1:28pm

somebody told me to title my blogs something besides the time. i don't want to. kapeesh?

sorry i disappeared. my computer went kaput on me&it just got fixed. mostly. gotta copy some stuff. for now i just get on at the library.

anyhow, gained weight again cause i've been eating like a normal person lately. hoping to fix that soon but it'll be difficult as i'm getting zero alone time. boo for having to eat.

except tuesday&wednesday&today. my buddy overdosed monday&died the next day. i've been kinda messed up about it. we weren't super close but it's still scary, you know?

been trying not to cut. it's not working well. asj;klkjdfpkf'dsjkuhcfss. frustrated.

enough venting. thanks for all the support&i have been getting the emails, i'll reply asap.stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

1:08pm

home from school. one of the only ones in my class who has done any of the homework. stopped at target on the way home&got a cute skirt. it's a small. &when i took my hoodie off my mom said i look skinny. yes, skinny. my mom is 100lbs more than i am but still, she was the first to tell me i should lose weight so it made me smile to hear her say i look skinny. does that mean i'm happy with my weight now&that it's time to eat healthy&be normal? fuck no. it only encouraged me to keep going. yeauhhh.

the half hot pocket i ate came right back up, now it's just me&diet coke.

thanks for the emails, kids. they mean alot. stay strong lovelies. you can do this. still looking for an ana buddy. my old one still hasn't texted me. boooo. lemme know if you're interested.

xoxo

zette

7:39am

sat at starbucks for 5 hours yesterday doing my economics homework. &i only got 77 out of 90 questions done. glad it's not due until next week.

my weight is the same. shocker. ugh, this is frustrating. i know i set my goal weight at 115 but it's really my looks, not my weight, that matters. what do i want to look like? i'm not sure. just smaller than i am right now.

quick thinspo to kick off my day&yours:

the girls aren't even that big, but blondie just looks so much better.

xoxo

zette

7:45am

i wish my school weren't 45 minutes away. i hate getting up early for anything but running. i dressed my age today, ripped jeans, purple shoes, &a hoodie. usually i either dress like a punk, or like i'm 30.

why do i have to love running so much? i still have runner's legs, though they used to be even bigger&more firm. boo. hopefully in the summer i'll be much smaller, &tan fat looks better than pale fat. i'm pretty pale.

anyways, no breakfast. but V is off work today, so i'm sure she'll want me to join her in either lunch or dinner..or both. if i only lived alone. ughh.

well i should go make sure my madre is getting ready. she's always up for making me late for things&my teacher will shoot me if i'm late. i feel like such a baby in my college classes. fingers crossed i'm mature enough to pass as older than i am. george is copying off me again. he claims he did last semester, but then why did i get an A&he got a C? silly cheater.

golly, i'm rambling again. stay strong today, lovelies. you can do it.

p.s. ana buddy anyone? my old ana buddy moved to ohio or something&won't text me anymore. oh well.

10:28pm

my stomach hurts. but i'm slowly getting smaller.

bought a sports bra today for running. planning on running after school tomorrow, around noon. got some emotional stuff i needa work out&running helps with that.

i was supposed to read a chapter for economics. i think. but i don't remember which one. whatever. supposed to study vocabulary words for a english test friday. i'll get around to it. i will. school is definitely a priority for me, just not the first one.

sam says i'm tall&skinny. i think sam needs glasses. yes, she definitely needs glasses.

thinspo for your dreams:

or:

legslegslegs. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:56pm

having a hard time sleeping lately. so i'm way tired. so i'm way grumpy. &i'm still working on fixing the computer, so i might not be posting every day.

so far today has been okay. after school i had half an orange&alot of water, than ramen with V like old times, but i didn't keep it down. now i'm home alone so it's just tic tacs&water. taking the dogs to the park again later cause it's supposed to be way cold later in the week.

stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

8:49pm

fuck!!!!!!!

okay, on to the update. zoo for 4 hours, excluding the train ride there&back. i like taking the train. always interesting people around. mostly hung out with my niece while her parents argued about everything. fighting couples are so annoying. anyhow, ended the day saying hi to V at work&then getting dinner at an asian restaurant. (yes, i ate. no, i didn't keep it down.) anyhow, now i'm home..&happy as can be....not. why am i in tears again? i'm not sure. i've been crying alot lately, which is odd cause i'm not much of a crybaby, at least i try not to be.

i'm so frustrated. i need to lose weight but it keeps sliding down my list of priorities. not personally, but cause my family would totally flip if they found out. so i try to eat in front of them every meal. i don't eat when i'm alone. there's no reason to. but i seem to be getting less alone time lately. boo.

my army buddy was in town today. but i was at the zoo. so i missed him. super lame. i miss him tons, so hopefully i'll get to see him soon.

my nosy friend called to talk a few minutes ago. to apologize. fuck her. i hope she gets run over by a lawn mower.

as for my dramatic friend, she's been cool lately. not surprisingly, cause she's usually pretty cool. she's just sometimes...well, dramatic. going on about how i'm going to kill myself when i know if she were here she'd take it back. then sometimes she knows i'm just talking so she'll me to drop the bullshit&tell her what's actually going on. gotta love real people. except when they never have time to take a call. boo.

golly. i'm all about rambling tonight. thinspo is long overdue, yes?

so, without further ado:

 or:

 

 i don't care how pretty you are; do you really think you'd ever be able to see past the fat? ew.

xoxo

zette