talked to my dramatic friend on the phone last night. well....i called her a thousand times until she answered. i'm a pest. anyway, i asked her straight out if she thought i was fat. she laughed&said no, but pointed out that my "bones don't show". i'm telling myself it's the shirt i wore under my shirt&the leggings i wore under my jeans. of course she can't see my bones through a boys long sleeve shirt or a loose t-shirt. i'm telling myself it was just her. i can't be average. i've worked so fucking hard to not be average. yeah, sometimes i give up at night when i'm supposed to be sleeping. but then morning comes&most of the fear melts away. i can see myself in the mirror&i know i have too far to go to just drop it. if i drop it i'll be fat forever. but i'm fighting with myself over it.
i know what i do isn't healthy, but i also know i threw out caring about health a long time ago. when i started cutting, when i started drinking, when i started popping pills, when i started smoking everything smokable, when i shoved my way into the world i find myself in today. so today i can rest easy. i'm not underweight. i'm not ever close. my goal weight will put me underweight for my height. i'll worry then. or better yet, let someone else worry. for now i'll wear an extra shirt to prevent people from putting their fingers between my ribs.i'm still looking for ankle weights.
my tight jeans are on the floor&will remain there until they are loose. my tank tops are only for going under baggy t-shirts. i'll wear socks with my shoes to keep the cuts clean. &i'll take up running again. the blood stains will come out of my shoes. crying is not allowed anymore. slacking isn't allowed, either. this is the part where zette almost gave up. now zette is pissed at herself. so this is the part where zette kicks her ass until she's where she wants to be.
thinspo:
or:
they look young, but again, they're my age. both cheerleaders. only one is thin. the other is in the painfully big group of average people. stay strong today, lovelies, don't settle for average.
xoxo
zette
p.s. emergen-c blue is the best thing ever, &a big thank you to alissa for the crazy long encouraging email i woke up to.
the first picture is pure thinspo!I love it. you go, girl. that's the spirit and we can do it!
ReplyDeletenobody wants to be average. start running again and you will be motivated to inspire us all!!
xoxo
You called your friend up fishing for something to fix about yourself? Well, I guess for progress...feedabcak...something.
ReplyDeleteEveryone wants to be exceptional.
Everyone can be exceptional.
Few push past it all &are.
God, the first picture... <3
ReplyDeleteHey. Random thought of the minute: Zette is beautiful. Lots of love <3
Agreed, I am right there with you!!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Good luck! You can do this!! If I can lose a pound you sure as hell can lose 20! haha :)
ReplyDeleteLove ya girly
Lilah
Yea in this diet you aren't supposed to count fruits and veggies lol. If it works then i'm allll for it. lol
ReplyDeleteWe'll see what happens!!
Good luck! I'm sure you can do it! But seriously, I think you look gorgeous already, and I hope you will be able to see that for yourself one day.
ReplyDeleteHello, this is Zette kicking ass. Haha, you're hilarious, I love that attitude. But please, be careful not to be too hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteI've let myself down too, and I've been too lazy, too, so we'll make this work. For sure.
I was thinking, we could maybe e-mail, but apparently, I haven't got your adress. So if you'd like, just tell me, I'm there for you.
Kisses&hugs,
Merely
that sounds like a full proof method.... you're so motivated- role model
ReplyDeletei should copy you... :PPP
i was thinking the other day that when (not if) i get really thin ill start wearing things to cover it up, atleast around my parents... theyre so nosy... my dad'll have me in a hospital at the drop of a hat if he thinks ive lost any weight >.<
llovvee- stay strong . u will of course- you're amazing
I know you can do this! You're so motivated; we'll all be here to support you whenever you need it :D
ReplyDeletexoxo
Woot! I wish you all the best! I'm rooting for yah <3
ReplyDelete