8:33am

getting up earlier in preparation for starting school. here's what sucks about having classes an hour away. 1) my mother doesn't give a shit about being late or making someone late to anything, no matter how important. 2) class starts at 9, so we leave at 7:30, so i get up at 6:30, so it's dark&there's no light in my room. stupid 50-year-old house. 3) my mother wouldn't make a trip to the school, so i've gotta be early wednesday morning to get my books&then find my classes. hmm...

organic cereal for breakfast with 1/2 a banana (i hate spelling banana. i always put an extra 'na' by accident). well, when V gets up. i don't eat when i don't have to. i'm not disciplined, just stubborn. &yes, there's a difference. i'm not a very disciplined child at all. i could blame that on my insane childhood, but if everybody used abuse as an excuse, nobody would get anywhere in this world. so it's all me. i can do things when i want to. especially if someone says no. i'm hoping i can lose all the weight i want without my dramatic friend getting me transferred to a loony bin, where i'd undoubtedly fit in better.

cramps are gone. goody, cause i want to run today.

i suppose i'll talk about boys for once. a particular one is annoying me. he's a buddy of mine, &i've told him a gazillion times that's all we'll be, but he still likes me. which is fine, but he's all protective&paranoid, &touchy. i'm not often a touchy person. i can take a hug but i like my space. also, he'll randomly ignore me completely for a week. no texts back or anything. then all of the sudden he wants to talk. really? text me back once in a while, asswipe. this is prolly why i'm single. no patience at all. most of my guy friends are cool with it. the ones that aren't, aren't my friends anymore, so it works. okay. quick boy talk over.

my stomach hurts. i didn't eat last night, so i slept on empty&i plan on staying empty as much as possible today. i'll eat a little, so i can say i ate (there's a guy i don't lie to, ever. &he always asks. i adopted him as my daddy cause he's like super old, he's a soldier). but other than that, i'll just keep telling myself how thin i'll be. or just look in the mirror. yuck. plenty of motivation. i'll post thinspo later. V just woke up&is staring at the screen from the other side of the room. boo for the computer being in my room. (i'll take that boo back later, i'm sure)

xoxo

zette