8:35am

thanks to daylight savings i'm crashing earlier&getting up earlier. i don't like it. since i prefer to avoid my mother, i try to go to bed way after she does&then get up after she does. binge last night. purged (salsa hurts) but i only had energy to work out for an hour after in my room. fail. but today will be better.

i had a dream last night&only realized this morning what it was from. this might be long so feel free to skip down to thinspo&move on with your life. when i was a kid (maybe 10 or 11) my mother used to drag me to these meetings for some preacher she liked every time he was in town. i got tired of it so i'd take a book&something to draw with&wait outside the auditorium in most places. well on one of those nights i was in the bathroom playing with my super curly hair&a girl walked in. she was maybe in her early twenties. but the only thing i noticed was that she was beautiful. blonde hair, blue eyes, a thin face with sunken cheekbones&a long, thin body. i stared at her. she smiled at me. we both walked out. later, i was sitting at a table in the lobby&got busy eavesdropping on two people talking. all i remember them saying was something like "she&her friends did a contest at school to see who could lose the most weight. she won but hasn't stopped since. we try to keep telling her, you know, the contest is over. you can eat normally now. but nothing is working. she just keeps losing weight." 10year old zette's introduction to the slightly morbid, completely pretty world of ana. the contrast of her beauty&her brother's disapproval didn't hold anything for me. the only other time i, as a kid, saw someone underweight was at my sister's high school. as a little kid i could listen in on things without being scolded cause i was just damn cute. anyway, the girl was all bones. her spine showed through her shirt, even her neck was bony. her arms were so small they seemed to go on forever in length. her mother gave the counselor a sad look&ushered the girl out to the parking lot. i didn't get to see her face. just her slim body&thin brown hair. but it was incredibly interesting to me, these young ladies who showed their bones. i didn't think about them much after that until i looked up thinspo for the first time when i started this blog. i wanted to tell the whole world what was going on with me without having to tell anyone. that's what i figured, you know? that nobody would ever see my blog. it would just be a diary with a password. but then someone was following me&i saw that her blog was very similar to mine. then another, &another. so now i'm here with you lovely ladies, so many of which i fit in with comfortably. thanks for everything, kiddies.

thinspo:

or:

look closely at the girls in the foreground. they're lovely. now look to the left&to the right of them. who invites whales to dances? i don't know, either. stay strong today, lovelies.

xoxo

zette

p.s. i'm trying to read your posts&comment, my mother is just pissy lately&rather nosy. sorry.