1:11pm

mmm, it's monday. i start my two classes this wednesday. really hoping my teachers like me. hopefully i'll have tons of homework, thus more sleeping, thus less time awake, suspiciously avoiding food. i don't fast often. so long as i keep days under 500 cals, fasting just seems like an unnecessary stomachache.

anyhow, organic cereal&half a banana with 1/3 cup whole milk for breakfast. V&i did all our exercises, &i'll do them again...&again&again after my mom leaves. chocolate chip cookies are hiding in the kitchen. i will not touch them. though if i do, 100 pushups will help me not to next time. V said i have small arms. happy happy happy me. i disagree of course, but lies are sweet sometimes.

my birthday is next month. not sure what i want to do. if my dramatic friend hadn't stopped me, i'd be done with abc by then. stupid stupid stupid. i'm not actually mad at her. just in a bad mood cause i'm cramping like crazy. good excuses to skip meals though. i think i'll take the dogs to the park lately. maybe let them off leash by accident....surprise loves that.

anyways, thanks for the emails. they're super sweet.

thinspo to kick off your week? yes:

or:

yikes. let's shrink, shall we? stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

7;13pm

just got home from seeing sherlock holmes. good movie. smell of popcorn made me feel a little sicky though. got a slush at sonic before the movie. of course, no outside food or drink is allowed. but i told them i'm diabetic. so they let me go. i didn't drink even half of it, mind you. i made sure to share.

anyhow, time to stretch for leg lifts. convinced my mom i filled up on popcorn so dinner wasn't a problem. oh the lies we lie. an art in its own way, don't you think? &in the end we'll be the prettiest artists ever.

thinspo for your dreams, whenever they come:

or:

her face is fine. but the rest is ew.

think thin, lovelies, &stay strong.

xoxo

zette

9:08am

confession time. i fasted until like 8:30pm yesterday. then V&i went to my sister B's house&of course we had tacos&then ice cream. luckily, my braces excused me enough time to purge. still broke my fast, but not a big fuckup.

black coffee for breakfast (still getting used to the taste), along with lots of water. don't really have a plan at the moment. just getting by eating as little as i can get away with. i haven't weighed myself still. only cause i don't think i've lost much, &i'm feeling okay right now; i don't want to screw it up.

i've gotta run. think thin, stay strong. you can do it. &remember, if you get stuck in a binge cycle, don't beat yourself up for it. it happens to everybody once in a while. just get back up&keep going.

xoxo

zette

8:46am

had an okay day yesterday. had a bite of lamb curry at lunch, then some fruit cause V&i went to a baby shower about dinnertime. it was kind of fun, we cracked wire hanger abortion jokes in the kitchen while all the people who like babies were in the living room.

anyhow, i'm not sure how much i'll be posting. our computer is sicko (virus) so i'm putting my itunes on cd's cause when my brother 'fixes' it, it'll be basically a new computer. boo. already tried removing tons of programs, scanning it&then removing more stuff, using trojan removers&all that. my brother is in school to be an electrical engineer so he answers all our computer questions. smarty pants.

started the day with yelling. my mom woke me up by standing in m doorway&yelling at me to clean up. i dunno if i've said this before, but i really hate being yelled at. hate hate hate it. i can take all that she says if she says it normally, but when she yells..ughh. i've been all bummed out since last night, when i cried about nothing. nothing at all. just cried. for an hour. seriously? i'm not a big cryer lately, but that was a ridiculous sobfest last night. whatever. still have that clingy sad feeling today. oh well.

fasting to make myself feel better. if i slip up, it's 100 pushups added on to the ones i already to every day. they wear me out like crazy. stay strong, ladies. it'll get better.

thinspo weekender-legs:

or:

my thighs don't touch right now, but if they ever do again i'll cut them til they don't. i kid, but i really do hate my legs mucho.

xoxo

zette

10:30pm

waiting for V to get home from work. going with her to work tomorrow, to sit at starbucks&go shopping, it's only a 4 hour shift. then we're going to her coworker's baby shower. yuck.

i've behaved myself okay today. purge purge purge. plus 100 pushups to remind myself not to eat next time.

eating habits. just thinking about them. little things, like the way fatasses get the next bite to their lips before they even finish chewing. &the way small bites seem a waste of time. it's gross. not ladylike at all. (i say this sitting crisscross applesauce in athletic shorts&a huge tshirt. i'm just SO girly.)

anyhow, working on keeping my days below 1000 calories. once i've got that normal, i can go down to 700&then 500. nervous about hiding it though. yikes. but no worries. i can do it. 

elyse sewell is so small...thinspo for your dreams:

or:

gross. just sleep on an empty stomach. that's all ana would ask tonight.

xoxo

zette

10:34am

my sister&i drove 2 hours to a city south of here last night, got home around 2am. visited my sister (who is super skinny) &her fiance. had a pretty good conversation on the way home. she's still asleep.

anyhow, got calories out of the energy drinks it took to stay awake, &whatever was in the super healthy tasteless soup we had at my other sister's house after babysitting.

i guess the whole sister think is confusing so i'll give them initials. V lives with me&her husband is in afghanistan. B lives in the town 2 hours south of here with her fiance (&a cat named meatballs, cause their neighbor has a dag named spaghetti). B is married with 2 kids. S is my brother. better?

alright. well i'm gonna make an egg&leave the pan dirty. the whole 'let's not&say we did' thing is coming in handy. surprise likes eggs. i'm glad she's not a picky eater.

my house is freezing. i mean i know some of you guys have it way colder, but it doesn't usually get very cold here at all. so i'm a sissy about it. my fatass mother, of course, is never cold.

thinspo for thursday:

or ew:

Publish Post

not in a thousand years.

xoxo

zette

3:32pm

oh boy. new music makes me happy. i won't say "music is my life", because it isn't. but it's a big part of it. from sitting around playing guitar to writing lyrics that i'll never get around to putting music to, to listening to music for hours without getting bored. i think i like that there are no rules.

sooo my sister is pretty annoying today. well, she's prolly not acting differently. i'm just in a bitchy mood. supposed to babysit our niece&nephew with her later. i might not. i don't like babysitting&it doesn't help when i'm in such a bad mood. p.s. babies&pregnant people are ew.

on to the food. except not really. i feel gross today. let's see...50 exercises each instead of 30 each? that should make me feel better. yes, i think it will.

thinspo for your wednesday:

or there's always:

stay strong. think pretty. think thin. think perfect.

xoxo

zette