8:34pm

sorry, i know i promised thinspo but i kinda slept all day. i think maybe i'm getting sick? feeling a bit icky. just tired&shaky&weak&i threw up. kind of funny cause those things usually happen but only cause i make them happen.

let's aim for:

or:

okay. to be fair, they both need work. but comparatively, the girl on the right looks pretty big.

stay strong, lovelies. remember, empty is clean. &mia is addicting but ana is rewarding. shabam, there you go.

xoxo

zette

8:24am

good morning kids. it snowed down here again. wtf? snow on the first day of spring. of course. i love it. i ran out barefoot a second ago to take a picture for my V since she's always complaining about snow in colorado.

but i might not send it cause...well i do look accurately like i just woke up. &i look huge. everywhere. damn you wide hips. damn you C cups. &chubby arms. wait...chubby arms? i've always had sort of slender arms. oh well. i am my own reverse thinspo. shabam. no food for me today if i can get away with it.

oh don't worry i'll post real thinspo later. promise. &thanks for all the comments&emails. you guys are fantastic. i'm trying to catch up on your blogs. it's taking me forever as my mother has not yet learned the art of knocking before she walks in my room. stay strong today. you can do it. of course you can. do not beat yourselves up about a stupid binge. work it off&try again. kapeesh?

xoxo

zette

3:40pm

just woke up from a nap&got a bowl of the soup my mother made. i have applesauce when i got home this morning (100cals) &i haven't looked up the soup yet. it's chicken, yellow squash, &kale. i haven't had much of it though. now i have to write the final draft of my essay&then edit it tomorrow.

oh&last night. thansk for all the comments. you guys help alot, for real. it was alot of fun. at one point we were just sitting on em's floor flipping through all her magazines&it was so hard to point out dresses&shoes instead of collarbones&legs. it was fun anyways, i suppose. calorie intake? made a hotdog&had a few bites of it. luckily they had 4 of their 6 dogs inside the house so getting rid of food outside the kitchen was no problem. i did have soda&ice cream, but i purged like a good girl. after that i just had water. so not perfect but not bad. lots of crunches today so i won't do it again.

thinspo for you:

or:

fat&happy with friends but i wonder if fatties are happy when alone? i'm still fat&i'm definitely not happy when alone. oh but we are good fakers, aren't we? stay strong, lovelies. we'll be thin, dainty, graceful.

xoxo

zette

10:09am

funny how it's often the fat people who tell you you're thin&that you don't need to lose weight, etc? well obviously. if i weighed as much as you do i'd be jealous of me too. the exception is my dramatic friend. i love her to death but she is not at all happy about my weight, or the fact that i want to lose so much more. but she just lost a ton of weight. so she knows how good it feels. she's pretty thin now, i think she looks smaller than me. &she has a prettier face. how is that fair? fuck all you blue-eyed beauties. i'll just pretend to be happy with my too-high cheekbones&shit-colored eyes. anyways, dramatic friend has teamed up with nosy friend again. i hope they'll quit it. because my dramatic friend lives on the other side of the country&my nosy friend lives about 20 minutes away. so between the 2 of them, they could fuck up my life majorly. that worries me.

another sleepover tonight. it's my friend's birthday. they always have tons of food. i'm fasting today so anything eaten tonight will blow me up. anyways i'll like a total of 4 people there. i hope that's enough. i can be pretty mean when i don't like someone. i'm not sure why i feel the need to say such awful things to people. the worst is that i find something true&stretch it to make them feel like shit. great for getting back at people but i do it all the time. i know, i'm terrible. i'm nice to you guys though, right? i mean i hope so. i try to be.

in short, i'm scared that 2 of my friends will get me in trouble as they know so many of my secrets, &i'm scared that i'll binge at tonight's sleepover. words of encouragement as always would be greatly appreciated. i'm all for giving back so i'll post thinspo.

some pretty little legs:

or:

chances are she wouldn't look any better with a smile. nice try though, fatass. stay strong, lovelies, &wish me luck. tonight is going to be very...interesting.

xoxo

zette

9:05am

time for a random post. shabam. this is hard. well no shit it's hard. it's not like we're giving up biting our nails or singing in the shower. it's food. our bodies are going to need it sooner or later. sometimes for a moment i think this is stupid&that i should just give up. but then i start clicking through thinspo&i find that little voice that tells me to suck it up&starve on.

finished my economics homework it's due next week. oops. oh well. now i have to write this essay. yeah, still haven't finished it. but this story makes zero sense to me. &the questions make less sense. like -3 sense. so wish me luck. i need to bring my grades up in english&economics. if anything just so my mom will quit making me feel like shit about it.

if you don't have an ana buddy, i'd find one. an ana buddy should be someone you can text at any time. someone who will give you instructions on how to purge. someone who will tell you to go for a run instead of making lunch. my ana buddy is badass. just saying, you should get one if you haven't already.

i suppose since i'm online i'll post more thinspo. never too much thinspo. not sure about you, but i love bones&i can't wait until more of mine show.

aforementioned skinnies:

or:

if you feel fat, find someone fatter, &do nothing that they do. don't be the fat friend, darlings. it's no good. stay strong, lovelies. we're in this together.

xoxo

zette

10:03am

i'm told that i make the whole self injury thing a grey area. so let's make it clear, shall we? instead of crying, i cut or burn. usually on my ribs, sometimes on my legs. it's not that i lack the ability to cry, it's just messy&unnecessary. like cutting. but cutting makes me feel better. at least it usually does. it has for the past 4 years. so..shabam: we're clear.

anyhow, had about 700 calories yesterday. yikes. i just rolled out of bed&i'm not sure what i should have for breakfast. probably part of a smoothie&alot of water. about 200 calories. plus coffee. sounds good to me.

in other news, i really want to go to dallas. just take the train to mockingbird station&wander around. go to james's voodoo shop&have a chat. hang out with a street musician, talk about life, &never see them again. i'll have to convince someone to give me a ride to the train station though.....&of course i'll have to go to the zoo.

thinspo for your thursday:

or you can be nikki:

whatever you're craving right now, chances are it won't makes your legs smaller. ana will. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

10:08am

to answer you question, P, i don't want to be in a competition. i've done that before&it all went to shit. i'd rather not explain further. kapeesh?

also, i'm having a hard time saying anything to the people who are recovering. i'm not happy for them. i should be, but i'm not. how does someone switch over that fast? i know i'm being a brat, but i don't appreciate recovery. it doesn't make any sense to me right now. can anybody relate to that? i'm not heartless, i'm glad they're getting whatever it is they want, but i can't bring myself to pat them on the back yet.

in other news, i've got to write an essay today on a story i don't understand. cheers for wikipedia. wiki helps with my english homework tremendously. oh&500 crunches were only to make me feel better yesterday. exercise for me is sometimes more of an inside thing. so there you go. oh, i almost forgot.

thinspo for you:

or:

who told her to wear white? how rude. i guess black might not have helped much anyway.

stay strong, lovelies. we're going to be so pretty, small, delicate.

xoxo

zette