10:31am

"alright. you?" a simple little answer with no feeling for a simple little question with no feeling. couldn't you come up with something better than "hey zette how are you? are you a senior this year?". oh well. humans will be humans. i say this as if i'm not thrown in with the rest of people to tumble into my own stereotypical pocket.

i woke up around 8:30 when my mother left for work. she'll be working allll day so it's just me&the pets. luckily grocery shopping has been postponed so basically all i have to eat is chicken&lentil soup &a few tomatoes. today is going to be a good day. went to the harbor last night along with tons of other people. wore my short shorts cause i can&wondered how much i'd have to not eat to have legs as small as someone else. hung out with a friend&had an interesting chat. she's an odd person. brutally honest&says most things with a smile. like me, except my smile only reaches my eyes on occasion, all other times my big fat lips curve up but nothing else indicates any happiness. especially true as of late. what's with my wording today? i dunno either. but anyhow, sorry i disappeared for a short bit. i've been up to absolutely nothing. just sitting here at home mostly. but mentally i cannot calm down. i read at night so i can go to sleep. my mother doesn't appreciate this as i have taken to leaving the light on. i tell her it's because i fall asleep reading. but really i just like to be able to see around me when i wake up from a nightmare. nightmare...an odd word. i picture a little black pony. then i remember what happens in my dreams&i picture lots of bodies of people i absolutely adore. little black pony gone. oh boy, zette, cheer up.

D told me last night she sent pictures of me to her friend who does photography cause i'm "so photogenic". so maybe one of these days i'll find myself at the park with miss AR&a camera. D should have told her the whole truth. "also, she a few zits. &braces that make her lips look even fatter then normal. &she's got lots of fat to keep her company when her nasty attitude chases people away." doubtful that i'll ever even meet AR for a shoot but if i do, i feel the need to apologize to her in advance. i feel that way often though, about alot of people. there are lots of little things i say that i will prolly never apologize for. so maybe it's better to apologize for my existence as a whole. i suppose it wouldn't make a difference anyways since i've made no plans to point out truths that people were trying to avoid. me&my big fat mouth lose alot of friends. but some of them stay&that's a very good thing. cause when i'm lonely i tend to go into self-destruct mode just to see what happens. yikes, this is long.

thinspo:

or:

just a little harmless comparison. since alot of you are struggling with purging i'll remind you: mia is addicting but ana is rewarding. ana will get you where you want to go. mia can only stop you from going backwards. hang in there, little ladies. &thanks for all the support. i've needed it for sure.

xoxo

zette

p.s. today my ribcage is showing itself again but i feel like even my ribs are fat. anybody else?