but you little northerners would never survive a summer here. they suck.

9:29am

okay, i woke up to my mother making phone calls right by the couch where i've been sleeping. really? she couldn't even try to be quiet? today they're cycling the power on&off to keep it from going out completely. lovely. so most of the time i have electricity, but the rest of the time i'm wondering how people survived before it because it's too damn quiet. so obviously i woke up grumpy. but then the power came back on, so i turned the computer on, opened my email, &found the sweetest, most random email from mia. thanks, little miss. that really did make me smile.

thinspo:

or:

the outfits don't even have to completely match for comparing to be easy. the funny part is that the girl on the right is what people now call 'curvy'. people tell me i'm curvy. i hate that. stay strong today, lovely.

xoxo

zette

p.s. sorry i haven't posted. depression has made me sleepy&useless. yesterday was my nephew's birthday. he would have been 2 years old. i miss him.