January 17, 2011

12:22pm

a bit depressed, a lot sick. in other words, feeling like shit inside&out. i'm not even sure why i'm so sad. i mean as usual part of it has to do with the nasty figure i see in the mirror. but why am i crying&cutting like a little emo girl again? i dunno. i'm sorry i disappeared. i know i'm incredibly selfish. i am trying though. i woke up this morning with a sore throat&an everythingache. my kitten spinolio jumped on me to say good morning&i shoved her off because it hurt. yes, i'm an evil bitch who shoves kittens. the sucky part is that we don't have insurance so i can't just make a doctor's appointment&get drugs to feel better. i get to sit at home&drink super healthy juice&wait it out. fuck today. but i promised so i'll post one&post some more next time i get the chance.
ewwws.

thinspo:
or:
why would a skinny cover up her tiny legs? i don't know, either. but i do know i look more like the giant in the black halter dress. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. i'll finish emails later, i'm going back to bed.

January 13, 2011

12:31pm

okay, i'ma be honest. i took lots of pictures of me in my new clothes. but then i went through them&i hate them all. maybe it makes me a coward but i do not want to post them. i will tomorrow. sorry i've been gone, i've been sickish. blah. but i'm feeling a bit better today, &this made me smile today. i had to edit it to make it fit in the post but i think you can still read it.

i said it as a joke but then i remembered that last time we hung out we had a discussion about calories. i explained my daily workout, &she said i needed 2000cals a day at least. ewwws. she can't help it. she's a trainer. her job is to make people healthy. &i know she actually thinks i'm skinny because this chick is allergic to lying. i love her to pieces, for real.

thinspo:
 or:
cheers for smiles with chubby friends. one of my chubby friends is having a birthday party friday. i'f there are any good pictures i'll post them. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. it sucks that i leave for 2 1/2 weeks only to come back&find that 3 of my favs on blogger are leaving. boohoo. all my love to rachael, abbi, &les(s)lie.

January 11, 2011

11:46pm

okay, so colorado. it was fantastic. the cliff dwellings were kind of interesting. christmas morning i got a sugar-free red bull&my sister got a regular one. she said "are you on a diet? cause i will ruin it." i laughed&said i'd never go on a diet, that i liked the taste better. other things we did..hm...manicures&pedicures. neon pink toenails&fingernails. even the boys had mani/pedi time. we went on the cave of the winds tour. i pulled my phone out&laughed at myself for thinking i'd have cell service that far underground. listening to michael jackson in the mall made me miss his crazy existence. we went on the old cog railroad tour that goes up to pikes peak but we only went partway up on account of all the snow. then we got in our cars&couldn't drive down the hill without sliding off the side. so a guy in his little truck plowed the road for us. sweet citizens. my brother-in-law's tahoe hates the cold, so the speedometer was either at 100 or 0 most of the time.
lots of fat jokes were made. i know they didn't mean them, but they still upset me for some reason. on new years eve i had 7 drinks at 3.2% alcohol which = a drunk zette. we went to lots of restaraunts. i got salads almost every time, claimed it was the easiest thing to clean out of my braces. mostly got away with it. on night at a steak place though the whole table made fat jokes so i purged in the bathroom. i purged once outside, it was nasty, as purging outdoors always is. we southerners shivered a little when the weather said "sunny, feels like -7". sissies.
it was snowing the day i flew home so it was a pretty bumpy plane ride. i sat in the middle of a 3-seat row next to a creepy guy. a fat woman walked up&indicated that she had the window seat. we both moved into the aisle so she could sit down. i gave the creepy guy a wide-eyed look&he understood, "will she fit?", so he seemed less creepy. i touched down at the airport&it was friggin snowing in my hometown. so i brought colorado home with me. the snow was mostly melted when i got up, but i thought it was pretty anyway. don't make fun of my sleepy photography skillz.
this is getting long. apologies, ladies. i'll post pictures of myself soon, since i got tons of new clothes. but i gained 4lbs on the trip&i'd like to make sure i'm rid of them first. i'm sure you understand. i really did miss all of you&if i wasn't feeling sick i would catch up on all your blogs tonight. also, to noface, holy shit, you read my whole blog? kudos to you. lots of mindless posts you got through. anyway, on to the good stuff.

thinspo:
or:
skinny vs. average. easy choice, hard to maintain. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. it's windy. the wind creeps me out big time. fingers crossed for no nightmares tonight.

January 9, 2011

10:56pm

plane touched down around 4:30pm today. i'm fucking exhausted. but zette's back, bitches. explanatory post tomorrow, pinky promise.

thinspo:
or:

these ladies are my age. let's just compare the two blondes in the middle. skinny on the left, not so skinny on the right. actually, i'd like to judge the brunette to the right. ewwwwws. stay strong today/tonight/whatever, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. holy fucking hell i missed you!!

December 23, 2010

12:26pm

yes, i'm posting in the PM instead of AM. slept for 12 hours. oops. but i'm awake. which is good, because as a master procrastinator, i have a shitton of packing to do. oh right, the questions.

what is your crunches routine? i do 200 with my legs crossed&held in the air in the morning, same before bed in the evening except it's 250. so 450 a day.

Where do you get all your thinspo? two places. facebook or lookbook. for facebook, i go to a friend's profile&pick a friend of theirs that i don't know. then i creep around their pictures for thinspo&reverse. lookbook is just for thinspo, i click on "new" &scroll down until i've found three ladies who are skinny enough. i try not to use pictures i've seen used before.

What started all of this for you? Is there a story behind it? Also: how long have you been doing it? my mother told me i could stand to lose weight four years ago. so i did. then i'd gain it back. then lose it again. so on&so forth for the past four years. which kind of makes me sad because i see what little progress i've made in that ginormosaurus amount of time.

Do you get sad or happy when people start worrying about your weight? depends on who it is, honestly. if it's one of my close buddies, i get a little sad, because i don't want anyone to worry. but if it's simply someone who is bigger than i am, happy for sure. i try to hide my weight loss though, because it's just for me. i don't like when i get attention for it because it's usually negative, honestly.

Are you really anorexic? i'm gonna say no. because i chose it. people on the outside looking in say that i am. just people in my life, i mean. but it's just a way that i've chosen to lose weight. i needed structure, i found it, &i'm not going to give it up.

what do you think about purging?? i hate that i like it. it's bad bad bad. i know it is. it just gives me an excuse to eat more&not have to suffer the consequences. but it does come in handy when i'm at a family dinner, forced to eat normal portions, &haven't allowed for it that day. but i also forced myself to stop for 2 weeks when i started spitting blood. so if you're thinking of starting, please don't. it's so hard to stop. you're welcome to use laxatives but since the calories are already absorbed it's not the same. if you don't want it in you, don't eat it.

what are you going to do when you can't lose anymore weight? cut off my legs. they must weigh a lot.

Why the hell are you encouraging normal people to be sick like you? none of my followers, that i know of, started losing weight because of me. i know some of them look to me for encouragement (&lets be honest, for comedic relief sometimes) but i don't scout out healthy people&teach them to live the way i do. i don't see anything wrong with encouraging people who hate their bodies to change that. that said, i'm sorry if i ever caused anyone to second-guess their security because of what they read here. this is my blog. it's on the internet. anybody can find it, &anybody can walk away from it.

do you think you are physically healthy? physically, sure. i'm not underweight or anything. when something goes wrong, i correct it. when i get tired&dizzy i grab emergen-c&put it in my water bottle. when blood comes up with my food, i give my throat a break. i know that 600cals a day isn't normal, but i don't want to be normal. but for now yes, my body is, unfortunately, perfectly healthy.

 what would you do if someone forced you to recover? if by recover you mean get fat, that would suck. but nobody can force me to change the way i think. i think i could give this up if i wanted to, but why the bloody hell would i want to?

What am I going to do without you for 17 days? email me.  ilovezette@yahoo.com or text if you're in the U.S.

Are you actually the fattest sister or do you just think you are? well how should i know? i weigh less than my sister who is 3 inches shorter than i am. but i swear she just...looks better. maybe because our legs are the same length so my long torso makes me look bigger? i don't know. they just make me feel like a whale. all 3 of them.

dont you think its sick that girls are trying to fight anorexia and you are clinging to it? i'm not anorexic. but i hope those girls get better, because they want to get better. i don't want the whole world to lose weight. just the people who want to.

what is your favorite zero-calorie drink? the 'sparkling water beverage' at target. they come in different flavors&at 69cents for a 33.8oz bottle, i can afford them. go look for them in the section with the water.

How the crap do you handle all the haters? haters will hate. i answer their questions&if they won't listen to kind logic&keep being rude, i ignore them. i don't have to let anyone bring me down. i don't have that good of a cap on my temper face to face though. C can tell you. i broke his nose when i was 15. i have a bad habit of not apologizing, too. i'm sweet if you're sweet to me though.

How old are you? i'd rather not say. you're welcome to guess though. i just don't like putting my age because when i see someone's age, i automatically think of them a certain way.

What do you weigh, O secretive one? that's a secret. i post my pictures instead of numbers. i hope that's okay.

well i'm glad some of you guys actually asked questions. even though most of you are shy&emailed them in. silly girls. time for thinspo, &since i'll be gone for so long, i decided to add extra for you. i didn't count them&i'm sorry i couldn't find more reverse but i've really got to get ready to go, since we leave early tomorrow morning.


thinspo:
or:
fatty in the black or skinny in the black? hmm.
not a fan of the fairy dresses but can i have legs that size(on the left of course)? thanks.
 hi blondie. you make your friend look fat. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo
zette
p.s. be back in 17 days. email me please while i'm away. about anything. really. sofia&i had a whole conversation about vitamins. ilovezette@yahoo.com