sometimes i pretend i don't need people. that way, when they get to know me better&run screaming in the other direction, it doesn't hurt. cause i seem to have misplaced my heart. yes, i've got something in there ordering my blood around, but besides that the damn thing has run out on me. i treat people really terribly most of the time. i walk around most places with a fake but entirely convincing confidence about me that other people wouldn't dare test. i make stupid remarks. to "you look familiar. do i know you from somewhere?" i would typically reply "in your dreams, i'm sure" or "you're not that lucky". fake confidence is just as much a lie as telling someone you already ate. though sometimes it's the truth, &the trust scares people. trust me. take a conversation that happened a couple days ago. "hey zette are you going out to eat with us?" "no thanks, i ate yesterday." "what do you mean??" "oh whoops, guess i'm using my niece's version of time. you know, when last year means yesterday. i meant i ate before i came. next time, though." mm yes lying is convenient. like when i tell people i'm fine simply because i don't want to speak to them about why i'm not. oh brother. i'm insane. none of you should look up to me, really. i've got okay grammar but besides that i'm a fuckup. if you knew me in person, you wouldn't like me much at all. just saying.
a certain boy..we'll call him chris..won't stop texting me. how do i know him? i don't. my friend told me to add him on facebook. i did. he blew up facebook chat&hasn't stopped talking since. he got my number off facebook&texts me more than fishies swim. so why did my friend set us up? well, cause she's engaged to another guy, who is in boot camp for the army, &she has a big mutherfucking crush on chris. so to make herself feel better, she thought she'd set him up with me so that she wouldn't have that temptation. too bad for her, though, cause he bugs the hell out of me&i'm not looking to day anyway. not till i'm thin, at least. my friend isn't a very good friend. well she is in person. it's great fun hanging out with her. but she only hung out with me when all her other friends were out of down. sucks to be someone's last resort. i'm a little upset. more than a little. for multiple reasons. i'm going to get a 1/2 cup of corn flakes, finish my book, &go running in the rain. sorry for the long post. just had that much to say today, i suppose.
or:
you can be tiny, or you can be...not tiny. it's your choice, little miss. if you're going to get matching outfits, at least get one that you look good in. stay strong, lovelies.
xoxo
zette
p.s. apologies for the whining, i'm just frustrated. major kudos to you if you read the whole damn thing.
I eat cornflakes, too. Best diet cereal everrrrr
ReplyDelete<3
pfft - I fucking love fake confidence, what do you think has sustained me to the ripe ol' age of 26?
ReplyDeleteI ate 'last morning', 'cause that's my kids' version of time - I think you should use it next chance you get.
& let me be mean for a moment about your 'or' pic....holy hell, it's like an ogre hanging out with a woodland nymph - fucking insane....mkay, thanks ;)
LOL @Kelly... =]
ReplyDeleteI love fake confidence. I'm so shy, but I've had multiple people tell me I'm not. Who rocks? I do! And you do, too hun! =]
There's no reason to feel fake about confidence!
ReplyDeleteI think inside we're all confident deep down, that's why won't give up - and I know you won't either. Might as well get people used to you now, because you'll be bursting with confidence when you reach your ideal - and you will. We all will! Just don't start tricking yourself into thinking the confidence is fake, because then its like being guilty of borrowing something that's not ours. But it isss. You'll see.
xo Pixie
I can relate to what you're saying. Though as much as I try to pretend I can't really not need them. I guess that's why I get hurt so much.
ReplyDeleteTake care <3
that last picture was a little unfortunate... actually a lot unfortunate! Thats a little odd about your friend. looooooooveeeeezzzzzzz youuuuuuuu
ReplyDelete<3 the crackhead
i do that fake confidence all the time to! i act so confident in a bar, many guys try to approach me and then after they think they have a chance i drop the boyfrien bomb and walk away laughing. i dunno why but i feel so powerful when that happens. i also fake the "im so tough" confidence and pick fights, and many girls are terrified of me because of some of the beatings ive laid on girls. but i am the most unconfident person ever! why are we like this lol!
ReplyDeleteokay so ive got a few things haha.
ReplyDeleteone, about the fake confidence.. i think thats a common denominator in most of our lives, which is sad. we know how you feel, and it doesnt feel good. i put on the nicest, preppiest fake smiles ever. only i dont feel liek smiling at all.
two, i think i would like you in real life. i know what youre going through, your sense of humour is hilarious, and i think you'd be really fun. AND we could distract each other from eating. so dont tell us not to look up to you, because youre a fabulous example of a strong, smart girl.
and three.. why must your font be SO small? haha i feel half blind reading it.
that is all :) sorry for the eassay of a comment, feel better soon!
We don't look up to you because your a great amazing person who loves the world sweetie, we look up to you because you care. Because you genuinly care, and despite everything you hold your head up and go on. You're my hero lovie, I hope one day you realize just how much we all care about you <3 stay strong sweetie
ReplyDeletewe are all here
Fake confidence, your on to something there. I use it all the time, to 'attempt' to make me feel better about myself. I am this massive fake in the outside world. I think it keeps me going slightly.
ReplyDeleteI think I would like you if we met. You tell it how it is. And I appreciate that. And you seem so fucking focused. Plus you like real girl thinspo/reverse thinspo... we could spend hours dissecting that topic lol.
sooooo... if ur ever in australia haha