yesterday went great until the great big goddammit of it all. i was at 400cals with 200 left for a small dinner. but then my mother picked me up from the park (wow, i sound 6years old) &the whole car smelled like food. to avoid it, i settled into the drivers seat&rolled down the window. i sang. i usually sing when i drive. i'm not sure why. there's not even a radio in my mother's ancient nissan. am i crazy? (don't answer that.) i love driving. i think because (looky, i've stopped saying just ''cause'') i'm new to it&it's a helluva lot better than being home. wait..i had something else to say...oh right, the food. so it turns out she had gotten fried chicken for me. &wheat thins, &some cranberry swiss cream cheese i'd been eying at the store. why? because i'm getting screws drilled into my mouth on thursday&she wanted to treat me to some things i like since i won't be able to have them for a while after. dammit mother, i was happy about that. oh well. had half a piece of chicken with the scab-textured skin removed for breakfast is 180. that&emergen-c blue. you're welcome, immune system.
your comments on the last post were interesting. it's pretty jib to hear our first ana encounters. i worded that oddly. but you know what i mean. i hadn't even really considered those girls until one of them popped up in my dream, years later. i wonder what they're up to now? guess i'll never know. but i like to imagine they're thin&beautiful&strong as ever.
thinspo:
or:
i realize that you have plenty to hold that dress up. but that doesn't mean you should have worn it, &certainly not next to the little lady in purple. the kiddie hair clip needs to go, too, but that's not important right now. stay strong today, lovelies.
xoxo
zette
p.s. i've been shopping around for ankle weights. not sure which weight to get. or should i get adjustable ones? opinions, please.
adjustable ones, b/c i just know you will need to make them smaller:D:D:D
ReplyDeleteI know how it is, i had written the word "NO" on my wrist when mom came home with lots and lots of goodies. I couldn't eat just a part of them, of course, but then they went.
Stay strong my love.
"PerfectingMyEmptiness"
I always read your posts and rarely ever know what to say. Stay strong, Zette. <3
ReplyDeleteim in the search for ankle weights as well, i know walmart sometimes carries them. i figure ill buy a few for the next time i go to the doctor (they would flip if they saw my weight was under 100) and stuff one in each bra cup and strap the others around my legs :P
ReplyDelete*im gagging at the thought of scabby chicken skin lol*
stay strong girly
meg
There's something that helps me to say 'no' to that food. I know that it may have smelled good, you may have been hungry, but what I do is just, tell myself, that I can have that kind of food whenever I want. It is just really unnecessary right now, because it doesn't help the progress.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that helps you, even though it sounds a bit weird.
Loads of love,
Merely
Ew, thanks for the visual on the chicken skin :P Now it'll keep me from eating it ahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI just thought you should know that even though I read your posts every day I never quite know what to say. But this will hopefully be comment that will cover how I feel when I read most of your posts: your writing flows beautifully, is poetic, and blunt, and funny all at the same time and sometimes your statements are so shockingly close to how I feel or your ideas are just so beautiful that I don't know what to say.
ReplyDeletexoxo
LOL! I definitely agree with PerfectingmyEmptiness. You will need to make them smaller, so adjustable is the way to go :) Good luck! <3
ReplyDeleteyou know, I feel like I have to read your blog every day. honestly, it inspires me. it's simple, but inspiring.
ReplyDeleteoh, and I wish I was as cute as the girl in the second picture. truly.
adjustable! so you can add more as you get used to it :)
ReplyDeletei love driving too. i love going out late at night when the roads are empty so i can zip around as i please and sing to my music. heaven!!
x
you're welcome, immune system. ..you always make me smile
ReplyDeleteadjustable - I'm always ogling over the ankle weights, I should just go ahead and buy a pair for myself too