4:43pm

i 'didn't have time for breakfast' before i went to school. then i came home&hung out with V until we left to run some errands. then we went to chipotle. i felt disgusting. she left to have coffee with her mother-in-law, so i've done 100 pushups in her absence.

shitty day. but school went well. my teachers seem really cool. english teacher is a former drill sargeant (big black guy) but he's nice. my economics teacher is a smartass&he's pretty funny.

anyhow, thinspo:

or:

sucks to be the fat friend.

xoxo

zette

9:46pm

going to bed. fuck fuck fuck my life. but yay for school in the morning.

thinspo for your dreams:

or:

xoxo

zette

2:50pm

so far today i had 1/4 cup organic corn flakes&a banana, lunch was an orange. i should be able to get away with not eating for the rest of the day. 400 calorie day isn't bad.

okay, the thinspo i promised:

or eww:

don't do it. don't you dare. stay strong, think thin.

xoxo

zette

8:33am

getting up earlier in preparation for starting school. here's what sucks about having classes an hour away. 1) my mother doesn't give a shit about being late or making someone late to anything, no matter how important. 2) class starts at 9, so we leave at 7:30, so i get up at 6:30, so it's dark&there's no light in my room. stupid 50-year-old house. 3) my mother wouldn't make a trip to the school, so i've gotta be early wednesday morning to get my books&then find my classes. hmm...

organic cereal for breakfast with 1/2 a banana (i hate spelling banana. i always put an extra 'na' by accident). well, when V gets up. i don't eat when i don't have to. i'm not disciplined, just stubborn. &yes, there's a difference. i'm not a very disciplined child at all. i could blame that on my insane childhood, but if everybody used abuse as an excuse, nobody would get anywhere in this world. so it's all me. i can do things when i want to. especially if someone says no. i'm hoping i can lose all the weight i want without my dramatic friend getting me transferred to a loony bin, where i'd undoubtedly fit in better.

cramps are gone. goody, cause i want to run today.

i suppose i'll talk about boys for once. a particular one is annoying me. he's a buddy of mine, &i've told him a gazillion times that's all we'll be, but he still likes me. which is fine, but he's all protective&paranoid, &touchy. i'm not often a touchy person. i can take a hug but i like my space. also, he'll randomly ignore me completely for a week. no texts back or anything. then all of the sudden he wants to talk. really? text me back once in a while, asswipe. this is prolly why i'm single. no patience at all. most of my guy friends are cool with it. the ones that aren't, aren't my friends anymore, so it works. okay. quick boy talk over.

my stomach hurts. i didn't eat last night, so i slept on empty&i plan on staying empty as much as possible today. i'll eat a little, so i can say i ate (there's a guy i don't lie to, ever. &he always asks. i adopted him as my daddy cause he's like super old, he's a soldier). but other than that, i'll just keep telling myself how thin i'll be. or just look in the mirror. yuck. plenty of motivation. i'll post thinspo later. V just woke up&is staring at the screen from the other side of the room. boo for the computer being in my room. (i'll take that boo back later, i'm sure)

xoxo

zette

8:33pm

so tired. i hope i'm not getting sick. my throat hurts like hell, as does my stomach. awesome.

watching csi while i paint my nails. my fingers aren't fat, so i'm okay with this. haha 

question on my mind today, how thin is that line between beautiful&heart failure? fatter than we are, i hope.

thinspo for your dreams:

 

 

or:

never never never will we be the coat ladies. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

1:11pm

mmm, it's monday. i start my two classes this wednesday. really hoping my teachers like me. hopefully i'll have tons of homework, thus more sleeping, thus less time awake, suspiciously avoiding food. i don't fast often. so long as i keep days under 500 cals, fasting just seems like an unnecessary stomachache.

anyhow, organic cereal&half a banana with 1/3 cup whole milk for breakfast. V&i did all our exercises, &i'll do them again...&again&again after my mom leaves. chocolate chip cookies are hiding in the kitchen. i will not touch them. though if i do, 100 pushups will help me not to next time. V said i have small arms. happy happy happy me. i disagree of course, but lies are sweet sometimes.

my birthday is next month. not sure what i want to do. if my dramatic friend hadn't stopped me, i'd be done with abc by then. stupid stupid stupid. i'm not actually mad at her. just in a bad mood cause i'm cramping like crazy. good excuses to skip meals though. i think i'll take the dogs to the park lately. maybe let them off leash by accident....surprise loves that.

anyways, thanks for the emails. they're super sweet.

thinspo to kick off your week? yes:

or:

yikes. let's shrink, shall we? stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

7;13pm

just got home from seeing sherlock holmes. good movie. smell of popcorn made me feel a little sicky though. got a slush at sonic before the movie. of course, no outside food or drink is allowed. but i told them i'm diabetic. so they let me go. i didn't drink even half of it, mind you. i made sure to share.

anyhow, time to stretch for leg lifts. convinced my mom i filled up on popcorn so dinner wasn't a problem. oh the lies we lie. an art in its own way, don't you think? &in the end we'll be the prettiest artists ever.

thinspo for your dreams, whenever they come:

or:

her face is fine. but the rest is ew.

think thin, lovelies, &stay strong.

xoxo

zette