10:19am

home alone until 4ish. went grocery shopping last night&my mom got random stuff for me that i used to like. including chef boyardee minibites. since she got dinosaurs, i pick out 3 of the same kind at a time. so..

breakfast- 24 dinosaurs&16oz of water

lunch- 24 dinosaurs&16oz of water

dinner- whatever my mom makes, then what's left inside me after i purge.

random thinspo: 

 or:

 someone told the fat ones their dresses would be slimming. sure. but those arms need to be either hidden or chopped off. &sorry for spacing on you guys. just been a rough couple of days. you guys are the best. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

11:46am

or:

stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

2:22pm

my mom is pissed at me about my grades. she keeps telling me i should at least try. i feel too shitty to tell her i'm doing my best. i've barely lost any weight even though i'm working so hard at it. since i've been frustrated i've been avoiding people, so quite a few people are mad at me. then on the way home from the sleepover, i didn't want to go home yet. so C drove down a road so we could talk a bit more. there was a dog out, we kept driving. then we turned around&a guy on a motorcycle had hit the dog. C is medically trained so she stopped to check out the biker&i checked out the dog. it was breathing&still had a pulse but it's mouth was bleeding so i shut its eyelids&waited until it was still. the guy dislocated his shoulder&broke his kneecap (we think). so we held his hand&talked about all the pins on his vest until the ambulance got there. then i came home&cut&burned my ribs so i wouldn't cry. i just got home from taking surprise for a long walk in the park. the weather is nice. sort of ironic to me because my day is a shitfest so far.

fuckfuckfuck. today is stupid.

i'll post thinspo later or tomorrow. i'm taking a sleeping pill&pretending this stuff never happened. then i'm going to party my ass off tonight. oh so responsible. hope your day is going better. is it? stay strong, lovelies. never never never give up.

xoxo

zette

7:02pm

leaving in  a bit for a sleepover with a few friends. i feel like i'm in 6th grade again. i'm sure all we'll talk about is boys. i'm so ridiculously excited...i can barely contain myself. can you tell? oh brother. i don't even want to go. why do i make silly promises? why do i have to keep my silly promises? well, that's just me i suppose.

thinspo for you&me:

or:

i cannot stress this enough, darlings. we cannot be the fat friend. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

10:32pm

i don't know about you, but i need some thinspo to sleep on. i feel disgusting

aforementioned pitchas:

or:

yikes. when you're fat, there is no such thing as a little black dress for you.

stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:19pm

okay kids, thinspo is on its way. finished school around 11:15 but had to babysit. alsooo, i'm officially on spring break. anybody have exciting plans for the break? i don't. probably just parties.

so, thinspo as promised:

or:

yikes. step away from the refrigerator. unless you're getting water. then you get kudos. kudos&water, 2 for 1 special. go you.

xoxo

zette

7:23am

currently i am 2 pounds lighter. i'm pretty stoked about this.

also, i asked my madre 20 minutes ago if she could run to the store for tampons. right now she's still busy cooking breakfast. maybe if she were more considerate she'd be less of a fatass. rude&stereotypical, but i do not like my mother. she's never been a good friend, much less a good parent. she'll tell you a great sob story about raising 5 kids alone. but really she raised 4. i'm the youngest&since everyone moved out she dove into piano&never looked up to see what i'm up to. so mommy doesn't know who i am. it's convenient. i like it this way but i do not like her as a person. kapeesh? selfish selfish selfish. aren't we all?

weekend retreat 26th-28th. on a beach. i know my friends&no matter how cold it ends up being, we will be in the water. in swimsuits. have i explained to you how awful i look in my bikini? tshirt&shorts, thank you very much. i'm nervous. crazy nervous. i wrote a 2 1/2 page essay last night&came close to writing about self perception all over again to talk about what a fatass i am. but i didn't. i stuck to the story. it's about interracial relationships.

did i mention i've been reading as many ana (or anaish) books as possible? i last got 7 from the library, 2 were on marine biology so my mom wouldn't ask about the others. if she does, it's for a school project. shabam, what a totally fucking original lie, right? haha.

because i'm avoiding the shit i don't want to deal with, i'm in a good mood. had a bowl of bran flakes with 1/4 banana in it. lunch will be apple sauce&a couple animal crackers. dinner will be olives&saltines. tons of water in between. i'll be posting comments later, but i have been reading your blogs. i only post when i have something i'd like to say, mind you. kapeesh? sorry. i like the word. my favorite word is coyote. (pronounced the best way 'ky-oh-tee'). my second favorite is shabam, then bungalow, then yet, then kapeesh. i like words. i'm getting off before i say anything more idiotic than that.

i'll post thinspo when i'm out of school. until then, stay strong, lovelies. you guys are the best for holding me up when i fall on my ass.

xoxo

zette