12:18pm

home from school. offered to babysit my niece&nephew today at 3. i told my sister that my mom&i would visit my brother at the va hospital at 7. so what did she say next? "oh good then i'll have plenty of time to hang out with them". seriously? i didn't say i could babysit for 4 hours. i'm glad i'll be away this summer. then maybe she'll appreciate the free babysitting she gets all the time. sorry. she just annoys me sometimes.

economics quiz on friday&then a test online over the weekend. fuckfuckfuck. i suck at economics. &my english teacher said my last essay wasn't very good. there's no way i can make an A in the class now. how am i so stupid when the rest of my family is so intelligent? not very fair.

so i'm frustrated. &people keep calling me beautiful. at the last sleepover my friend put her hands around my waist (which is huge) &went on about how small i am. then someone else picked me up&went on about how i weigh nothing. why do people do that? when people say i have pretty eyes, i joke that they're the color of shit. cause they are. why so many comments about my body? or am i just noticing it cause it's what i focus on every minute of the day?

in conclusion, i'm frustrated cause i'm a fugly retarded whale of a girl in a world of pretty smart little girls.

thinspo:

or:

quod me nutrit me destruit. (that which nourishes me destroys me) we have to be small this summer. do you really want to spend another summer deciding how to cross your legs to hide the fat? or running around with shorts&a tank top over your bikini cause nobody wants to see that stomach? come on, ladies. we can do this. stay strong, lovelies. we're all in this together. you are so so so not alone.

xoxo

zette

p.s. apparently it won't let you email me from my profile on here? sorry about that. ilovezette@yahoo.com if you need anything.

3:27pm

oh boy. water water water. i've had 6 glasses today. i look preggo. i felt a little sick but i'm feeling better now. cool&full&in control. didn't mean for that to sound cheesy. anyways, gonna skateboard with some people tonight. it's been nice not having any homework today. with no essay to write i've just been working on my own writing. new lyrics&i tuned my guitar. mellow afternoon. &wow, you guys make me smile. ferrealz yo.

okay. so a certain someone *coughDJcough* got mad at me cause i said i don't like it when weight loss becomes a competition. are you kidding? i already explained this, silly. i just think it seems to work better when we all hold each other up instead of competing. for some of you that could work better but for me it doesn't. kapeesh?

in other news, i've had 100 calories today. glass of pomegranate-blueberry juice - 60. marshmallows - 40. the marshmallows maybe seem random but i needed something super sweet. anyways, i should be able to get away with that for today&just fill up on water. might have to eat dinner later but prolly not.

i'm trying to keep up with your blogs. haven't been commenting much i guess. i only comment when i have something to say so sometimes i read&say nothing. don't most of you do the same?

thinspo:

or:

dear god, who invited the whale?? when we're small we might look a bit like lollipops with our big heads on bones but we'll be the prettiest little lollies the world has ever seen. kapeesh? also, you are not allowed to wear hooker shoes at any weight unless you are a hooker. shabam, just a few thoughts of mine.

xoxo

zette

2:17pm

you guys make me laugh. the last bit of the last post was for those of you who are running to mia when ana is too hard. mia is easy. you eat, you purge, you eat, you purge. but it damages you&it won't really help you lose weight. starving will. i think fasting is the term most of us use but starving sounds...stronger? or maybe just explicit. whatever. oh&also, i'm finding i like cold foods much better than hot. hot food seems gross&invasive. it's like even if i only take a single bite, the rest seeps into my pores&sits there. cold food is empty of the warm, full feeling food usually gives me. so cold food is better. i eat less of it.

i just got home from getting a gallon of water at walmart. i'm glad my mom believes in drinking enough water. otherwise she'd question me keeping a gallon of water in my room. she threw out my last gallon (refilled 485793827509873 times) when she was cleaning my room. i'm not sure why she does that. i ask her not to, since she doesn't know what's trash. i thought i was getting through to her after she threw away some sketches&old birthday cards. whatever. parents are parents&always will be.

school is going better. got 2 papers&a test back. A-, A-, &an A. i think i can live with that for now. hoping to knock off the minus on the essay i just turned in. found out my teacher likes that i talk to him after class casually. what can i say? i like for people to know ho i am. i don't like being invisible, &that's hard to avoid at a big school. cheers for my classmates&teachers knowing my name.

after lots of rambling, thinspo:

or:

why so blue, skinny miss? found this pic in an article about being happy with your body. oh boy. i don't think anything pinstriped besides shoes should come in sizes above 5. shabam. daily dose of whateverthefuck happens to be on my mind. stay strong, lovelies. summer is almost here. we'll be compared to other girls. let's be the prettiest.

xoxo

zette

8:34pm

sorry, i know i promised thinspo but i kinda slept all day. i think maybe i'm getting sick? feeling a bit icky. just tired&shaky&weak&i threw up. kind of funny cause those things usually happen but only cause i make them happen.

let's aim for:

or:

okay. to be fair, they both need work. but comparatively, the girl on the right looks pretty big.

stay strong, lovelies. remember, empty is clean. &mia is addicting but ana is rewarding. shabam, there you go.

xoxo

zette

8:24am

good morning kids. it snowed down here again. wtf? snow on the first day of spring. of course. i love it. i ran out barefoot a second ago to take a picture for my V since she's always complaining about snow in colorado.

but i might not send it cause...well i do look accurately like i just woke up. &i look huge. everywhere. damn you wide hips. damn you C cups. &chubby arms. wait...chubby arms? i've always had sort of slender arms. oh well. i am my own reverse thinspo. shabam. no food for me today if i can get away with it.

oh don't worry i'll post real thinspo later. promise. &thanks for all the comments&emails. you guys are fantastic. i'm trying to catch up on your blogs. it's taking me forever as my mother has not yet learned the art of knocking before she walks in my room. stay strong today. you can do it. of course you can. do not beat yourselves up about a stupid binge. work it off&try again. kapeesh?

xoxo

zette

3:40pm

just woke up from a nap&got a bowl of the soup my mother made. i have applesauce when i got home this morning (100cals) &i haven't looked up the soup yet. it's chicken, yellow squash, &kale. i haven't had much of it though. now i have to write the final draft of my essay&then edit it tomorrow.

oh&last night. thansk for all the comments. you guys help alot, for real. it was alot of fun. at one point we were just sitting on em's floor flipping through all her magazines&it was so hard to point out dresses&shoes instead of collarbones&legs. it was fun anyways, i suppose. calorie intake? made a hotdog&had a few bites of it. luckily they had 4 of their 6 dogs inside the house so getting rid of food outside the kitchen was no problem. i did have soda&ice cream, but i purged like a good girl. after that i just had water. so not perfect but not bad. lots of crunches today so i won't do it again.

thinspo for you:

or:

fat&happy with friends but i wonder if fatties are happy when alone? i'm still fat&i'm definitely not happy when alone. oh but we are good fakers, aren't we? stay strong, lovelies. we'll be thin, dainty, graceful.

xoxo

zette

10:09am

funny how it's often the fat people who tell you you're thin&that you don't need to lose weight, etc? well obviously. if i weighed as much as you do i'd be jealous of me too. the exception is my dramatic friend. i love her to death but she is not at all happy about my weight, or the fact that i want to lose so much more. but she just lost a ton of weight. so she knows how good it feels. she's pretty thin now, i think she looks smaller than me. &she has a prettier face. how is that fair? fuck all you blue-eyed beauties. i'll just pretend to be happy with my too-high cheekbones&shit-colored eyes. anyways, dramatic friend has teamed up with nosy friend again. i hope they'll quit it. because my dramatic friend lives on the other side of the country&my nosy friend lives about 20 minutes away. so between the 2 of them, they could fuck up my life majorly. that worries me.

another sleepover tonight. it's my friend's birthday. they always have tons of food. i'm fasting today so anything eaten tonight will blow me up. anyways i'll like a total of 4 people there. i hope that's enough. i can be pretty mean when i don't like someone. i'm not sure why i feel the need to say such awful things to people. the worst is that i find something true&stretch it to make them feel like shit. great for getting back at people but i do it all the time. i know, i'm terrible. i'm nice to you guys though, right? i mean i hope so. i try to be.

in short, i'm scared that 2 of my friends will get me in trouble as they know so many of my secrets, &i'm scared that i'll binge at tonight's sleepover. words of encouragement as always would be greatly appreciated. i'm all for giving back so i'll post thinspo.

some pretty little legs:

or:

chances are she wouldn't look any better with a smile. nice try though, fatass. stay strong, lovelies, &wish me luck. tonight is going to be very...interesting.

xoxo

zette