11:42am

breakfast was 200 calories but i purged so...i dunno. lunch is a big fat question mark cause i'll be at the mall with my sister's B&C&my niece&nephew. should be an interesting day. especially cause it's rainy&windy. i'll prolly wear a loose skirt&tshirt with converse. feeling fat today. (as usual, but more so on this particular friday)

depending on what i have for lunch, i'll prolly double my little workout tonight. &i'll go running even though i have zero endurance when sick. i'll just have to deal with it.

thinspo:

or:

that, darling, is the difference between ana&average. let's not be average, eh? let's be small. no one wants to take up any extra space. ew. stay strong today, lovelies, &i'll do the same. we can do it.

xoxo

zette

9:19am

been a little out of it. i suppose that could be partly cause i'm sick. i've kept my calories fairly low but i haven't felt up to much exercise (except 200-250 crunches) so i haven't lost any weight. i'm tempted to eat normally until i kick this sickness but i'd rather be achy for a few extra days than gain anything, i think. cause i feel huge. is this how obese people feel all the time? like they won't fit somewhere? like they should wear loose black all the time to hide everything? i hate this. no, i don't have the energy to hate much of anything right now. but i definitely don't like it. the last time i cried it was cause i'm fat. i don't want to be this big anymore. it's disgusting. &i'm extremely jealous of you shorties. i've never measured but i'm told i'm 5'8" &that just adds to feeling big. so to you little 5'5"s &under, just know that i'm jealous.

rambling quite alot lately. since i screwed up so bad on the last economics class i'm not sure if i'll pass the class. 100's on the homework but it's not enough to forgive my quiz&test scores. fuck. my mother will murder me. in other news, maybe partying this weekend. it'd be fun to spend the day wandering around downtown talking to crazy strangers. maybe go to jimmy's little voodoo shop&say hello. then party my ass off the way i used to. maybe that would get me out of this weird mindset i'm stuck in. i'm rambling again, so i'll quit now.

thinspo:

or:

good move on avoiding a string bikini, fatty. it would have been lost for eternity in your rolls. okay little ladies, i'm off to comment on your blogs. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

3:30pm

oh boy. monday was bloody awful but today is going a little better. late breakfast was a salad&juice=150 calories. lunch is spinach&a piece of tilapia=160 cals. dinner....not sure yet.

i'm glad i'm in a better mood. i hit lows suddenly&i am not a nice person. so cheers for wearing a smile again. okay remember kids, food is armless&dangerous. enough to keep your organs functioning&no more. kapeesh? of course. you guys already know all this. you guys are the best. to those who gained a little over the weekend, don't worry about. you can lose it again&lose more after it. just use it for motivation.

thinspo:

 

or:

for once, a before&after. holy shit. i'm gonna go refill my water bottle&find an episode of the biggest loser to watch. stay strong today, lovelies. you'll be just fine.

xoxo

zette

1:54pm

buried my mom's cat. i hate the way death is so clingy. it's like it lingers on my fingertips even after i scrub my arms&toss my clothes in the washing machine. i feel tainted. i feel like i should be drenched in hand sanitizer before i hold my niece. she'll be 4 in july. she's so small&happy&innocent. she's the best tiny friend.

also, i'm sick. tonsils are swollen&i have a headache. we all know my inability to keep food down isn't a symptom of that though. i'm taking all my vitamins&drinking lots of water&juice so i can get better. i'd get better faster if i ate but i don't want to. i don't want to gain.

boo being fat. boo being sick. boo having an economics test to do that i'm just going to fail. boo holding my mom's 13year old kitty til there's no pulse&then setting her in a hole in the back yard. boo monday in general. moody pieces of me aside, i promised i'd post thinspo for you little ladies.

so, thinspo:

or:

i'm in a shitty mood. i'm going back to bed. stay strong today. baby steps, remember? one day at a time. let's be small.

xoxo

zette

8:36pm

just got home. the beach was fine, blah blah blah. weekend calorie intake was 600-800. i'll have to google a couple things i'm not sure about&take out what i purged. but prolly around 700. i was in shorts&a tank top most of the time&i was freeeeezing. the weather was fine, 70-75ish but i was so cold. but now i'm home in leggings&jeans&2 shirt&a hoodie&i'm warmish. ish ish ish. oh the first morning for breakfast was eggs, fruit salad, &sausage, i cut up the sausage so i could have everything in groups of 3. apparently this is pretty amusing cause a few people noticed&told everyone else just for giggles. i told them "i just like to keep everything separate". liar liar pants on fire. oh boy.

i've gotta finish writing this stupid essay so i'll post thinspo later tonight or in the morning. i'll get caught up on your blogs tomorrow, pinky promise. i missed you guys alot. ferrealz. my ana buddy was alot of help. if you don't have an ana buddy you should get one. mine is the best ever.

xoxo

zette

7:21am

leaving this afternoon at 4:30 to meet up, climb aboard buses, &drive to the beach. i live about 5 hours away from the nearest beach so i don't go often. my passionate distaste for sand&fish shit keeps me away, too. plus the whole swimsuit thing (you know, the fact that i look terrible in one). so it'll be an interesting weekend. planning on taking a few of my own low calorie snacks so i can avoid the food there as i'm sure they'll be watching me eat.

more immediately, i have to go to school soon. just wanted to say good morning to you first. so good morning. i'm going to write a comparison&contrast essay (unless he assigns it for homework over the weekend...doubtful)&do an economics quiz. then come home&finish laundry&pack. i'm ridiculously stressed. i fasted yesterday with my ana buddy but dinner kinda knocked me off course, i had a salad...well, a plate full of spinach&a single banana pepper. no dressing of course. &then i had some chicken baked with salt&pepper. i purged but not much came up cause i had to wait for my mom to be on the other side of the house. so boo. i tried. i really really did.

thinspo: legs, to kick off your day:

or:

yikes. even if you ignore the chick in the middle&compare the fatass&tyra (for age reasons)...there's no excuse to be that huge. seriously. i think i just threw up in my mouth a bit. i'm off to brush my teeth. ughh. stay strong today. whatever you're craving, you don't need it. it will only cover your bones with another layer of fat. not as positive as usual but i've got a little bit of an attitude today so fuck it. hugs to you guys, i'll post on sunday.

xoxo

zette

11:00am

got myself out of bed. now all i have to do is put clothes on, babysit juberty, study for economics, read 'desiree's baby' and 'the shawl' again for a comparison&contrast, do tons of laundry, walk surprise, &pack for the beach bash. oh boy. by oh boy i mean shit. shitshitshit. (in case you hadn't noticed, i like the number 3)

laundry is easy. i can be doing that while i do everything else. clever little washing machine inventor, i love you. i can walk to the with surprise&take my economics book, study while she's running around the baseball field. i guess i'll take my english stuff to&read those stories over again. i'll tell beth i have to be home early so babysitting will take at the max about 2 hours. then all i have to do is pack.

breakfast - water

lunch - hunger&more water

dinner - more hunger&more water. i love fasting. i feel so weak yet so strong. hope you guys are doing well.i'm stoked about this weekend but i'll miss your blogs. if any of you in the US want my number just email me&we'll text, mmk? (ilovezette@yahoo.com) oh&i have sprint, if that matters.

shabam, thinspo time:

or:

golly. i'd wear that look on my face if i were that big, too. except i'm getting dangerously close. you guys know this already, if you saw the pic i posted of myself forever ago. my ribs have a nasty layer of fat on them&it shows.

summer is coming so quickly. personally, i have to be smaller than my sister when i spend the summer with her&vik in colorado. &she might have lost weight. i doubt it, but maybe. okay zette, chill out. to the rest of you, stay strong&think thin. if you need to, put your favorite thin song on your ipod&listen to it before you eat. or carry your fav thinspo pictures around. whatever it takes. you can do this. we can do this.

xoxo

zette