9:05am

time for a random post. shabam. this is hard. well no shit it's hard. it's not like we're giving up biting our nails or singing in the shower. it's food. our bodies are going to need it sooner or later. sometimes for a moment i think this is stupid&that i should just give up. but then i start clicking through thinspo&i find that little voice that tells me to suck it up&starve on.

finished my economics homework it's due next week. oops. oh well. now i have to write this essay. yeah, still haven't finished it. but this story makes zero sense to me. &the questions make less sense. like -3 sense. so wish me luck. i need to bring my grades up in english&economics. if anything just so my mom will quit making me feel like shit about it.

if you don't have an ana buddy, i'd find one. an ana buddy should be someone you can text at any time. someone who will give you instructions on how to purge. someone who will tell you to go for a run instead of making lunch. my ana buddy is badass. just saying, you should get one if you haven't already.

i suppose since i'm online i'll post more thinspo. never too much thinspo. not sure about you, but i love bones&i can't wait until more of mine show.

aforementioned skinnies:

or:

if you feel fat, find someone fatter, &do nothing that they do. don't be the fat friend, darlings. it's no good. stay strong, lovelies. we're in this together.

xoxo

zette

10:03am

i'm told that i make the whole self injury thing a grey area. so let's make it clear, shall we? instead of crying, i cut or burn. usually on my ribs, sometimes on my legs. it's not that i lack the ability to cry, it's just messy&unnecessary. like cutting. but cutting makes me feel better. at least it usually does. it has for the past 4 years. so..shabam: we're clear.

anyhow, had about 700 calories yesterday. yikes. i just rolled out of bed&i'm not sure what i should have for breakfast. probably part of a smoothie&alot of water. about 200 calories. plus coffee. sounds good to me.

in other news, i really want to go to dallas. just take the train to mockingbird station&wander around. go to james's voodoo shop&have a chat. hang out with a street musician, talk about life, &never see them again. i'll have to convince someone to give me a ride to the train station though.....&of course i'll have to go to the zoo.

thinspo for your thursday:

or you can be nikki:

whatever you're craving right now, chances are it won't makes your legs smaller. ana will. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

10:08am

to answer you question, P, i don't want to be in a competition. i've done that before&it all went to shit. i'd rather not explain further. kapeesh?

also, i'm having a hard time saying anything to the people who are recovering. i'm not happy for them. i should be, but i'm not. how does someone switch over that fast? i know i'm being a brat, but i don't appreciate recovery. it doesn't make any sense to me right now. can anybody relate to that? i'm not heartless, i'm glad they're getting whatever it is they want, but i can't bring myself to pat them on the back yet.

in other news, i've got to write an essay today on a story i don't understand. cheers for wikipedia. wiki helps with my english homework tremendously. oh&500 crunches were only to make me feel better yesterday. exercise for me is sometimes more of an inside thing. so there you go. oh, i almost forgot.

thinspo for you:

or:

who told her to wear white? how rude. i guess black might not have helped much anyway.

stay strong, lovelies. we're going to be so pretty, small, delicate.

xoxo

zette

10:19am

home alone until 4ish. went grocery shopping last night&my mom got random stuff for me that i used to like. including chef boyardee minibites. since she got dinosaurs, i pick out 3 of the same kind at a time. so..

breakfast- 24 dinosaurs&16oz of water

lunch- 24 dinosaurs&16oz of water

dinner- whatever my mom makes, then what's left inside me after i purge.

random thinspo: 

 or:

 someone told the fat ones their dresses would be slimming. sure. but those arms need to be either hidden or chopped off. &sorry for spacing on you guys. just been a rough couple of days. you guys are the best. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:46am

or:

stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

2:22pm

my mom is pissed at me about my grades. she keeps telling me i should at least try. i feel too shitty to tell her i'm doing my best. i've barely lost any weight even though i'm working so hard at it. since i've been frustrated i've been avoiding people, so quite a few people are mad at me. then on the way home from the sleepover, i didn't want to go home yet. so C drove down a road so we could talk a bit more. there was a dog out, we kept driving. then we turned around&a guy on a motorcycle had hit the dog. C is medically trained so she stopped to check out the biker&i checked out the dog. it was breathing&still had a pulse but it's mouth was bleeding so i shut its eyelids&waited until it was still. the guy dislocated his shoulder&broke his kneecap (we think). so we held his hand&talked about all the pins on his vest until the ambulance got there. then i came home&cut&burned my ribs so i wouldn't cry. i just got home from taking surprise for a long walk in the park. the weather is nice. sort of ironic to me because my day is a shitfest so far.

fuckfuckfuck. today is stupid.

i'll post thinspo later or tomorrow. i'm taking a sleeping pill&pretending this stuff never happened. then i'm going to party my ass off tonight. oh so responsible. hope your day is going better. is it? stay strong, lovelies. never never never give up.

xoxo

zette

7:02pm

leaving in  a bit for a sleepover with a few friends. i feel like i'm in 6th grade again. i'm sure all we'll talk about is boys. i'm so ridiculously excited...i can barely contain myself. can you tell? oh brother. i don't even want to go. why do i make silly promises? why do i have to keep my silly promises? well, that's just me i suppose.

thinspo for you&me:

or:

i cannot stress this enough, darlings. we cannot be the fat friend. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette