10:09pm

my one wish? an apple. but it's not allowed. i want these fucking braces off. the only good thing about having them is that i have plenty of excuses. my braces feel tighter, my jaw hurts, i have cuts on my tongue, i cut my cheek on a bracket, i don't have a toothbrush&floss with me, etc. most of them work every time. fortunately, alot of my buddies think i just don't like to eat in front of people so they don't always bug m about it. but other than that, my mom is more observant now than she has been in my whole life. when i was a kid, (i say this like i'm not a kid anymore) i climbed up on the banister at the library in dallas&walked on it. fall to the left, about 3 feet. fall to the right, i'd beat the elevator to the first floor. somebody else brought me to my mother. but now she's noticing oh-so-innocently everything i eat. seriously? she wants to be my parent now that i'm grown up. it's a big difference from when i was 12-15years old when i was home about 10 hours a day. i miss that.

wow, i'm whiny today. sorry. wrote my essay. it's on a story by lucy grealy, who had cancer in her jaw so she had to deal with a fucked up face her whole life. cuhrayzee. so the essay was on self perception&all that. sheesh.

thinspo for you guys:

or:

god. her enemy told her to pose, her friend told her to wear the disguising sunglasses.

swimsuit season is coming up quickly. too quickly, maybe. i'm stoked but nervous about how i look in a bikini. especially with all these scars. oh well.

stay strong, lovelies. you'll be tiny in no time.

xoxo

zette

9:39am

i know i said i would post thinspo last night&didn't. sorry guys. i just fucked up the test&got stressed out so i shut the computer down, did all my exercises, &went to bed. i didn't sleep well at all. gahh these are just excuses. i fucking hate myself right now. i just need to change. i can't make myself more intelligent, but i can make myself thinner. btw you guys are the greatest. your comments&emails help so much.

overdue thinspo:

or:

yikes. by the way, this came off a site called "young fat and fabulous". i highly doubt a skinny chick named it that. in every fatass there is a skinny person who longs to be on the front lines. let's find our skinnies. hmm..creepier than intended. whatever. stay strong, lovelies.

oh&i drank a ton of water&my cramps were alot better, thanks.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i want to dye my hair red now. wonder why? but i won't. i'm okay with these mousy brown waves for now.

9:37am

do you guys get worse cramps when you've been fasting? cause mine aren't usually too bad but today...well...fuck. i feel like my insides want to be on my outside. it feels like something very angry in my stomach is trying to claw its way out. midol isn't helping. usually i do all my workouts at least once a day but unless i feel better soon there's no fucking way. &i have an economics test to do today. fuck fuck fuck.

i hate today. hear that, friday? i fucking hate you.

i'll post thinspo later. sorry for the complaining.

xoxo
zette

8:13pm

watching the biggest loser. i don't know about you guys, but i wish i had a jillian michaels to keep in my pocket to yell at me. that would rock.

fasting today has gone fine so far. i think this will motivate me to lose alot more weight. i love fasting. i love being in control&i love this feeling.

hope you guys have had an awesome day so far. stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

6:21pm

well yesterday sucked. huge binge. &i gained a pound. boo fucking hoo.oh well. all i've had today is juice&crackers&that's all i'll have. went running at the park for a while.

last night sucked. what happened? well i weighed myself&was thoroughly disappointed to find a bigger number than last time. fuck fuck fuck.so i burned my ribs (i know i should stop cutting&burning but i don't want to so shut it). anyways, fell asleep upset so i had crazy nightmares. &so goes an evening in the life of zette. (pronounced "set" for those who asked)

i'm kind of jealous of short people&the way they ease into double digits. i'll prolly always be above 100. gross, but just being realistic. i guess i should just accept that i'm stuck at 5'7". oh boy. i am looney.

practiced piano alot today. the art of noise. oh, &as usual.

thinspo for you:

or:

yikes. just short of cankles. &the straps in the back cutting into her back just don't look cute.

let's not let ourselves be fat. excuse me, 'curvy'. that's the right term, right?

whatever it's called, it's not pretty. so stay strong, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'm trying to catch up on your blogs, i'm just super stressed&busy. excuses, excuses, i know, &i'm sorry.

4:50pm

i can't help myself. i just had to post these.

umm, those pounds don't hide very well.

it's just watermelon but still. is it any surprise which ones are holding food?

omg i think the chick in yellow is about to eat her..yes?

kool kids eat chikin. but pretty ones do not. i wonder which one eats at chikfila the most?

think thin, lovelies. stay strong for me, okay?

xoxo

zette

2:16pm

i've decided that starving is safer. after all, people choke on food every day. food is dangerous. deadly. &people die from complications from obesity. man we are smarties for filling ourselves only with air.

 also, i was chatting with my buddy on facebook who i used to practically live with. so she notices things like my frequent headaches&being tired&my lack of appetite. we chatted about other things for a while before she had to run. she ended with "go eat something."&signed off. cue tears. maybe not tears, but the choked up feeling.

another also, another friend who noticed a while back made me promise to stop in....8 months i think we agreed on. well it's much easier to agree to that than to deny it. so in 8 months, i will lose the trust&respect of a friend. no way i'm quitting on ana.

feeling motivated today. fuck you, huge platter of chinese new year candy. i'm not touching you.

thinspo for you&me:

or:

sucks to be the fatass. i hate going shopping with fat friends. i'm usually blunt as far as honesty goes. so there's no way i can tell A that anything looks good on her, except maybe a snuggie. gag. stay strong, lovelies. let's make the whole world jealous of our beautiful bones.

xoxo

zette