10:58am

well, shit. wriggled out of doing algebra for quite a while but i'm going today. i'm watching "losing it with jillian". those who know me know i love love love jillian michaels. she's a badass. anyways, had half a wheat pancake&some kefir for breakfast. lunch will be half a cliff bar&dinner will be the other half or soup. gonna run my ass off tonight. i feel good today physically. i actually have energy. emotionally&mentally i'm completely drained. do nightmares do that to you, too? they wear me out. whatever.

thinspo:

or:

check out the pale chubster in the back. beefy arms are not cute. if you're going to have big arms at least work them out so there's some definition going on. fatties gross me out&lazy fatties piss me off.

xoxo

zette

10:21am

i've got to start getting up earlier. maybe i should find a job. besides being a stripper, cause if i behave myself properly then this body will not qualify. bony strippers don't get tips. anyway, i stumbled upon a blog i like alot. not many guys in our little world so i thought i'd share. http://mdzq.blogspot.com/ check it out.

well since i just woke up, (yes, posting for you guys is a priority) i'm empty. i'll get a glass of water&a rice cake when i get off here. or maybe a granola bar? hm..80 calories or 90 calories...maybe the rice cake&a banana. only allowing this much cause i'm going running later&i'll be doing all my workouts double today. man i'm lucky to have you guys. i don't always have the motivation to rid my body of this unnecessary cushion but your blogs&comments manage to get me going again. cheers for our little community.

thinspo:

or:

i always say "or" cause it is a choice. nobody made you fat but you. &nobody can make you skinny but you. so go for it. okay, i know the smaller girl isn't even that great of thinspo but i do love comparison. let's be small. stay strong, lovelies. &thanks so so so much for your support.

xoxo

zette

11:39am

good morning, kiddies. well, morning for me. i had half a cliff bar&some water for breakfast. 120 calories. maybe going to my brother's for algebra later. if not, skating to my sister's to swim with my niece. i miss my skateboard. it's sitting there in my closet. i haven't gone skating since i fell on my shoulder&chickened out. plus skating is for boys, or so i was told a thousand times. so....last night was fun. went with my family to a fireworks thing. there was a tallish water slide my niece wanted to go on. she's 4years old. but when it was her turn she got scared so i took off my shoes&gave my phone to my sister&went with her. my shorts were heavy&falling off the rest of the night. when the sun went down&the fireworks started it was great...except it was breezy. being pelted with fireworks debris made my legs itchy. but it was fun anyways. wore me out completely. or i thought it did. then i came home&energy came from nowhere. so i was up until 3 writing lyrics&playing piano. the little artist in me woke up. (okay i really didn't mean that to sound so creepy..)

19 days to lose weight before my sister gets here. although the place i eat is the same place i do all my exercises, they seem completely different. when i eat i turn everything off&usually sit on the floor. sometimes i get grossed out hearing myself chew&only get through half a meal. when i work out i have a tv show on or some loud music, like ke$ha or lady gaga. oops. i'm kind of all over the place today. sorry about that. my mind wanders.

thinspo:

or:

again, i made it huge so you guys can compare as heartlessly as i did. i wish i could be shorter. i feel as if even when i reach my goal weight&pass it, i'll always always always be a giant. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. skittles: puke the rainbow. for real. i opened a bag of skittles the other day&left them in my room. a big bag, mind you. i gave in&had a few&then purged. it was very colorful. my throat burns.

2:59pm

i guess ana hope is better than regular hope cause i'm feeling much better. a little tired but doing all my normal exercises. only two more hater emails left to reply to. funny how they have so much courage to stand up to me...anonymously. really? whatevz. i'm at around 200 calories for the day. 300 but i purged&i'd rather underestimate how much i got out. toothbrushes are so handy....wow, my brain is all over the place. my sister is driving down here on july 18. i have to lose weight by then. i will not be the fat sister.

thinspo:

or:

back fat alert. also, i'm addicted to all the "fitting in fail" pictures on epicfail.com...i can't even help myself. they make me smile. i'm a little bit evil, yeah? oh well. being judgmental isn't a compliment i suppose but it keeps me focused. stay strong today, lovelies, wherever you are.

xoxo

zette

p.s. not gonna lie, 215 crunches kicked my ass today. ouchh.

6:23pm

to put it plainly, i've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. clear? oh goody. okay, so i'm sick. had a sore throat yesterday&woke up today feeling all grody. not a big fan of being sick. but if i'm not going to help my immune system along by feeding my body then i suppose i should get used to it. to be fair, i can take vitamins. but i never seem to remember. so sick it is. hope you guys are doing better. also, can i just remind you how amazing you are? i'm not sure what i'd do without you guys. prolly talk to my cat. i'd be a crazy cat girl. yikes. thanks for being my saviors from that weird fate.

one of my friends, we'll call her chels, talks all the time about how fat she is&how much she wants to lose weight, etc. but when offered legit weight loss advice she said it was too hard&gave up after...wait for it....2 days. wow. the thing is, she actually is fat. so instead of getting "chels shut up you're not fat." she gets "i told you how to lose weight&you blew me off." i offered for her to come running with me in the mornings. but she doesn't like to run. of course she doesn't. she'd rather eat a fucking 400 calorie muffin for breakfast. luckily she's dramatic so once in a while she starves herself for attention. maybe if she gets really desperate she'll get skinny. fingers crossed, let the drama ensue.

thinspo:

or:

oh god. the fat friend strikes again. fat comes much faster than it leaves. hang in there, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:16pm

just had dinner. water&lemon for you curious ones. the party yesterday was alright. i had to leave early so i never even had to get in the pool. which is good cause i was having a fat day for real. check it out, i'm the one in the giant pink shirt.

yikes. flabby legs. isn't flabby a gross word? i think it is. &i think it suits me. i want to see more bones. my collarbones stick out no matter what i weigh&my ribs&hips show too but my back has a nasty layer of fat&my legs are huge.also, my arms have gone soft. they got bigger&my muscle ran away. can't starve&have muscle, i suppose. just means i'll have to be extra disciplined. which i am. but my goddamn family keeps me from my goals. sometimes i wish i could be alone with my disease. anybody else? just me? alright, i'm crazy. i know.

thinspo:

or:

before&afters can be painful. instead of ballooning, let's go backwards&shrink. i want to be small. &i'm guessing you want to be small. &since it's possible, we should go for it. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:25pm

algebra will be the death of me. it's lame being the stupid child in a family of geniuses. academically i'm a little...slow. goodbye summer. i'm sorry algebra had to break s up so soon. okay anyways, i can't do abc. i can do my best but i can't follow it. not with my mother bitching at me&my sister watching. sorry, kids. at the moment i'm watching hell's kitchen on hulu. they're serving food&i'm sipping water. home alone until this evening, then a birthday party. oh god. it's a pool party with "tons of food". i'm fucked. i'm not going to eat but i still look like a whale in a bikini. a beluga, cause of my pale skin. on the bright side, i'm going to my best buddy's house tonight. well, we were best buddies for quite a while. then we grew up. her family got better&my family got worse. pretty stoked to hang out with her though. &as a bonus, her family already knows i'm weird about food so they won't make me eat. i might get a talk but no calories necessary. pretty swell setup. i'm going to reply to all your emails&then clean my room. should take plenty of time&then i'll be off to the party. cheers.

random thinspo:

or:

well...if you want to be thinner you'd better skip dinner. stay strong today, ladies. i'd write more but i just finished a blackberry-banana-almond milk smoothie&i feel sick so i'll go get rid of it.

xoxo

zette