8:19pm

fuck you&your recovery. i know that's awful but i don't want to hear about it. i suppose i should clarify. a certain someone told a certain someone that a certain someone noticed i don't eat much&that my jeans 'look looser'. first of all, creeper for noticing that my jeans don't fit. second, it's none of your fucking business. just because you think i have a problem you used to have doesn't mean i'm thrilled to hear about how you fixed it.

&for the record, this isn't a problem. it's a solution. fuck the world. what's it matter if a fatass is jealous?

also, bummed that my sister is moving out. i won't miss her tiny body fitting into things i can't, but i will miss all the stupid stuff she says. &feeding the ducks at the marina. haha. wish she didn't have to move so far away. lame.

okay, ranting over. 

for those asking in emails, my plan is the same as usual. fast when i can, purge when i can't. simple. but not always easy.

thinspo for you pretty things:

 

or:

 

ew. that's one for nightmares.

stay strong, lovelies. you can do this.

xoxo

zette

9:08pm

so yesterday sucked. went to pacsun for jeans&tried on a few pair that were a bit small. so my sister brought me a size up in black. yay, fat pants...then she bought the ones that didn't fit me for herself. fuckfuckfuck. i will be as small a she is someday dammit.

good part of the day was lunch. i skipped breakfast, cause i had school. so after shopping, lunchtime came&my sister wanted fast food of course. but after buying a pair of jeans in a huge size, i obviously wasn't hungry. so i told her i was cramping. score, she bought it&i got a smoothie for lunch instead. skipped dinner, too. today all i've had is part of a smoothie&a tall iced passion tea from starbucks.

today has been alright. i bought a fish. &my ana buddy rocks face. i'm glad i picked her.

p.s. i have decided that the fluctuation of the denim universe (ie different brands,=different sizes) does not excuse being a big size.

xoxo

zette

8:20pm

shitty day.

thinspo:

 

or:

 

ew.

xoxo

zette

11:48pm

valentines day was fine. i'm fine with being single. it'd be torture to make someone date me. no, really, i'm not a nice person. i love a select few people&the rest only sort of matter.

oh&my ana buddy is awesome (yes, i only picked one). just thought i'd throw that in there.

i'll post thinspo tomorrow. pinky promise.

p.s. i swear these jeans are looser than they used to be. hellz yeah.

xoxo

zette

4:54pm

i've eaten SO much today. i feel disgusting. i swear i already look fatter.

fuck!!

xoxo

zette

10:43pm

i'm gonna do as many pushups as i can&then go to bed.

thinspo for your dreams:

(she looks like a little kid but she's 16. not fair)

orrr:

hmm...must suck to be the biggest. come on lovelies, stick with it. stay strong&don't let anyone tell you that you can't have what you want.

sweet dreams.

xoxo

zette

12:56pm

"I am going to lunch I will chat with you later!"

of course she's going to lunch. cause that's what normal people do. normal people who get healthy&stay healthy.

but i don't want to be normal. i want to be thin, &i will be. eventually. slowly but surely. a certain someone offered to be my ana buddy. so we emailed for a while. then she got mad cause i lost more weight than she did. so she doesn't talk to me anymore. ugh. jealousy doesn't fix anything. i'd love to be 5'9" 108 like my old friend annabelle. but chances are i won't be getting any taller. so i told her how good she looks&kept my jealousy to myself. that's how you do it. kapeesh? golly girls are dramatic sometimes.

anyways, water for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, &water for dinner. i love being empty. 

chin up, lovelies. stay strong. you'll reach your goal weight. just don't give up.

p.s. i wonder why i never use exclamation points..? guess i'm just mellow.

xoxo

zette