mothers day. oh boy. my sister was going to get her a tea kettle. my mother bought herself one. i was going to pay for her to get a haircut. she got her hair cut yesterday. why so difficult? fuck it. i'll just clean the house.
in other news, if one more person comes up to me&tells me how sorry they are for my loss, i am going to slap them&then i am going to scream. i don't care that they're sorry. they're not as sorry as i am. sorry that i ever complained about babysitting jude. sorry that i ever handed him off to my sister when he got heavy. sorry that i didn't appreciate spending the first two weeks of his life taking care of his sister&his mother. sorry that i'm already breaking my promise. i promised i wouldn't remember him hooked up to all those machines. but i do remember. &i remember him being unhooked. &i remember my sister screaming for him&i know those screams will haunt my dreams for a long time. &i remember kissing him goodbye. i remember him cold&small&blue&gone.
i am sad. i am fat. i am angry. i am being rude to people&it's not their fault. but i am trying to do better. i'm trying to keep up with encouraging you guys. sorry i'm doing such a lousy job.
thinspo:
or:
if you're going to let yourself go at least get a little sun on that vampire skin.
cheers to all of you who are doing well&to those of you feeling unmotivated.
xoxo
zette
Take your time and do what you gotta do. Vent and let it the fuck out though this is likely something you'll never get over. We're understanding.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my roommate's calves are reminiscent of Michelle Trachtenberg's there. She has let herself go in the worst way.
you know its ok to feel that way. you should find a way to let it out, to vent.
ReplyDeletehoney i dont want to say im sorry cuz i really dont kno wht youre going thru. you can write and vent and do whtever it is you have to do to help with your mourning. we are all here for you no matter wht. if you need to vent to someone you can email me at drownthescale@live.com im here to listen. if not thts all good too. just dont keep it all in. at least vent on here =] i love you. laura
ReplyDeleteBe angry. You are allowed to vent and scream and cry and wana hit people for telling you they are sorry when they don't know how it feels. But at the end of the day when you feel like you need someone to tell you that despite the horrible things you go through the sun will shine tomorrow we will be here. We'll be here when you need someone to tell you that your human and need time to heal though this will haunt you leave scars and make you cry for years to caome. We will always be here for you. Let it out honey but never ever let go of the memory of his smile the bad things will always haunt you but never let them over shadow the good things. <3
ReplyDelete