11:57am

so...news...finally feeling better, tangerine for breakfast, my kitten spinny just crawled in my window, i got rawhide sticks yesterday&surprise loves them. lexi that's totally creepy but it made me laugh so thanks for that. you're all darling for telling me my sick face is pretty. &for a piece of honesty, i'm nervous because the more weight i lose the more my super high cheekbones stick out&i don't like them anymore. i did for a little while. ugh. what is it in me that requires me to hate myself? oh well.

also, i guess i was forgiven for slacking off because i'm down one pound. not taking it for granted though. i'm going running as soon as my mother leaves for work. cheers for running. i almost always run in the black pants i got with my sister at target. i got small&she got medium. i didn't notice til we got home. we have the same length legs so maybe she's finally getting a butt. she's always been so flat. &i've always been so jealous. anyway, on to the good stuff.

thinspo:

or:

we've all done this once or twice, don't lie. okay on first glance, the girl on the left looks thinnish. but look at that thigh. big thighs, small calves. the girl in the buggy (or cart, or whatever you happen to call it) is tiny. she's perfect. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. it's about 30 degrees here&it's sunny. no excuse to skip running. anyone else run outside or are you all treadmill dwellers?

4:38pm

woke up a few minutes before noon today. ughh. my head is hot, my body is cold. but no fever, i checked. my head is heavy&aching which just adds to my dizziness. &my mother just shouted from the back door reminding me to be productive while she's gone. fuck my life. i haven't weighed myself today. i just got up to update&post thinspo&then i'm going back to bed. screw being productive, i've done 300 crunches&i'm going running tonight&that's all. may the ana gods forgive me for being a slacker.

thinspo:

or:

okay obviously the skinny is on the left today. the girl on the right is in the group i call "average". she's not unhealthily overweight. but she's not half as darling as her friend. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. this is my best friend today. i've been drinking tons of juice. i have makeup on because i had to run some errands but the dark circles under my eyes are relentless.

10:13am

wtf? monday i woke up feeling like i got hit by a car. tuesday i woke up feeling a bit better. then i wake up today feeling like a hit&run victim again? oh, &my mother is super considerate. she came in my room to let me know she's leaving for the day. cool. i sat up&told her i feel like crap. so she leaves a package of decongestants or whatever. cool. then she picks up my violin, tightens it, &starts screeching out notes. if you've heard someone try to violin when they can't, you're prolly already cringing. so i told her verbatim "my head hurts. please stop playing that." so she gave me a dirty look, shut my door halfway, &continued. whatever is giving me this headache didn't appreciate it. long story short, i feel like shit&apparently refuse today to be grateful for the things i have. ugh. whatever.

oh, except i'm way happy that i have you little misses. when i have a good day you cheer me on&when i have a bad day you shove in my face all the positive things&tell me it'll be okay. sometimes you even throw back my own advice, like "don't beat yourself up about it" or "the thing about gaining weight is that you can always lose it again". thanks for everything. 

ew that sounds like a goodbye speech. swear i'm not leaving. so, on to the important stuff.

thinspo:

or:

awwh, blonde best friends with build-a-bears. how cute. look how little the girl on the right is. now look at her friend. not as little. thin vs. average strikes again. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. since i'm home alone all day, i'll hop back on&leave comments when i'm feeling less dizzy.

12:51pm

putting makeup on. going to leave around 3 to sit at starbucks for a few hours doing homework, then hanging out with friends. hoping my voice sounds normal by then. i'm wishing these dark circles under my eyes away too but they're stubborn. i've slept about 30 of the past 48 hours but i'm tired anyway. fortunately the sun is out today for the first time in a while so i'm feeling a little better inside&out. to those of you who emailed&commented about how amazing i look in that picture, aww pretty little liars. you're sweet. &if you need someone to look up to, i can recommend other bloggers who are doing much better than i am. but you can always stop by for the good stuff like...

thinspo:

or:

cute little sports fans. except for the whale, who has side boobs between her arm&shirt. gross. stay strong today, lovelies. 

xoxo

zette

p.s. yes i know it's rude to go out&spread my germs but it's sunny&i refuse to sit at home&pout. also, does anyone else like fishing? i really want to go fishing but none of my friends are into it. boohoo.

12:22pm

a bit depressed, a lot sick. in other words, feeling like shit inside&out. i'm not even sure why i'm so sad. i mean as usual part of it has to do with the nasty figure i see in the mirror. but why am i crying&cutting like a little emo girl again? i dunno. i'm sorry i disappeared. i know i'm incredibly selfish. i am trying though. i woke up this morning with a sore throat&an everythingache. my kitten spinolio jumped on me to say good morning&i shoved her off because it hurt. yes, i'm an evil bitch who shoves kittens. the sucky part is that we don't have insurance so i can't just make a doctor's appointment&get drugs to feel better. i get to sit at home&drink super healthy juice&wait it out. fuck today. but i promised so i'll post one&post some more next time i get the chance.

ewwws.

thinspo:

or:

why would a skinny cover up her tiny legs? i don't know, either. but i do know i look more like the giant in the black halter dress. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'll finish emails later, i'm going back to bed.

12:31pm

okay, i'ma be honest. i took lots of pictures of me in my new clothes. but then i went through them&i hate them all. maybe it makes me a coward but i do not want to post them. i will tomorrow. sorry i've been gone, i've been sickish. blah. but i'm feeling a bit better today, &this made me smile today. i had to edit it to make it fit in the post but i think you can still read it.

i said it as a joke but then i remembered that last time we hung out we had a discussion about calories. i explained my daily workout, &she said i needed 2000cals a day at least. ewwws. she can't help it. she's a trainer. her job is to make people healthy. &i know she actually thinks i'm skinny because this chick is allergic to lying. i love her to pieces, for real.

thinspo:

 or:

cheers for smiles with chubby friends. one of my chubby friends is having a birthday party friday. i'f there are any good pictures i'll post them. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. it sucks that i leave for 2 1/2 weeks only to come back&find that 3 of my favs on blogger are leaving. boohoo. all my love to rachael, abbi, &les(s)lie.

11:46pm

okay, so colorado. it was fantastic. the cliff dwellings were kind of interesting. christmas morning i got a sugar-free red bull&my sister got a regular one. she said "are you on a diet? cause i will ruin it." i laughed&said i'd never go on a diet, that i liked the taste better. other things we did..hm...manicures&pedicures. neon pink toenails&fingernails. even the boys had mani/pedi time. we went on the cave of the winds tour. i pulled my phone out&laughed at myself for thinking i'd have cell service that far underground. listening to michael jackson in the mall made me miss his crazy existence. we went on the old cog railroad tour that goes up to pikes peak but we only went partway up on account of all the snow. then we got in our cars&couldn't drive down the hill without sliding off the side. so a guy in his little truck plowed the road for us. sweet citizens. my brother-in-law's tahoe hates the cold, so the speedometer was either at 100 or 0 most of the time.

lots of fat jokes were made. i know they didn't mean them, but they still upset me for some reason. on new years eve i had 7 drinks at 3.2% alcohol which = a drunk zette. we went to lots of restaraunts. i got salads almost every time, claimed it was the easiest thing to clean out of my braces. mostly got away with it. on night at a steak place though the whole table made fat jokes so i purged in the bathroom. i purged once outside, it was nasty, as purging outdoors always is. we southerners shivered a little when the weather said "sunny, feels like -7". sissies.

it was snowing the day i flew home so it was a pretty bumpy plane ride. i sat in the middle of a 3-seat row next to a creepy guy. a fat woman walked up&indicated that she had the window seat. we both moved into the aisle so she could sit down. i gave the creepy guy a wide-eyed look&he understood, "will she fit?", so he seemed less creepy. i touched down at the airport&it was friggin snowing in my hometown. so i brought colorado home with me. the snow was mostly melted when i got up, but i thought it was pretty anyway. don't make fun of my sleepy photography skillz.

this is getting long. apologies, ladies. i'll post pictures of myself soon, since i got tons of new clothes. but i gained 4lbs on the trip&i'd like to make sure i'm rid of them first. i'm sure you understand. i really did miss all of you&if i wasn't feeling sick i would catch up on all your blogs tonight. also, to noface, holy shit, you read my whole blog? kudos to you. lots of mindless posts you got through. anyway, on to the good stuff.

thinspo:

or:

skinny vs. average. easy choice, hard to maintain. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. it's windy. the wind creeps me out big time. fingers crossed for no nightmares tonight.