7:27pm

binge of the day: honeysuckles. no idea how many calories. but they were prolly all burned picking them. lots of water today. i want to keep losing weight. emotional hurricane aside, i'm actually okay. but taking the emotions into account, i'm fucked. my ribs are one big scratchfest from cutting so much. i feel so lost. an annoying feeling. forget about school. school is my last priority. i've already missed 3 days (i only go 3 days a week) &before that i had perfect attendance. awesome. way to go, zette, you're a fucking loser. i need some reverse thinspo. so that's what i'll post. sorry for the bullshit mumblings. hopefully i'll be closer to normalish soon.

xoxo

zette

10:34pm

sorry for disappearing. just having a rough time. my weight is going down&i don't even give a shit. so that's all. this is me checking in. not a big update but just letting you know i'm around. kind of. i miss you guys. i'll be back when i find my brain so i can reply to emails (which i really really really do appreciate...even the weird questions)&catch up on your blogs.

xoxo

zette

10:56am

my 14month old nephew died last night

don' t get fat.

10:08pm

hmm...ever feel like it would be convenient not to have to see tomorrow? boo for emo i-hope-i-die-in-my-sleep thoughts. i've tried to be peppy today. started off in a good enough mood. then failed my economics quiz&my good mood ran away. grumpy grumpy grumpy. i'm gonna go catch my cat&bring him back in the house. my madre is yelling at me to do so. gotta love parents.

quick thinspo:

thin or average? your choice. personally, i'm trying to get away from average. average waist, average arms, average legs. average=gross. average takes zero discipline. it takes alot of work to get thin&stay thin.
 it's not easy but i'm betting it's worth it. stay strong, ladies. we'll be okay. &then we'll be better than okay when we're skinny. kapeesh? glad we understand each other.

xoxo

zette

10:20am

it's tuesday. it's sunny outside here. i'm just waiting for summer to be here so i can be in colorado. also, my dramatic friend might be in denver for a bit when i'm up there so maybe i'll get to see her. more inspiration to lose weight. it's not that i want her to worry about me when she feels my bones. but we all know the sense of pride when our bodies aren't quite as rounded as they used to be. oh boy. my mood is getting better already. &thanks for the comments. &the emails. they made me smile. you guys are great.

breakfast was 6 spears of asparagus. yes, i like numbers divisible by 3. 3 is my favorite number in the whole world of numbers. do you have a favorite? speaking of favs, my favorite model right now is karlie kloss....

thinspo:

or:

i know i usually post someone closer to average, but this was too good not to post. remember, that fatass got there one bite at a time. you can get there too if you let yourself. don't do it. you can stay strong today.

xoxo

zette

10:40pm

i did pretty well today calorie-wise but i forgot that this assignment is more than a summary, i've gotta take notes on the side or whatever. so anyhow, i shouldn't have put it off. i've got my outline but i feel brain dead. my stomach hurts like hell&eating would fix it but i have have have to lose this fucking weight. i cannot be in the whale category this summer.

besides that i'm just frustrated in general. i've been cutting alot&somewhere in the back of my mind i know i should be. but it's so easy. &it really does help me calm down&clear my head. ugh. i cannot think. i keep spacing. i'm so frustrated i'm literally in tears. it's pathetic. i've got mascara running down my fat face&onto my fat legs. i feel disgusting. but i don't have time to fix myself&get this stupid paper done. so first things first. fucking homework will be the death of me.

i hate admitting it but i'm not okay. why can't i simply be okay? i tell people often enough. "how are you?" "okay, you?" "okay. good seeing you." "you too." oh fake existence why must you be so effortless? hell i'm even fake to myself. i tell myself it's completely harmless to be as mentally unstable as i am. i'm going to kill myself one day&it's going to be a goddamn accident. not cause i'm clumsy but cause i like to push my limits until it hurts..then push them farther. i'm insane. sorry for the spastic post. thanks for putting up with me.

stay strong, little ladies. let's be small so we can fit in&stand out at the same time.

xoxo

zette

7:34pm

oopsy forgot to post this.

The rules of this blog award are:
1. Post this logo within your blog or post
2. Pass the award onto 5 fellow bloggers
3. Link to the nominees within your post
4. Let the nominees know they have received an award by commenting on their blog
5. Share the love and link the person whom you received this blog award

without further ado,

violet of shrinking violet - for her alice obsession, random comments, &her fantastic way of saying things so that i smile when i see that she has posted.&her...reality? she's raw. in a good way. &seems to have good taste in just about everything. to know her in person we'd prolly kill each other&then be good friends.

meg of leak for her honesty. she tells things i might not have the courage to. &posts random pictures to remind me that life doesn't have to be so dark today. also, her weight loss is encouraging for sure.

alisson of every calorie is a war for her honesty&complaining&perfect thinspo. her blog is helpful to me.

alice of zoete narcissen for her gentle, violent way of describing things such as "my entrails smeared on the sidewalk." & "Thank you, reverse thinspo roommates". &for letting me think for that one day that i have a pretty face. 

riki ana of beautiful?  for her many many exclamation points. her blog is loud&therefor i remember it when i walk away. also for the rhino picture on the side of her blog. &for her commitment. makes me feel lousy when i stray&encourages me to get back up.

well i picked 5. not easy at all. can't i pick like 8 more??

xoxo

zette