10:44am

man, i am waking up super late these days. insomnia please go away. not really insomnia. just scared-shitless-of-nightmares-ia. either way, i'm wasting time. even when i get up at 5:30 to run, i come back&sleep until 10 or so. luckily, i'll be doing all my schooling at home, i think, so i won't have to worry about getting up early come fall. i don't have much to say, so i think i'll answer a few questions i keep getting.

OMG is that You?

i will never ever ever post myself as thinspo. ever. i'm not where i want to be, so why would i want you to be where i am? the only picture of me is the one beside my name. if i find a picture of myself beside someone who is where i want to be, however, that might one day be the reverse thinspo.

What do you weigh now?

i weigh more than 115. does that satisfy you for now?

What do you write in your food diary?

the date, my weight, then everything i ate, &in a column next to it, all the exercises i did. &yes, it does help. i do lose it from time to time though, when i hide it too well.

Do you still get your period?

yes, i still get it. sometimes it's irregular but still there. boo.

What size bra do you wear?

my newest one fits perfectly&it's a 34B.

Where do you lose the most weight? Or do you lose it evenly?

i lose weight around my torso first. so my ribs stick out in front&in back but my leg are huge (at least i think so). i'm terribly disproportionate at the moment. &i have a long torso with short legs so i look very odd. thus the baggy clothes.

What are your measurements?

i haven't measured myself much. but i know my waist is 26".

How many miles do you run?

i'm not sure how far i usually run. i tend to just run until i can't run anymore. then i sit down until i feel better. then i run again. &so on&so forth until i don't think i have anything in me to run again. then i do it again the next day.

Does your hair ever fall out?

no, not exactly. well...i lose alot of hair when i brush it but it doesn't seem to be getting thinner. does that answer your question?

how often do you purge?

more often than i should. a couple times a week. lately i've been doing so more often though, &when i do, i bleed a little. i should prolly take it easy in that area....

thinspo:

or:

god. i swear i don't have anything against blondes. but this is a good opportunity to point out purses. only small girls can carry small purses. if you're overweight&you carry a tiny bag, it'll just make you look bigger. comparisons, comparisons. i love them. i'm off to do my morning crunches&cook an egg. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

10:30pm

night post instead of morning. oopsy. well, today went okay. had an egg white for breakfast, &part of a hot dog for lunch (bad, i know), then salad with light raspberry vinaigrette for dinner. went running today before the sun went down. it was nice. wore me out completely, &wore surprise out too. it was still 90 degrees or so when i ran but it had to be done&comparatively it wasn't bad cause it got up to 104, which is what it was when i went swimming. god i hate it here in the summer. it wouldn't suck so bad if summers here weren't so long. but they last from april to the beginning of september&they're awfully hot. oh well. whining shpeal over.

thinspo:

or:

the blonde has lovely small legs. the other two...well, they could use some help. also notice that the blonde girl has jeans&a sweater on while the others are quite comfortable. hm.....stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. thanks for the tips. i'll be sure to look for melatonin at the herbmart. you ladies are splendid.

12:02pm

last night sucked. i hadn't been asleep very long when i had a really awful nightmare. i woke up shaky&scared so i called my friend. i'm glad she answered. but after i got off the phone, washed my face, &drank a glass of water i was still flipping out. so i stayed up&listened to music for a few hours. crashed again around 6&slept until 10. oh well. yesterday went okay. i did all my workouts. sometimes i slack. i'm going for a long run tonight. i need to work past the pain i get when i run. wish me luck.

thinspo:

 

 or:

alright. well the girl on the left looks fine. &you could argue that the girl on the right isn't fat, just 'big'. but nobody has to have that much covering their bones. it's unnecessary. whatever the hell you're craving right now? unnecessary. leave it where it is&get a glass of water instead. i drink more water with a straw. so if that helps you, buy a package of straws. stay strong, lovelies. don't cover up your beautiful bones just cause your stomach tells you to.

xoxo

zette

p.s. do any of you use meds to get to sleep? if so, what do you recommend?

12:22pm

i'd say good morning but i slept for 11&1/2 hours so it's not morning anymore. still bummed about my waist measurement yesterday. 26" is not what i want it to be. that's a huge number. at least i'm obsessed with exercise though. i'm going to kick my own ass today. it needs to be done. i've been running&doing my usual workouts but they're not enough. so i'm not doubling, just adding 100 of everything except running, cause i don't want to screw up my knee. in other news...there is no other news, really. i painted my wall? i did. not solid grey. i painted a teapot&a stick figure&my name&some other random stuff. i'm no artist but i like it anyway. okay, on to the important stuff before i start rambling again.

thinspo:

or:

all photos today are stolen from my friend's photography albums. cause both those twin girls are skinny, &one of them is even thinner than the other. girl in purple pants? tone it down. it's not good to make people notice you when all they have to notice is messy hair&a whole lot of fat. this is why i myself wear grey so much. &baggy jeans. love me some baggy jeans. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:28am

26" waist. i'm kinda bummed.

thinspo:

or:

i'd invite the big girl just to make everybody else feel skinny. does that make me evil? oh well. bitches will be bitches&i know i'm a bitch. stay strong today, lovelies. stronger than me.

xoxo

zette

9:48am

good morning, ladies. well to start off with, a picture of spinolio herself.

not the best quality picture but in all the other ones, she's asleep. she's nothing fancy but she has the cutest personality. she often jumps up&sits on my shoulder. okay well now you know who i'm talking about when i say 'spinny'. anyways, i think i went over my calories yesterday. &i had a piece of glass stuck in my foot all day. i tried 3 or 4 times to get it out&each time i spent about half an hour on it. tiniest motherfucking piece of glass i've ever encountered. i finally got it out about 11pm. so what did i do? i listened to m.i.a.'s cd&danced. dancing burns calories. i didn't realize this until i did it. my legs are sore. i also put a new curtain up...cause my window faces the street&no soul needs to witness my dance skills.

i didn't get up&run this morning. fail fail failure. dammit. i'll run tonight. or maybe run doubles tomorrow morning. it's too hot to run in the daytime. i'll pass out&that would just be dramatic. bleh. so since i seem to suck at exercising, i'm going back to crazy restricting, just fyi. man i am in love with commas today. also, i was watching the bad girls club (don't watch, it's retarded) &there was a girl on there named morgan. well, she has pretty awesome legs. i'm jealous. i want skinny legs. &i'm so glad i can have them. i like this feeling. i'm excited again to get skinny.

thinspo:

or:

on the right we have: skinny. plain&simple&perfect. &on the right we have: well, not skinny. plain&simple&average. average is no good. average can't wear pretty clothes. she can't even wear ugly clothes. she will not be noticed. let's not be average. let's be perfect. let's wear pretty clothes&feel amazing in them. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as i stepped out of the shower&i wanted to cry. too bad i don't cry anymore.

9:51am

my sister just called me&asked that i look up directions for her on google maps. so i did. then before i could tell her where to go, she told me nevermind&proceeded to tell me about why her lips were swollen the day before. drunk sisters always keep it interesting. turns out she's allergic to wheat, by the way, &she was eating mini wheaties or whatever. in other news, still love love love morning runs. except i always come home&crash afterward....oops. hey i was sitting here looking at my home page or dashboard or whatever&i noticed i have 191 followers. damn. well, hello.

spinny is walking all over the keyboard. i'd knock her off&put her back in her cage but she's been in the cage sooo much to let her neck heal...&she's just super cute. so due to kitten conditions, you get a short post today. i'll just spend my extra time commenting. man am i ADD today or what?

thinspo:

or:

let's not be the fat friend. when i see two girls about this size, all i can think is that chances are, the girl on the left has a long list of excuses why she doesn't exercise. why would you do that to yourself? ew. oh there's my mean side. missed it. i was being all nicey for a bit. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. spinny is now sitting on my shoulder&i'm having a tangerine for breakfast. i'm okay.