9:12am

i keep getting on here&opening a post&then signing out. i don't have a single thing to say. i read recent blogs&left zero comments. boo for mysterious silence. ohh but i did get all your comments, &they made me smile like they always do. you guys are fantastic.

i went to my friend's lakehouse for the weekend. it was fun. the first night we spent at her old house, just to avoid her parents. we did our nails&watched an old movie. then we drove down to the lake. now she didn't tell me we were going to the lakehouse&staying an extra night so i didn't have a swimsuit. so good ol' walmart was a necessary stop. got a cheap, not so cute snakeskin patterned black&white bikini. didn't look adorable but a bikini is a bikini. she got a bikini top&shorts. cause she's fatter than i am. it's true. just barely, but she's got a belly. which she complains about. then eats half a package of oreos by herself. why do people do that to themselves? i don't have much room to speak. i'm sitting here with a cup of cereal. honey kix. a serving size is 1 1/4 cup. i measured out 1/4 cup. who needs 1 1/4 cups of cereal? sheesh. rambling again....sorry.

thinspo:

or:

small differences to you are huge differences to me. my world is disproportionate. the layer of skin stretched over my ribs looks inches thick to me. my friend with bad stomach fat makes me see myself as bigger, instead of smaller. &the girl on the right in this picture looks like she traded legs with someone from the biggest loser. someone who didn't win. nightmares were bad last night. kaleidoscope murders&loved ones out of reach. taking a nap today after some exercise. stay strong, lovelies. it'll be worth it.

xoxo

zette

nightmares were bad last night. kaleidoscope murders&loved ones out of reach. taking a nap today after some exercise.

10:21am

i wake up around 8. i stare at the ceiling&tell myself today will be fine. an hour later, i roll out of bed to wash my face, brush my teeth, &pour a glass of orange juice. my stomach hurts so i let myself have a spoonful of yogurt, too, even though that is not in the plan. i grab a straw for my juice&sit indian style in front of the computer. i read all the blogs posted while i was sleeping&comment if i have something to say. i go to my dashboard&open a new post. i type what is on my mind, then i find pictures of girls who are thinner than i am. then i sign out&do my morning crunches. the rest of the day is a blur. i might hang out with a friend, i might not. i might go running, it might be too hot. i might wear the dark shorts&i might wear the light ones. i might see my thighs in the mirror&hide them in jeans instead. my life is back to the monotony i appreciate. the boring habits i so carefully formed&control. my life is fine. despite my injured kitten, my drunk sister, my dead nephew, my backstabbing friend, my irrelevant father, my apathetic mother, &my huge thighs, i'm going to be okay.

thinspo:

or:

some people are small&some people are not. luckily for the people who are not, this problem has a solution. i will be small. i can't make myself shorter but i can make my tall frame more bearable. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. have i mentioned how happy i am to be back? cause i am. i missed you girls tremendously.

10:05am

well i took your advice&let myself have some fun with my sister. i think my favorite part of the trip was going to garden of the gods. at the end of the trail there was a sign that said "warning: serious injuries&fatalities have occurred beyond this point. play it safe-stay off the rocks" seriously? is that a dare? so we climbed waaay past it. example:

ignore my huge legs. but it was so fun. one part was tricky. crazy steep with bats living in the wall on our left. another fun part was just driving up the mountain. you know, where there's a rock wall on one side&a dropoff on the other? the greatest. there were parts that weren't great. met up with my brother-in-law's old buddy J. he's an ass. one of those guys who talks about nothing but getting laid, yet so ugly that all you can think about is "what blind old grump would fuck you?" cause of my braces, he named me "ugly betty" &proceeded to call me so for the duration of his stay. i pretended it didn't bother me. i even put on my glasses, said an ugly betty line, &laughed with him. wrong move, apparently, cause then he called me fat. just a couple times a day. but i did wait for everyone to fall asleep&then inspect every inch of my body in front of the mirror in the bathroom. that turned out to be a good thing. motivated me to eat less while i was there. lost 2 pounds&gained 1. boo. &now i'm home. 

i really don't like being home. first of all, it's in the high 90's here. i stepped out of the airport&melted instantly. but surprise was happy to see me. i was walking from the baggage claim when i spotted my mother with my dog on the leash. so i called her&everybody "awww"ed at our little moment. unfortunately, my mother ignored what i said about keeping my kitten indoors at all times&let her outside. she told me she has a "sore" on the back of her neck. by sore she means gash. it was healing but i cleaned it, which made it itch, which made her scratch, which made the scab start peeling. fail. i feel bad for my kitty. if i had any money i'd take her to the vet. instead, i'm going to get ginormosaurus bandaids to cover it. on the bright side, it looks disgusting. totally killed my appetite. i'd post a picture but i don't want those of you with sensitive stomachs to lose your carefully planned breakfast.

but now that i'm home, i can focus on one thing:shrinking. my dramatic friend says i act this way cause i want to disappear. she tends to put meaning into things that don't have any meaning at all. she's just one of those people who could ask "why?" over&over until you say "just because". but in a way she has zero grasp of being sensitive. she's as blunt&stubborn as i am. so she practically jokes about me not eating&i don't tell her but it hurts my feelings big time. boo for insensitive people. fuck. after that wad of rambling, thinspo:

or:

just saying. it's alright to whine about being big. but just be sure to restrict&exercise, too. whining doesn't actually burn many calories. &please don't give me shit for the bony thinspo. i like it. kapeesh? wow, apologies for the bitchy attitude. hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:11pm

make a wish, bitches. zette is back. i miss you all so much&i'm glad some of you bravies emailed me. that helped. i'm going to bed in 5-4-3-2-1 but i'll write a real post in the morning, pink promise.

miss athletic has a knee injury? at least she gets off her ass&does something. screw you, fatties. we're shooting for thin, right? right. so stop eating whatever you're eating&do a couple crunches or something. goodnight, lovelies, stay strong.

xoxo

zette

9:50pm

hey i'm leaving in about 5 hours for colorado. please email me while i'm gone. ilovezette@yahoo.com

i'll be back the evening of the 28th. stay strong, lovelies. oh&today my sister said "she's getting so thin.." success. okay, bedtime. get ready, get zette, go.

xoxo

zette

10:32am

shit. my sister will be here in a few hours. sorry i didn't post last night, met up with some friends at a very crowded harbor&then came home&crashed. &i had a dream last night that i was a hooker. if i ever choose that profession, please stop me. yikes. so...really nervous about seeing my seester. but totally stoked. i miss her tons. even if she is smaller than me, whatever. it's gonna be a blast.

thinspo:

 

 or:

g

smaller wins. always. i'm wondering why there's a measuring tape in this picture? whatever. anyway, i'm gonna do my morning crunches (200) before my sister gets here. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

12:56pm

my orthodontist got married. he's more friendly now. but my mouth hurts like hell. got bananas&juice&some low calorie soup at the store. &applesauce. unsweetened cause it's 50cals whereas the sweetened is 100cals. i've got to babysit soon so i don't have much time but i'll post thinspo later. pinky promise. also, i love love love checking my email&finding comments from new people. cause then i have to to go their profile&check out their blog. you guys are fantastic. stay strong today, lovelies.

the or:

fatty&skinny&average, oh my.

xoxo

zette