11:16pm

just had dinner. water&lemon for you curious ones. the party yesterday was alright. i had to leave early so i never even had to get in the pool. which is good cause i was having a fat day for real. check it out, i'm the one in the giant pink shirt.

yikes. flabby legs. isn't flabby a gross word? i think it is. &i think it suits me. i want to see more bones. my collarbones stick out no matter what i weigh&my ribs&hips show too but my back has a nasty layer of fat&my legs are huge.also, my arms have gone soft. they got bigger&my muscle ran away. can't starve&have muscle, i suppose. just means i'll have to be extra disciplined. which i am. but my goddamn family keeps me from my goals. sometimes i wish i could be alone with my disease. anybody else? just me? alright, i'm crazy. i know.

thinspo:

or:

before&afters can be painful. instead of ballooning, let's go backwards&shrink. i want to be small. &i'm guessing you want to be small. &since it's possible, we should go for it. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:25pm

algebra will be the death of me. it's lame being the stupid child in a family of geniuses. academically i'm a little...slow. goodbye summer. i'm sorry algebra had to break s up so soon. okay anyways, i can't do abc. i can do my best but i can't follow it. not with my mother bitching at me&my sister watching. sorry, kids. at the moment i'm watching hell's kitchen on hulu. they're serving food&i'm sipping water. home alone until this evening, then a birthday party. oh god. it's a pool party with "tons of food". i'm fucked. i'm not going to eat but i still look like a whale in a bikini. a beluga, cause of my pale skin. on the bright side, i'm going to my best buddy's house tonight. well, we were best buddies for quite a while. then we grew up. her family got better&my family got worse. pretty stoked to hang out with her though. &as a bonus, her family already knows i'm weird about food so they won't make me eat. i might get a talk but no calories necessary. pretty swell setup. i'm going to reply to all your emails&then clean my room. should take plenty of time&then i'll be off to the party. cheers.

random thinspo:

or:

well...if you want to be thinner you'd better skip dinner. stay strong today, ladies. i'd write more but i just finished a blackberry-banana-almond milk smoothie&i feel sick so i'll go get rid of it.

xoxo

zette

9:21am

well i stayed under 500 yesterday. &why didn't i do this sooner? my food journal looks to pretty with "abc" written in it. i just woke up so there's not much to say. day 2 will be easy, i'm home alone as usual. rice cake&half a banana for breakfast. oh, i got up at 5:30am to run again. but my legs are shot so it turned into sort of a slow jog instead....then i walked home. so i'm only doing crunches today&i'm running again thursday night. i hate when i wear myself out. i don't mean to, i just get frustrated about how much i've eaten&when it's too late to purge i need to burn calories. this obsession is going to kill me someday. but hopefully i'll die skinny. shabam.

thinspo:

or:

i made it huge so you could see the fat white legs behind her. not a difficult choice. you can be the beautiful girl or the fatass next to her. ana is simple but i know it can be hard. all the shit that comes with losing more weight than some people choose to will be worth it. it's okay to be dizzy if you look good, right? hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

for the haters who are apparently still reading my blog, fuck off. i can only waste your time if you let me.

2:54pm

binged last night. dinner with the family. salad=fine. green beans=fine. steak=big no no. fuck fuck fuck. got home too late to get any exercise so i crashed. then my mother stuck around longer than i thought she would this morning. so i just got home from running. only ran about a mile&a half. lame, i know. i could have gone longer even though it's 100 degrees outside. but surprise was worn out after a mile. so i carried her the half mile back.now she's on my bed in front of the fan. but under a sheet, cause she's eternally snuggling. love that dog. anyways, my mother will be home around 6 but i'm hoping we'll go to the grocery store immediately so we can get things to make salsa. chips&salsa isn't awful. so dinner should be fine. lunch was skipped&there will be no snacking. breakfast was a banana&a rice cake. anyways, 100 degrees is a little warm for running. i get dizzy when i run in the heat. it's the same feeling i get sometimes when i stand up to fast&everything goes dark&fuzzy&my head hurts for a second or two. maybe weakness, maybe strength, depending on how you look at it. i'm prolly going to start abc soon. i forget who i was going to start it with. zette memory is terrible.

thinspo:

or:

just a little innocent comparison......but look who's snacking? unfortunately, not all of us can have perfect bodies&eat goldfish, too. stay strong, ladies.

xoxo

zette

9:08am

happy saturday, kiddos. half a serving of almond milk for breakfast - 20cals. sorry the reverse thinspo disappeared yesterday. damn disappearing pitchas. anyways, i'm out of the zero calorie sodas. boooo. so no more pictures of my giant collarbones. maybe i'll never win. cause when i'm fat, well...i'm fat...&then when i start losing weight i complain of a giant ribcage&big collarbones&hipbones that could be used as weapons. i'm pathetic. i was going to get up at 5:30 to run this morning but i forgot to set an alarm&i don't wake up that early on my own so i'll run tonight. i'd go now but it's so fucking hot outside i might keel over after a mile. oh, &i'm trying to catch up on emails. most of the haters' emails are sitting there still. i replied to a few. used my manners so i can pretend i would never sink to their level. but i would. i'm such a bitch. but you guys already know that. anyways if you emailed me&haven't gotten a reply this is my apology, i'm getting to it i swear. &keep them coming. ilovezette@yahoo.com

thinspo:

or:

personally, i don't want to see more curvy models. i prefer models to be something i dream of being, not something i already am&don't want to be. that's just my personal opinion. feel free to share yours, as always.

xoxo

zette

11:21am

buddy of mine told me he's "tired of diet zette." as if i'm a soda? oh boy. apparently i'm boring&flavorless now. which is fair cause over the past couple months i've been less of a bitch. i haven't been nicer. i just haven't gone out of my way as much to throw rude comments around. i just have no energy. seriously. it's not just after i go running or at the end of the day. it's as soon as i wake up. when i get in the shower, when i'm doing laundry, when i'm sitting on the floor putting makeup on. i want to go to bed&sleep for about a week. but i know i'd wake up tired. being tired all the time is just so....tiring? does that even make sense? i'm not sure. but it's getting old. i guess C will have to get used to diet zette cause unless i get fatter again i'll prolly be mellow for a while. no food=no energy but no food=smaller body. fair trade, don't you think? flavor today is kiwi strawberry.

 best necklace ever. i like owls. why does my neck look so weird?

thinspo:

or:

it's a good idea to invite your fat friends to take pictures with you. then even if your arms are flabby, at least you don't have fucking side boobs in comparison. gross. anyways, stay strong today. as always, email me if you need me.

xoxo

zette

3:20pm

so....got up at 5:30 this morning. stretched&did a few lunges&crunches&then went running just before 6. got back home after 7. i like being the first at the park. it's quiet. &here in my hometown it's 80 by sunrise&90 by 10am. 90degrees isn't fun to run in. sometimes i run at night but then i cramp up more. anyhow....i'm kind of in love with diet natural soda. sick of diet coke. the flavors are pretty good. flavor for today is peach.

thinspo:

or:

i can't get over beach pictures. they make me happy. i don't even like the beach. but the comparisons are fantastic. i wish the fatties would at least get a tan. don't require a tan, ladies. thin girls can be pale if they want to be. fatties can't. thin is a great accessory&i cannot wait to wear it.

xoxo

zette