9:08pm

so yesterday sucked. went to pacsun for jeans&tried on a few pair that were a bit small. so my sister brought me a size up in black. yay, fat pants...then she bought the ones that didn't fit me for herself. fuckfuckfuck. i will be as small a she is someday dammit.

good part of the day was lunch. i skipped breakfast, cause i had school. so after shopping, lunchtime came&my sister wanted fast food of course. but after buying a pair of jeans in a huge size, i obviously wasn't hungry. so i told her i was cramping. score, she bought it&i got a smoothie for lunch instead. skipped dinner, too. today all i've had is part of a smoothie&a tall iced passion tea from starbucks.

today has been alright. i bought a fish. &my ana buddy rocks face. i'm glad i picked her.

p.s. i have decided that the fluctuation of the denim universe (ie different brands,=different sizes) does not excuse being a big size.

xoxo

zette

8:20pm

shitty day.

thinspo:

 

or:

 

ew.

xoxo

zette

11:48pm

valentines day was fine. i'm fine with being single. it'd be torture to make someone date me. no, really, i'm not a nice person. i love a select few people&the rest only sort of matter.

oh&my ana buddy is awesome (yes, i only picked one). just thought i'd throw that in there.

i'll post thinspo tomorrow. pinky promise.

p.s. i swear these jeans are looser than they used to be. hellz yeah.

xoxo

zette

4:54pm

i've eaten SO much today. i feel disgusting. i swear i already look fatter.

fuck!!

xoxo

zette

10:43pm

i'm gonna do as many pushups as i can&then go to bed.

thinspo for your dreams:

(she looks like a little kid but she's 16. not fair)

orrr:

hmm...must suck to be the biggest. come on lovelies, stick with it. stay strong&don't let anyone tell you that you can't have what you want.

sweet dreams.

xoxo

zette

12:56pm

"I am going to lunch I will chat with you later!"

of course she's going to lunch. cause that's what normal people do. normal people who get healthy&stay healthy.

but i don't want to be normal. i want to be thin, &i will be. eventually. slowly but surely. a certain someone offered to be my ana buddy. so we emailed for a while. then she got mad cause i lost more weight than she did. so she doesn't talk to me anymore. ugh. jealousy doesn't fix anything. i'd love to be 5'9" 108 like my old friend annabelle. but chances are i won't be getting any taller. so i told her how good she looks&kept my jealousy to myself. that's how you do it. kapeesh? golly girls are dramatic sometimes.

anyways, water for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, &water for dinner. i love being empty. 

chin up, lovelies. stay strong. you'll reach your goal weight. just don't give up.

p.s. i wonder why i never use exclamation points..? guess i'm just mellow.

xoxo

zette

7:29am

school is closed due to beautiful weather. i'm glad i live somewhere where snow stops time.

prolly stuck at home all day. maybe i'll put those 45's up on the wall&paint my bulletin board. maybe. maybe i'll find out where a snowball fight is taking place&join in.

what will prolly happen is this: i'll drink enough water to make my stomach quit growling. then i'll watch tv with V until she goes to work. then i'll hole up in my room&finish the jigsaw puzzle we started. then i'll practice piano, write some new lyrics, throw them away, &go to bed.

add "play in the snow" somewhere in there.

thinspo for your friday:

or:

 

hmm..i wonder who is the fattest of them all?

don't kid yourself. it's not hard to tell. 10 pounds or 100, fat is ugly ugly ugly. if you didn't agree with me you wouldn't be reading this right now, right? so think thin, running on empty is great. nothing weighs you down. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette