1:30pm

got my ass out of bed before 10. go me. didn't sleep a whole lot last night. maybe the caffeine in the starbucks drink last night (which i drank half of&purged immediately, like a good little girl). i think all the chaos in my head is finally situating itself. which is good, because i'm fucking insane right now. shocker, right?

dramatic friend pissed me off. alsooo, i wish people who can't understand wouldn't pretend to. it's not like they're going to get it. but they act like they totally understand&it's bullshit.

whatever. i have you guys. i'm glad i do. you guys are great&you always make me smile. thanks for the sweet comments&emails. they mean alot.

xoxo

zette

7:15pm

home alone. just me&all this food. i moved all my sister's snacks to the kitchen, since i only go in there for water. nothing for dinner. lots of frozen veggies to make if i need to, though. had a tiny truffle earlier. felt bad so i purged&then danced around my room til i started sweating, &it's super cold in my house. goodbye, calories.

i'm watching csi&i'm creeped out. i don't usually get creeped out but lately i'm pretty jumpy. &nightmares are getting worse. &i'm cutting more. but no worries. it'll be okay.

so, still trying to figure out how to fast without people noticing. especially when i used to pig out on junk food with my sister. &she keeps buying ramen by the box. sometimes i wish i could just live alone. just me&my music&a fridge full of water bottles. wouldn't it be great? i think so.

on another note, people are ignoring me lately..? some, not all. i guess i've been meaner than i meant to be. i can be sort of a bitch sometimes. even to myself. which comes in handy when i set my eyes on something like weighing 115. i know i can do it. &i will do it. &i'll finally be beautiful.

xoxo

zette

9:57am

started the day doing my favorite exercises 3 times. plus kickbacks, my butt is a lil jiggly since i don't run as much anymore. i need to get new running shoes, my sister stole mine&wears them to work. i'd steal them back, but starbucks is grosssss. old milk on them..don't want them back.

anyhow, 2 eggs for breakfast, avacado sandwich for lunch, (1/2 avacado, 1 slice whole wheat bread, 1/2 tomato), &i'm not sure about dinner. i might just skip it. so..water

made a deal with a certain friend that i'd drop this eating obsession in 9 months. now that i've got her off my back, i just have to keep my mouth shut. it's hard to not talk about food&weight when it's in the front of my mind all the time. anybody else have trouble with that? i have to keep myself from checking calories when i'm with other people.

oh well. venting over. i can do this. i'm already doing it. i'll be thin. i'll be small. i'll be beautiful.

thinspo for your monday:

or you can stick with:

think thin&stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

9:55am

good morning. 21 degrees so far. lots of windows in my room so it's colddd. i have 5 blankets on my bed (+an electric blanket under the sheet)&i still get cold at night. oh well. it's not usually this cold here, so it should warm up soon. makes me want to go tanning. hah.

anyhow, empty stomach so far.

40 lunges (left&right each)

30 squats

30 plies

40 heel lifts

30 crunches

30 pushups (girl, i can't do guy ones)

&i'll do it over again later. ghetto cause i don't have a gym membership. maybe that's what i should ask for as a birthday gift? hm..it's still over a month away.

should be easy to fast today. my mom will be home as she has no car at the moment, &my sister will be home around 6:30, then i'm chillin with some friends. so my dog&my sister's puppy will eat alot of food for me today. gotta love them.

my buddy saw me at the store&told me i'm getting bony. i'm not but it made me smile anyways. also, my dramatic friend has agreed to restrain herself from posting on my blog. she'll still be reading but there'll be no whining, at least on here. i'm sure she'll call to yell once in a while. for once i'm glad there are miles between us.

wow, am i rambling or what? sorry. stay strong, lovelies.

thinspo for your day:

or:

sure helps me avoid the kitchen.

xoxo

zette

8:54pm

so the weather bites. it's supposed to be a little above freezing tomorrow though. hopefully warm enough to thaw out the hot water heater, having no hot water sucks.

didn't eat much today. &what i did eat i brought right back up. water makes purging so much easier, especially if i take a drink between bites. i've decided this way is easier than restricting as much as i can&letting my stomach shrink. this way is easier to hide, &hiding it is important right now. see, if i didn't care about hiding it i'd lose weight faster, but people would find out&then think i want attention&i hate that. i hate it because once someone thinks you're doing something for attention, it's next to impossible to change their mind, even if they're wrong.

anyhow, still haven't weighed myself&i prolly won't post it on here cause my dramatic friend is still lurking&she'll get mad if i manage to get underweight.

hope you're all doing well&staying warm, wherever you are. stay strong, lovelies.

thinspo for your dreams:

or:

never ever. sleep empty, sleep sweet.

xoxo

zette

7:30pm

sorry for being super lame. i'm good now...i think.

anyhow, mostly fruit&veggies, then my sister&i did a gazillion lunges&squats&push ups&heel lifts&crunches, etc. good times.

this whole having to pee a million times a day is annoying, but better to be full of water than food, right? running out of tic tacs...i see a trip to wal mart in the near future.

anyways, fuck stupid people who worry to much. i want what i want&i'm stubborn enough to keep going.

 thinspo for the lot of you:

or:

still hungry?? i didn't think so

think thin. stay strong. you'll be perfect.

xoxo

zette

10:24am

good morning. i start school on the 19th so i've still got some free time.

no plan right now. prolly just going to have to get fatter until my dramatic friend knocks it off. not happy with her right now.

but no worries, i'll figure it out. i always do. i just can't post it on here when i do, cause i'm pretty sure my dramatic friend is bent on making me a fatass.

whatever. think thin, stay strong, it'll be okay.

xoxo

zette